Perspective...

Life is all about perspective. This year, I did not make any New Year's Resolutions (I feel a little old for this), but instead made two goals that I am going to actively work on throughout the year: 1. Be healthier (both in eating and exercising) and 2. Be more optimistic. Now, I am not really a pessimistic person but through my job of the last two years, I have changed so much as a person and become more pessimistic than I have ever been. I am not nearly as naive as I was once and my views on education have changed drastically since taking this job. I'm actually a bit sad that has happened, but as everything happens for a reason, I will see the true effects within the next few years. I am curious to see how my new views will affect my grad school studies and research in the future.

Now, onto perspective...life changes perspective based on what we are doing at that particular time. I have always been a go-getter, busy type of person. Lately, I have been talking to all the student teachers at my school and it is really quite amusing to hear them talk about "getting up early" and "being so tired". When I started student teaching, I'll admit, I was tired too but I was actually working and moving LESS not more. Despite working less hours, I was more tired. I've been thinking about this a great deal lately because I feel like I live in a constant state of exhaustion. Again, I'm confused because in undergrad, I would wake up at 6 every morning and be gone from my house until 9 or 10 that night...and didn't think anything of it. Now, I wake up at 5 and am usually home around 8 or 9 and am so tired I can barely function to get to bed.

As I've been thinking on this topic, I have found the answer. When I was an undergraduate student, I would wake up early, get ready, go to classes, have lunch, go to job #1, volunteer, go to class, go to job #2, go to meetings, tutor, come home. Now, I wake up early, get ready, go to work, go to class/or workout, come home. I need to constantly be moving, experiencing change and loving everything I am doing. Right now, I am stuck in a box all day...sometimes, I miss the sun (he wakes up after me and goes to bed before me). So, it is easy to see how this can be exhausting.

Ok, it sounds like I've been complaining but I'm trying not to. I love my life and everything in it. However, I have mentioned before that ambition is my most redeeming yet devastating characteristic. So, it's all about perspective. What is most important? What do I want to spend my time doing most? For some reason, this has become the most simple but complicated question I've ever had to answer. The answer is staring me in the face, completely easy to answer. However, the execution of that answer has been weighing heavily on my heart for a while.

As I begin yet another absolutely crazy semester (working 60+ hours, taking 2 grad school courses, fitting in workouts, spending time with family and friends, researching, trying to have a social life, etc.), I feel my head clear. I'm realizing that I can still be ambitious without "doing it all". If I focus on what is most important to me and give it my all, I am still being ambitious without over-exerting myself. Hell, I may even smile a bit more, be more pleasant and turn back into the person that I really liked being. I almost feel like I've been stuck in my "Quarter-life crisis" for the past few years. I can honestly say the past two years have not been the best, but they will stay with me for a long time because they are driving where I will be in the future.

Here's to a crazy semester and finishing one chapter of my life with a BANG! :)

-Tracey

Answers to prayers...

Ambition. This is by far my most redeeming quality. It is also my greatest character flaw. Many times I find that my "go-get-em" mentality or need for continual growth impede on my life. In fact, I really feel for my family and close friends as even they don't know what to do with me all the time. I often hear, "well, you just have to decide what you want to do most".

In the past few months, I have really struggled to make some decisions about what endeavors in my life to pursue and what to push aside. I have spoken about it with my best friends, my parents, professors, past teachers...many people. Today, I had a spontaneous conversation on this very topic with a colleague...and I have to say it was...refreshing. I feel like she actually said things in a way that made the most sense and was phrased better than I've heard. She simply said..."why do you want the things you want? What is the purpose for your ambition?" When I think about things in that way, I realize that there are some things I feel genuinely passionate about and then there are some things I do just to "pad the resume".

1. PhD (this is a genuine passion...the most genuine passion I have)
2. Teaching (this is also a genuine passion...I love my students, planning and sharing my knowledge of the English language)
3. English graduate courses online (this is another genuine love...while it does not compare to my students or my PhD, it is something I enjoy and do for the love of learning more about my deepest passion)
4. Leadership opportunities at work (yet another thing that I truly love. I have a need to be a leader in my work environment - I want to be able to influence changes and help the school grow and I really want to work with teachers on a deeper level)
5. Everything else really falls below the spectrum of my passions...including coaching, sorry!

The other thing this colleague mentioned to me was that I couldn't let my ambition get in the way of people. Luckily, I have been better about this over the years. I have very supportive, secure and loving relationships with my family and friends. They are my support system and the crux of what keeps me going. Without them, my ambition would fall apart. And, of course, I still have the sweetest puppy in the world to come home to each night! :)

It is so comforting to know God is still watching out and helping me...even when I don't realize He is!

