Thursday, August 18, 2011

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Yes, I know this is an over-used phrase. Yes, I know it seems cliche. Yes, you are tired of hearing people use this phrase as motivation. However, it is the only phrase I could come up with that truly symbolizes how I currently feel.

When faced with blatant adversity, some people give up and run the other way. Some people stand their ground and fight with all their might. I am somewhere in the middle. I often stumble around a little bit and feel uneasy, then get back on my feet and quietly fight back.

I have three "bucket-list" items I would like to accomplish before I die. #1. Get a PhD. (in progress). #2 Have children. (I can't control this one). #3. Write a book that will make a difference. (beginning today).

My literary inspiration for years has been Harper Lee. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my all time favorite novels. It is fun to read, hits on important societal issues and makes a statement. Harper Lee was not popular in her day for writing this novel and faced a great deal of backlash, controversy and anger. I admire her, though, because she saw a fundamental problem in society and sought to change peoples' mindsets about that issue.

When I was about 11-years-old, I saw a problem in society that I felt passionate about. As I grew older and even watched my older sister struggle against this problem, I became more passionate about it. When I got to high school and college, I almost gave up because I didn't believe I could make a difference. Now, I feel more strongly than ever about this issue.

Last night, I came home and read a research article that reaffirmed what I believe and eased my frustrations, temporarily. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, blow-drying my hair, the inspiration came to me. Inspiration for a novel. A unique novel that takes a unique look at something in society that, if changed, would have lasting repercussions. I have never been so excited to embark on a new experience or project. I know this will take some time, so don't get excited just yet.

For the first time, I get to use my literary talents combined with my deep-rooted passions to create something that just might make a difference. Here's to happy writing!

:) Tracey

Saturday, August 13, 2011

And she's finally made it full circle...

I feel like my life has finally made it full circle and the ambitious, young, doe-eyed girl is finally calming down into a successful, content, satisfied woman. What do I mean?

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who dreamed of ruling the world. It may sound comical, but she was that girl who wanted to be CEO of a major company. She literally wanted to rule the world. Now, in her perfect world, she had everything she wanted. She was running a major company in a huge city (Houston, Dallas, New York City, you know), but lived on a ranch, with several acres, in her dream home. Her daily routine would consist of waking up the kids, making breakfast for them and her extremely sexy cowboy husband, then going out to feed and tend to all the animals. The family would then leave for work and school. She would take the kiddos to school and make her way to a high power job dressed to the nines (with super sweet heels, of course). At the end of the work day, she would pick up the kids and take them home. At home, the family would again tend to all the animals and do the ranch-chores, eat dinner, spend time together and enjoy quiet, country nights together. Nice, huh?

Somewhere along the way of boyfriends, expectations, and ambition, this little girl lost her way. She came to college and became somewhat confused about what she wanted. Her boyfriend at the time thought her ideas of ranch life were crazy and encouraged her to do more. She met people that inspired her to want more out of life than a quiet existence in the country, but deep down, knew it was what she wanted. While at college, she realized that running a major company was definitely in her blood but not her heart; instead, she had a deep-rooted passion for education. She became damn-near obsessed with chasing this dream. Go to college, graduate, teach, get PhD, move, live in big city. Check, check, check.

Now, this little girl did nothing short of live up to every expectation. She graduated, she got a job teaching, she bought a house, she lived her life by giving every spare bit of energy she had to accomplishing those big city dreams. However, she wasn't completely happy with the sacrifices she had made and who she had become. She still had a deep-rooted longing for more and less. Accomplishing and settling. Busy and simple.

Over the course of last year, I found myself LONGING to go to my parent's house, the place I had avoided for years (because I was a grown up and that's what grown ups do, right?). I found solace and comfort in the country. Peace and quiet filled my soul and made me feel whole again. But the desire to be near tall buildings, museums, culture, busy-ness is still part of me.

