Well, I haven't calculated but I'm pretty sure it's been months since I've updated! The reason has not been for lack of things to write about (quite the opposite) but I've actually had a lack of time to concentrate on putting my thoughts together. Here are my latest updates...
1. I'll start with the most negative (as everything else is good and I like hearing bad first so the good is even better). Work is work. I love teaching and I love my students but work is so stressful this year, it's almost unbearable. I have had to really think about my priorities as a teacher and my goals. Those have become my focus so that I don't spend ALL of my time working. I want to still love my job weeks, months and years from now. While it may be tough, my kids make it worth it. I love the days when we laugh and have fun in my classroom while learning something too. They really bring me so much joy and I go to sleep exhausted every night but knowing I get to love up on some struggling kids every day. God wanted me to understand that and it has taken some time for me to appreciate it, but through His patience, I have.
Now, the really good stuff...
2. I am one week and one day away from completing my first semester as a doctoral student. Hell, yes! I love it more than ever and have learned quite a bit this semester about the entire process of getting a PhD. I also feel like I've improved on my writing abilities. In the Spring I will be taking another 6 hours, beginning my statistics course sequence and conducting my own study with a classmate. Life is good and education is great. I'm so happy to be chasing my biggest dream and seeing it come alive every day.
3. I've taken on two extra jobs this semester that I really enjoy. One is tutoring local college students and grade school kids. Mostly I tutor in reading and writing but have been asked to help with some other subjects as well. I really love working with kids one-on-one and getting complete autonomy over what we do. It is so encouraging and satisfying, plus the extra cash is nice. The other job (although I haven't charged for this yet) is editing for friends and family. It started by a few friends asking me to edit important things for grammar and has just expanded. I enjoy helping others, and am a grammar Nazi so it's fitting. :)
4. Yes, I love school and yes, sometimes it makes me crazy and yes, I am getting a PhD...but, now, I'm also getting a second masters too! (This one is just for fun and yes, I am someone who uses the phrase "just for fun" to describe school.) I am getting a Master of Arts in English online from a reputable university. I have always been very interested in English (which is why it is my undergraduate degree) and wanted to further this love while pursuing my PhD. This will be something I do on the side that will not hinder my PhD but add to my understanding of what I teach and why I love literature, writing and grammar so much. Additionally, I feel this will aid in my future career endeavors by making me more marketable and competitive when I graduate.
5. Despite the craziness surrounding me, I have once again been reunited with my love for reading. Over the years, I have come to realize that if I do not read for fun, I am miserable and a not as nice of a person. I love reading and it is a way to unwind and relax for me. I have re-established my habit of reading every night before bed (which is so convenient with my ipad). Here is a list of my reads for this semester.
- the Nora Roberts MacKade series
- the Lisa Klepas Wallflower series
- the Twilight Saga (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn)
- The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks
and now I am reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
6. Another hobby I have become interested in again is running. I got out of it for a long time and have the extra weight gain to prove it. Now, I am determined to lose those extra pounds and running is the only way I can do that consistently. Sometimes, I run outside to enjoy the fresh air, but a lot of the time, I run on the treadmill for convenience. Plus, on the treadmill, I can read on my ipad while I run and then I don't even realize how long I run for. Double win.
7. My house again is finally coming together. I'm still convinced that decorating and putting together a complete house is something that is never finished. I just purchased my brand new bedroom (for the master) and my old room is moving to the guest room. It's definitely getting there and now, when I have guests, they have a place to sleep besides couches and the floor. :) I still have some work to do on my office/study and now, I want to repaint my bedroom but I'll wait until summer for that.
8. The best thing of all, my family, my friends and Jack are doing well and prospering. My family is still very supportive of all of my crazy endeavors and they try to help me in any way they can. They are all healthy and doing well. I can't ask for more than that. My friends are also supportive and helpful and have made life so much more fun, especially when I am stressed. I know I can count on them with a phone call, dinner or a movie to make things better. Jack, my sweet boy, is also doing great. Begging for food, petting and walks constantly but always ready with kisses and snuggling. He's really a great dog and the best little companion to have around.