-Tracey

Musings of a...bridesmaid! :)

Well, 2012 has started off wonderfully, despite being only 3 days old! :) This is sure to be a year of change and firsts and I cannot wait to experience it all. While I have decided not to set any "New Years Resolutions" for this year, I do have some goals (as always) that I hope to accomplish this year.

1. Maintain the 4.0 and attend/present at (at least) one conference.
2. Complete a 5K and at least one longer race.
3. Go to Vegas.
4. Travel more, in general.
5. Get in shape (seriously!)
6. Maintain optimism in everything I do. (I'm blessed and God has a plan for me to do good no matter where I am...I need to stay focused on that.)
7. Continue enjoying every moment of the greatness around me!

So far, I have seen how just being more optimistic can influence and improve the quality of my life. :)

I mentioned this would be a year of firsts for me...beginning with my first time to become a bridesmaid! Yes, I've had friends get married but never a very close friend. I'm so excited to be part of this experience (and I'm already on the bridesmaid-shoe browsing). Secondly, this year will mark my first time to run longer races than a 5K (and my first 5K in a while). I'm not sure if I'll make a half this year, but I'm going to try for a multi-miler. This will also be a new year of visiting new places. I am definitely visiting Colorado for the first time and I hope to make Vegas at some point as well. I'm young, I'm free and I'm feeling a thirst for more adventure! :)

-Tracey

Long-Overdue Update...

Well, I haven't calculated but I'm pretty sure it's been months since I've updated! The reason has not been for lack of things to write about (quite the opposite) but I've actually had a lack of time to concentrate on putting my thoughts together. Here are my latest updates...

1. I'll start with the most negative (as everything else is good and I like hearing bad first so the good is even better). Work is work. I love teaching and I love my students but work is so stressful this year, it's almost unbearable. I have had to really think about my priorities as a teacher and my goals. Those have become my focus so that I don't spend ALL of my time working. I want to still love my job weeks, months and years from now. While it may be tough, my kids make it worth it. I love the days when we laugh and have fun in my classroom while learning something too. They really bring me so much joy and I go to sleep exhausted every night but knowing I get to love up on some struggling kids every day. God wanted me to understand that and it has taken some time for me to appreciate it, but through His patience, I have.

Now, the really good stuff...

2. I am one week and one day away from completing my first semester as a doctoral student. Hell, yes! I love it more than ever and have learned quite a bit this semester about the entire process of getting a PhD. I also feel like I've improved on my writing abilities. In the Spring I will be taking another 6 hours, beginning my statistics course sequence and conducting my own study with a classmate. Life is good and education is great. I'm so happy to be chasing my biggest dream and seeing it come alive every day.

3. I've taken on two extra jobs this semester that I really enjoy. One is tutoring local college students and grade school kids. Mostly I tutor in reading and writing but have been asked to help with some other subjects as well. I really love working with kids one-on-one and getting complete autonomy over what we do. It is so encouraging and satisfying, plus the extra cash is nice. The other job (although I haven't charged for this yet) is editing for friends and family. It started by a few friends asking me to edit important things for grammar and has just expanded. I enjoy helping others, and am a grammar Nazi so it's fitting. :)

4. Yes, I love school and yes, sometimes it makes me crazy and yes, I am getting a PhD...but, now, I'm also getting a second masters too! (This one is just for fun and yes, I am someone who uses the phrase "just for fun" to describe school.) I am getting a Master of Arts in English online from a reputable university. I have always been very interested in English (which is why it is my undergraduate degree) and wanted to further this love while pursuing my PhD. This will be something I do on the side that will not hinder my PhD but add to my understanding of what I teach and why I love literature, writing and grammar so much. Additionally, I feel this will aid in my future career endeavors by making me more marketable and competitive when I graduate.

5. Despite the craziness surrounding me, I have once again been reunited with my love for reading. Over the years, I have come to realize that if I do not read for fun, I am miserable and a not as nice of a person. I love reading and it is a way to unwind and relax for me. I have re-established my habit of reading every night before bed (which is so convenient with my ipad). Here is a list of my reads for this semester.
- the Nora Roberts MacKade series
- the Lisa Klepas Wallflower series
- the Twilight Saga (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn)
- The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks
and now I am reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

6. Another hobby I have become interested in again is running. I got out of it for a long time and have the extra weight gain to prove it. Now, I am determined to lose those extra pounds and running is the only way I can do that consistently. Sometimes, I run outside to enjoy the fresh air, but a lot of the time, I run on the treadmill for convenience. Plus, on the treadmill, I can read on my ipad while I run and then I don't even realize how long I run for. Double win.