After an extremely confusing summer full of self-revelation, I have found some answers and came full circle to a better place. I cannot say that I am the same little girl who went away to college with big ambitions. Instead, I am an accomplished woman with simple desires. Yes, I want more than anything to finish my PhD. It is one of the most important things in my life. However, I DO want a simpler, quieter life than the one I have been living. I want to meet a fantastic man with a good heart who wants to live on a plot of land outside of a big city. I want him to be a hard-working family man. Someday, I want to build that dream house I have imagined my entire life. I want that dream house to be FULL of children. I want to work at a university in a big city. I want to come home to the country each night.

All in all, I want my small town, country upbringing WITH my big city dreams. It feels incredible to find clarity in what I want and to finally, for the first time in five years, know exactly what I want out of my life and where I want to go. So, all that's really left to say is, BRING IT ON!

-Tracey

Friday, August 12, 2011

Goodbye Summer, Welcome Fall 2011!

Summer is officially over in two short days. I'm sad. Done.

I have had an amazing and relaxing summer. This is the first summer since I was 15-years-old that I did not work or take summer classes, and boy, did it feel nice! It was exactly what I needed after 5 straight years of college. I feel refreshed, energized and ready to tackle the challenges of Fall.

This Fall will prove to be the busiest yet for me (as if that is possible). I will be teaching 8th grade and assisting with cheerleading at school. That, in and of itself, will keep me very busy. Added to that will be nine hours of graduate courses (3) including my first statistics class that is already scaring me a bit. As my mom said, I will finally have to study some, so I'm trying to plan time for that. It is going to be a new adventure, but I am ready for it.

In addition to school and work, I plan to continue working out during the semester. I have already programmed into my Google Calendar workout times and classes so I am ready. I will try to strengthen and tone my body while I continue my running training for the half-marathon in December. Other than those things, I plan to watch some fun TV shows, go see movies, cook, hang out with friends and family and enjoy being a hip (soon-to-be) 24-year-old.

All-in-all, I am excited about the challenges of the Fall and the fun it will bring. :) Wish me luck!

-Tracey

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Open mouth, insert foot...

Well, on more than one occasion, I have spoken without thinking. Today, was no different, or less embarrassing. For someone who is getting a PhD, you'd think I'd have more common sense.

One of my most embarrassing moments to date, and a perfect example of not thinking before I speak, happened earlier this year in one of my master's classes. For this particular class, the students had to each research a topic of their choosing and create a PowerPoint presentation of their findings. They were then grilled by the class and professor on their research. Now, I adore this professor and happened to pick a topic of study that he was well-versed in. I primarily chose this topic because I thought it was kind of silly and a pointless topic in studying education (spelling, seriously? who needs it). I wanted to rock the boat a little. :) Now, I'm a huge advocate of the topic and am even considering doctoral research on the topic. Anyway, while I adore this professor, he is a bit slow to get through a PowerPoint. His presentations were usually no less than 80 slides (which can't be done in 3 hours) and very dense (I'm sure all my PhD friends no exactly who this is!) On this particular day, we were beginning our own presentations and he got to sit back and listen to us. After the first person presented, the class clapped to show their appreciation to the peer-speaker. The professor then remarked, "How come you never clap when I finish a presentation?" Without thinking, I look him in the eye and announce, "Well, Dr. *, you never finish a presentation." Ouch. The entire class responded to my inappropriate response, the professor gave me a hard time, and believe me, he grilled me after my presentation. (Note to self, "think before you speak".)