Well, this is long enough and that's a lot of updating, so I'll leave it at that. I'm happy, blessed and prospering forward towards my dreams! Can't ask for a sweeter life than that.
-Tracey
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Year 2 Updates!
Well, I have good news and more good news.
As anyone who read my blog from last year knows, last year was pretty terrible. It was hard, stressful and I felt like I was drowning all the time. I never felt at ease or really enjoyed what I was doing. This year, I can already say, is 1000 times better than last year. I enjoy my students much more as well as the content I am teaching. I actually feel like I am teaching and the kiddos are learning. I don't feel too bogged down and I enjoy going to work.
Now, I don't feel completely at ease because teaching is a stressful, all-encompassing, time-consuming job. However, I have made a few rules with myself that make things much easier. (Let's call it prioritizing.) Last year, my biggest complaint was that I didn't have time to do the things I enjoyed most. My changes for this year allow me to have a life outside of work.
1. I am only allowing myself to work on school stuff for a few hours each night after work. If it doesn't get done, life will go on...and I won't be upset.
2. I HAVE to work out during the week. I run/walk in the mornings on the treadmill and go to the Rec at night.
3. I have to read at least 3 novels each month for fun.
4. I have to work on PhD stuff most nights. (This is my favorite because that is what I enjoy most!)
5. I have to plan at least 3 nights to spend time with friends or family.
6. I am not allowed to eat out during the week (unless it is with a friend).
The point of this list is to maintain my sanity. To understand that work should not take up ALL of my time and that the things I value outside of work are equally important. So far, I feel less stressed and so much happier than last year. I am eager to see how the year progresses and learn more about what I can do to enjoy my time as a teacher. :)
-Tracey
As anyone who read my blog from last year knows, last year was pretty terrible. It was hard, stressful and I felt like I was drowning all the time. I never felt at ease or really enjoyed what I was doing. This year, I can already say, is 1000 times better than last year. I enjoy my students much more as well as the content I am teaching. I actually feel like I am teaching and the kiddos are learning. I don't feel too bogged down and I enjoy going to work.
Now, I don't feel completely at ease because teaching is a stressful, all-encompassing, time-consuming job. However, I have made a few rules with myself that make things much easier. (Let's call it prioritizing.) Last year, my biggest complaint was that I didn't have time to do the things I enjoyed most. My changes for this year allow me to have a life outside of work.
1. I am only allowing myself to work on school stuff for a few hours each night after work. If it doesn't get done, life will go on...and I won't be upset.
2. I HAVE to work out during the week. I run/walk in the mornings on the treadmill and go to the Rec at night.
3. I have to read at least 3 novels each month for fun.
4. I have to work on PhD stuff most nights. (This is my favorite because that is what I enjoy most!)
5. I have to plan at least 3 nights to spend time with friends or family.
6. I am not allowed to eat out during the week (unless it is with a friend).
The point of this list is to maintain my sanity. To understand that work should not take up ALL of my time and that the things I value outside of work are equally important. So far, I feel less stressed and so much happier than last year. I am eager to see how the year progresses and learn more about what I can do to enjoy my time as a teacher. :)
-Tracey
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Here We Go Again...Year 2!
Well, tomorrow I begin my 2nd year as a Middle School Language Arts teacher! I have to say, last year, I was just excited...this year, I feel excited, nervous and a little overwhelmed! Haha. There are a lot of changes happening at my school and in my life this year, so it will definitely be an adventure.
