Despite the somewhat misleading title, my posting today will not really be from "way back" - just a year ago. One year ago this month, I made the most difficult decision I have made in my short life: I decided to leave my classroom and return to the university full time to pursue my dream of a Ph.D. I had already completed my first year of working on the Ph.D., but as any doc student can attest, courses are the least of a graduate student's concerns. I knew that to fully appreciate the hardships and benefits of getting this degree, I would have to live my students.
For some reason, today, I have been overwhelmed with nostalgia for my "babies". When I finalized this decision, I was not happy about it. Today, I am still not happy about it. The feeling could be better described as indifferent....but that doesn't quite capture the feeling either. You see, I love graduate school. I love the feeling of learning. I love teaching my undergraduates. I love research. I love writing. Sure, there are many things I don't like about it, too. There are parts to any profession that are less than desirable. And, certainly, as a teacher I didn't love my job every day. However, for all the stress and hardship of working in a school, I loved my kiddos every day. They made everything worth it. Not a day in the life of a teacher goes by without feeling completely overwhelmed and blessed by the love the teacher has for his/her students. I was (and still am) no different.
This semester, I was given the wonderful opportunity to be an intervention teacher on a project. I got to go to a school everyday and read with third-graders. While I only worked personally with two sweet children, I quickly became enamored with the entire classrooms I visited. My heart soared when I entered the building and was completely full every day I left. I miss that feeling.
I have been teaching since I was nineteen years old. I got my first job as a substitute teacher that year, and for the duration of my undergraduate degree, I worked as a substitute, tutor, and private instructor for many different companies and individuals around the town I lived. Through some of the hardest times in my life, teaching and seeing my students got me through. No matter how badly I felt or what was going on, my attention would be completely focused on my students and they would brighten my day.
As I begin my second full year away from my students, I once again feel the conflicting emotions of that decision. While I know I am doing well teaching my undergraduates and still know I love teaching, it really isn't the same. I never thought I would grow up to be a teacher. I certainly didn't expect to become a teacher who so fully loved her profession. It's true that they say teaching is a calling. It's definitely mine. :)
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