Now, today, I got to make a fool of myself once again. This week I have Pre-AP training with some of my colleagues and teachers from other schools. I decided to be a bit of a smart-ass, and got onto some of my co-workers for not listening and paying attention to the speaker. "Now, if you were listening, you would know the directions," I said to them in a mocking teacher voice (if only I'd known then that karma is a, well, you get the picture). Anyway, the speaker then passed out cards to us that had a word on them. Everyone got a different word. I looked down at mine, which said "fortress". Now, I wasn't entirely paying attention to the speaker, and kind of zoned out momentarily. Mistake. She then begins reading cards, just like the ones she passed out, aloud to the group. Since this was a lesson on diction (word choice), I assumed if our word carried the same meaning as the one she said, we were supposed to shout it out. (Her directions had clearly said to do this, and I think she promised candy as a reward...or at least that is what my brain told me in that moment.) She reads the first word, no one says anything and she puts the card down. I should have been tipped off by everyone else's silence but assumed the rest of the group was too timid to shout out at the speaker. The next word she read was "dwelling". Quickly, my brain thinks "Dwelling..ok, that is kind of like a fortress. I mean people could live in a fortress. They are both buildings. YELL!" So, I scream, "FORTRESS" and wave my card in the air. Imagine my shock when I did not receive praise, or candy, but instead, everyone turns to me and LAUGHS! Clearly, I did not think before I spoke (yelled) and clearly, I was mistaken on what was going on. My co-worker then looks at me and says, "Now, if you were paying attention, you would have heard the directions," in a mocking teacher voice.

I'd like to say that I've learned my lesson and will think before I speak, but everyone who knows me knows this is an impossible feat. Karma's a bitch, but hopefully you got a good laugh. :)

-Tracey

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all..."

I heard this song on my iTunes today and was struck by this line. I have had a consistent problem of overdoing things and taking on too much at one time (but hey, it makes me happy). Although, it does make everyone around me miserable at times. This upcoming Fall is no exception and I am already a little nervous (and it hasn't even started yet). Moreover, I find myself wishing so badly that I had a clone...life would be much easier if there were two of me. So what is on tap for the fall:
1. Teaching (year 2), 3 different classes (pre-ap ELA, co-teach ELA, corrective reading)
2. Grad School (first semester as a PhD student) - 9 hours (because less would be sensible)
3. Graduate Student Council (after not being involved at the university during my master's, I want to get more involved this year)
4. Cheerleading coach
5. Jack, family and friends

I wonder how normal people do everything. How do people make it all work? The sad truth is everything I am doing above isn't half of what I WANT to do. What else do I want to do?:
1. Teach Sunday school at church
2. Plan out and complete a research study
3. Publish several papers I've written
4. Attend conferences
5. Volunteer around the community
6. Join a tennis league
7. Have time for my hobbies and interests
8. Oh, yea...find time for a "love life"? haha

Since I'm fairly certain we are not able to clone humans (or not going to anyway), I will have to continue figuring out a way to "do it all" and "make it work". Although, I am open to suggestions.

Am I just too ambitious or am I missing something?

-Tracey

Friday, July 22, 2011

Only one month left??

Yesterday, I traveled to the Rock to see my family and as I was having lunch with the Hodges women (mom, sis, grandma and myself...we all have the same last name), my mom mentions, "You haven't blogged recently" so this is for you, Mom.

Truth is, I haven't blogged lately, but as it turns out, I become a pretty boring person when not consumed by work and school. I don't feel like I have that much to update the world about..but here are a few fun updates that I'd like to share.

So what does my life look like without work and school? I have been on many shopping excursions and lunch dates with friends. I have read a lot of wonderful books and seen many movies. Jack and I have got to spend a great deal of time training..and napping. I got to see my family more than I have seen them in the past 5 years. My house is immaculately clean and organized. I have experimented with cooking and baking. Several new pairs of shoes have made their way into my closet. Lots of swimming, running, Zumba, pilates and yoga have taken place. I made a scrapbook. I went to a Astros/Rangers baseball game and New York City. I took three teacher certification tests. I completed my IRB (International Research Board) training and Gifted/Talented training. I've planned out my research study and completed the necessary back up research for it (hopefully to be implemented in fall or spring). All in all, I have been productive and can't complain; although, I've yet again proven to myself that I can't be one of those people who isn't insanely busy and overloaded. I work well when my plate is too full.