7. My house again is finally coming together. I'm still convinced that decorating and putting together a complete house is something that is never finished. I just purchased my brand new bedroom (for the master) and my old room is moving to the guest room. It's definitely getting there and now, when I have guests, they have a place to sleep besides couches and the floor. :) I still have some work to do on my office/study and now, I want to repaint my bedroom but I'll wait until summer for that.

8. The best thing of all, my family, my friends and Jack are doing well and prospering. My family is still very supportive of all of my crazy endeavors and they try to help me in any way they can. They are all healthy and doing well. I can't ask for more than that. My friends are also supportive and helpful and have made life so much more fun, especially when I am stressed. I know I can count on them with a phone call, dinner or a movie to make things better. Jack, my sweet boy, is also doing great. Begging for food, petting and walks constantly but always ready with kisses and snuggling. He's really a great dog and the best little companion to have around.

Well, this is long enough and that's a lot of updating, so I'll leave it at that. I'm happy, blessed and prospering forward towards my dreams! Can't ask for a sweeter life than that.

-Tracey

Year 2 Updates!

Well, I have good news and more good news.

As anyone who read my blog from last year knows, last year was pretty terrible. It was hard, stressful and I felt like I was drowning all the time. I never felt at ease or really enjoyed what I was doing. This year, I can already say, is 1000 times better than last year. I enjoy my students much more as well as the content I am teaching. I actually feel like I am teaching and the kiddos are learning. I don't feel too bogged down and I enjoy going to work.

Now, I don't feel completely at ease because teaching is a stressful, all-encompassing, time-consuming job. However, I have made a few rules with myself that make things much easier. (Let's call it prioritizing.) Last year, my biggest complaint was that I didn't have time to do the things I enjoyed most. My changes for this year allow me to have a life outside of work.

1. I am only allowing myself to work on school stuff for a few hours each night after work. If it doesn't get done, life will go on...and I won't be upset.
2. I HAVE to work out during the week. I run/walk in the mornings on the treadmill and go to the Rec at night.
3. I have to read at least 3 novels each month for fun.
4. I have to work on PhD stuff most nights. (This is my favorite because that is what I enjoy most!)
5. I have to plan at least 3 nights to spend time with friends or family.
6. I am not allowed to eat out during the week (unless it is with a friend).

The point of this list is to maintain my sanity. To understand that work should not take up ALL of my time and that the things I value outside of work are equally important. So far, I feel less stressed and so much happier than last year. I am eager to see how the year progresses and learn more about what I can do to enjoy my time as a teacher. :)

-Tracey

Here We Go Again...Year 2!

Well, tomorrow I begin my 2nd year as a Middle School Language Arts teacher! I have to say, last year, I was just excited...this year, I feel excited, nervous and a little overwhelmed! Haha. There are a lot of changes happening at my school and in my life this year, so it will definitely be an adventure.

This year, I will be teaching 8th grade (so excited!) and I get to teach Pre-AP (my level of kids) and the special education inclusion class. I am so excited to practice what I have been learning in grad school while fine-tuning my skills as a teacher of high achieving students and students with learning disabilities. It's going to be great! I am also one of the cheerleading coaches at school (oh Lord!). So far, it is pretty neat...although people at my school find it hard to believe I was a cheerleader. (Is it really not obvious? haha)

Last year, I also finished my master's degree (WH11P!) and will be starting my PhD (double WH14P!) this month. This is what I have been working towards my entire life so I am beyond excited for it! I will only be taking 6 hours this Fall, and decided not to begin statistics, so that I will maintain my sanity. ;) (And, I'm counting down the days to 2014!)

Other than the above, I plan to get in better shape this year. My parents, generously, gave me their old treadmill, so I plan to run on it in the mornings to build up my mileage for the half-marathon I'm running in December. In addition to that, I plan to take advantage of the group classes at the rec most nights during the week. Hopefully through these endeavors, I will tone up, lose weight, be able to run my marathon and feel better all around.

I also plan to continue working on my book, reading lots of great literature, enjoying movies, playing video games and spending as much time as possible with my family, friends and Jack.

Here's to a great year!

-Tracey

I just wanted to share...

I read an article last night and came across this...I really feel like I need to share this (thanks for the push, Mom). Take it as you will.

How can we explain the phenomenon of "high scores but low skills?" Standardized tests by their very nature can only test a subset of useful skills. As a result, while a well-balanced effort at improving skills helps raise the test score, it is usually not as effective as a more focused approach: teaching/studying to the test. There is evidence that drilling students on content known to be on a test can significantly improve the students' performance on the test, but the resulting high test scores do not necessarily translate into corresponding knowledge and skills.

Liu, L. Neilson, W.S. (2011). High scores but low skills. Economics of Education Review, 30, 507-516.