It's been far too long since I have felt compelled to write for fun. That was the purpose for which this blog was originally created - write inspiring, fun-filled posts that bring a smile to the face of whoever reads it. Since starting graduate school full-time, I haven't got "that feeling" that lets me know I have a gem to write. Conversations and events with the people in my life, however, have finally led me here after a six-month hiatus (I'll try not to let that happen again).
Yesterday, I was chatting with one of my graduate school colleagues (we call each other "colleagues" at this level, not classmates...a lesson I learned the embarrassing way). Anyway, she described graduate school perfectly to one of the "muggles" (the outsiders who think "graduate school" means "extended college"). She said, "you know that feeling of not being caught up and being overwhelmed because you have so much to do? That feeling you get the last week of the 6-weeks when grades are due and you're behind? That is the feeling I have in graduate school every single day. Even breaks. Even holidays. Especially weekends. It never goes away." I couldn't have said it better myself. I laugh when someone asks me how my week or weekend was and I respond with "well, I was very productive and crossed a lot of items off my to-do list." The person usually responds cheerfully, and says something to the effect of "wow, you must be really excited" or "I bet that feels good!" Well, it might if crossing one item off didn't mean adding three more. It really never stops, ends, or becomes easier though we tell ourselves it does.
Now, that last paragraph was not meant to be a rant, but I know it may seem that way; however, it is necessary to prove my next point. This week, I was truly humbled. Because of the feeling of graduate school (which a workaholic like myself preys upon for survival), I sometimes get into my own self too much and don't stop to think about what is going on in the "real world". The following events each contributed to bringing me back down to Earth and out of my own bubble.
1. Reading my students journals:
Currently, I teach an undergraduate course in which my students are required to spend one entire day observing in a real K-12 classroom. One of their assignments is to write each week about what they saw as it pertains to things they've learned about education. The must also write each week about goals, successes, and gratitudes for the week. The purpose of this exercise is to let them see that while they may be stressed and may experience some trying things as a teacher, they have many good things going for them. I was amazed as I read what they wrote! Overcoming illnesses, losing family members, facing struggles with finances, etc. I could not believe that the positive, upbeat students I get to see for three hours each week have so much conflict, trauma, and pain in their lives. Yet, the part that was truly inspiring was that they each found small victories each week to get them through these hardships. When I reflect on my weeks, I'm truly thankful that many of the pains these students face are not ones that I encounter on a weekly basis.
2. Forced sunshine:
Sometimes, I miss the sun. He wakes up after I do and goes to bed before I even get back home. Our paths don't cross every day. While I'm hunched over a computer typing away, working SPSS (statistics software), or reading like books are going out of style, he is enjoying his day, bringing vitamin D to the world. On Friday, I was sitting in my office in the center of campus waiting for a student to come by for a one-on-one writing consulting meeting. As soon as she got there and we got started talking about her writing, the fire alarm went off in the building with the robotic announcement, "There is a fire emergency. Please evacuate immediately." We did as we were instructed, and as I walked outside, I was struck by how beautiful the day was! The student and I decided to sit on a bench overlooking the Century Tree so we could continue working and not waste the time. It felt so good to sit outside on a day that was not too hot or too cold with the sun shining while helping a student with her writing. And, as luck would have it, we also got to witness a proposal under the Century Tree! (For all of you non-Aggies, the Century Tree is a huge tree in the center of campus that looks as if it has limbs growing out of the ground. The tree's limb curve to make an arch that has a path and bench underneath it. The superstition goes: If you walk under the tree with someone you love, you will marry that person; however, if you walk under the tree alone, you will be alone forever. I'm not much for superstitions, but admit that I have never walked under the tree...) Being forced outside by a fire emergency that turned out to be nothing reminded me to enjoy the sunshine more (I think it may have been the vitamin D talking, too).
3. Phone Calls:
Anyone who knows me knows I can talk forever...and will gladly do it. I have never been a huge texter and often get annoyed that society requires me to type out my thoughts and feelings. Honestly, until a sarcasm font is created, texting will hold little appeal for me. Nonetheless, I text because time available for talking on the phone is just too limited. On Saturday, I made a grand plan to complete all my grading and a few tasks that were past due (missing deadlines is also a feature of graduate school which drives me crazy!). This plan was quickly interrupted by 4 consecutive phone calls from 4 of my favorite people. How could I be upset, angry or annoyed that the people I love wanted to talk to me? I couldn't. The list did not get completed. My grand plan failed. But, I was rejuvenated because I was reminded that I have so much support and love in my life. The old adage goes: What good is a life if you have no one to share it with? Well, I have more than enough people to share my life with. :)
Life is crazy. Graduate school is taxing and like no other amount of stress I could imagine. However, this week, I am humbled beyond comparison at the blessings God has shown me. Honestly, I've been a jerk for the past few months, and I think this revelation is just what I needed to get back to my positivity, optimism, and life by grace. Thanks, Big Guy; you timed it perfectly!
-Tracey