Most importantly, I feel that I've grown as a person this summer in ways I am greatly thankful for and I am excited to share my improved self with my students and classmates.

Last weekend in church, the sermon was about obedience versus sin. Now, throw my name and "obedience" into the same sentence and that is an equation for defiance. By definition, I like to break the rules just to do it and I like to push the envelope...especially toward authority, routine and structure. I like change, for the most part. I like to question everything. As a Christian, it has always been challenging for me to find the will power and motivation to be obedient just because I don't like to do what I'm told for the sole purpose of it being right. I need reasons. Thankfully, I'm blessed to attend the church I do and found solace in the answer I received about why obedience is necessary. Bottom line, obedience leads to God being happy which makes me happy which makes people around me happy. Sin leads to God being unhappy which makes me unhappy which makes people around me unhappy. That makes sense. So, I decided to apply what I learned in church. I prayed to God for help and for one of the first times in my life, tried to be obedient to what I know is right and steer away from sin. Somehow, God always manages to reward me quickly when I do what I'm supposed to. Monday morning, I got God's reward in a few ways. First of all, I found out I passed my GT test which I had been certain I had done poorly on (although I would never admit that until now). The second thing far outweighs passing a test. I got a random email from an old co-worker. I was completely surprised to get this email as I felt that I had not formed a very close bond with this person. We had talked on several occasions and I had tried to be helpful and somewhat positive through the struggles of both of us. This email was simply to fill me in on his life and thank me for all I had done. He mentioned that he would take what I had taught him about being a teacher and apply it to his own classroom. Wow. I was utterly speechless and completely grateful for the kind words. I'm a perfectionist and I almost never feel satisfied with my own abilities or skills, therefore, I rarely feel like I do a good job in anything, which is pretty ridiculous (I'll admit). In two simple ways, God showed me that I am doing exactly what He created me to do and that I am glorifying Him through my actions.

Now, God doesn't just stop there. In this same week, He introduced me to a new friend while strengthening the bonds I have with old friends, brought an old friend back into my life and gave me the opportunity to spend time with girlfriends I have missed since undergrad. Wow, God is good.

I know this posting is a bit everywhere, but that's how my thoughts are today as I reflect on what has been a fantastic summer. I am so relaxed, refreshed, recharged and re-energized and can't wait to begin a new school year as a 2nd-year teacher and PhD student. I just hope that I can continue to be obedient so that I can glorify God in everything I do.

-Tracey

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Summer Updates

Well, it's about a week and a half into my much anticipated summer vacation and I have yet to update! So, here goes...

June has already proven to be quite busy and I have been very productive on the job front...go me! I have attended a technology training, taken and successfully passed my ESL Supplemental and Special Education certification exams and have almost finished my online GT training. :) I'm pretty pleased with myself. I have also added a new hat to my collection of jobs...I will be one of the cheer coaches at my school next year. Welcome back to high school, I guess? Haha, but I'm pretty excited about the new opportunity. Once again, God has given me absolutely EVERYTHING I wanted at once. And while it may not be in exactly the way I thought it would be, I'm still super excited and realize how incredibly blessed I truly am. The rest of June will pass with the trip to New York City (the closest thing to Heaven on Earth, seriously) and taking my GT certification exam. The last day of the month will be spent in Houston with my sister and mom seeing the Rangers/Astros play.

July seems to be a pretty chill month without too much planned. I am patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for HP 7.2 to come out (which I will be seeing at midnight with my mom and sister). Yes, it makes me nerdy, but I grew up with that series and am sad yet excited to see it come to an end. I have seen every Harry Potter movie in theaters, which is quite a feat for me. It's going to be epic. Other than that, I am planning a trip to see the BFF in San Antonio and enjoying the rest of my summer vacation.

I have spent a lot of time reading, watching movies, staying up late, laying by the pool, taking Jack for walks, shopping and hanging out with friends and family. Summer is a true blessing and I am planning to enjoy every minute of it! :)