This year, I will be teaching 8th grade (so excited!) and I get to teach Pre-AP (my level of kids) and the special education inclusion class. I am so excited to practice what I have been learning in grad school while fine-tuning my skills as a teacher of high achieving students and students with learning disabilities. It's going to be great! I am also one of the cheerleading coaches at school (oh Lord!). So far, it is pretty neat...although people at my school find it hard to believe I was a cheerleader. (Is it really not obvious? haha)
Last year, I also finished my master's degree (WH11P!) and will be starting my PhD (double WH14P!) this month. This is what I have been working towards my entire life so I am beyond excited for it! I will only be taking 6 hours this Fall, and decided not to begin statistics, so that I will maintain my sanity. ;) (And, I'm counting down the days to 2014!)
Other than the above, I plan to get in better shape this year. My parents, generously, gave me their old treadmill, so I plan to run on it in the mornings to build up my mileage for the half-marathon I'm running in December. In addition to that, I plan to take advantage of the group classes at the rec most nights during the week. Hopefully through these endeavors, I will tone up, lose weight, be able to run my marathon and feel better all around.
I also plan to continue working on my book, reading lots of great literature, enjoying movies, playing video games and spending as much time as possible with my family, friends and Jack.
Here's to a great year!
-Tracey
This year, I will be teaching 8th grade (so excited!) and I get to teach Pre-AP (my level of kids) and the special education inclusion class. I am so excited to practice what I have been learning in grad school while fine-tuning my skills as a teacher of high achieving students and students with learning disabilities. It's going to be great! I am also one of the cheerleading coaches at school (oh Lord!). So far, it is pretty neat...although people at my school find it hard to believe I was a cheerleader. (Is it really not obvious? haha)
Last year, I also finished my master's degree (WH11P!) and will be starting my PhD (double WH14P!) this month. This is what I have been working towards my entire life so I am beyond excited for it! I will only be taking 6 hours this Fall, and decided not to begin statistics, so that I will maintain my sanity. ;) (And, I'm counting down the days to 2014!)
Other than the above, I plan to get in better shape this year. My parents, generously, gave me their old treadmill, so I plan to run on it in the mornings to build up my mileage for the half-marathon I'm running in December. In addition to that, I plan to take advantage of the group classes at the rec most nights during the week. Hopefully through these endeavors, I will tone up, lose weight, be able to run my marathon and feel better all around.
I also plan to continue working on my book, reading lots of great literature, enjoying movies, playing video games and spending as much time as possible with my family, friends and Jack.
Here's to a great year!
-Tracey
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I just wanted to share...
I read an article last night and came across this...I really feel like I need to share this (thanks for the push, Mom). Take it as you will.
How can we explain the phenomenon of "high scores but low skills?" Standardized tests by their very nature can only test a subset of useful skills. As a result, while a well-balanced effort at improving skills helps raise the test score, it is usually not as effective as a more focused approach: teaching/studying to the test. There is evidence that drilling students on content known to be on a test can significantly improve the students' performance on the test, but the resulting high test scores do not necessarily translate into corresponding knowledge and skills.
Liu, L. Neilson, W.S. (2011). High scores but low skills. Economics of Education Review, 30, 507-516.
How can we explain the phenomenon of "high scores but low skills?" Standardized tests by their very nature can only test a subset of useful skills. As a result, while a well-balanced effort at improving skills helps raise the test score, it is usually not as effective as a more focused approach: teaching/studying to the test. There is evidence that drilling students on content known to be on a test can significantly improve the students' performance on the test, but the resulting high test scores do not necessarily translate into corresponding knowledge and skills.
Liu, L. Neilson, W.S. (2011). High scores but low skills. Economics of Education Review, 30, 507-516.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Yes, I know this is an over-used phrase. Yes, I know it seems cliche. Yes, you are tired of hearing people use this phrase as motivation. However, it is the only phrase I could come up with that truly symbolizes how I currently feel.
When faced with blatant adversity, some people give up and run the other way. Some people stand their ground and fight with all their might. I am somewhere in the middle. I often stumble around a little bit and feel uneasy, then get back on my feet and quietly fight back.
I have three "bucket-list" items I would like to accomplish before I die. #1. Get a PhD. (in progress). #2 Have children. (I can't control this one). #3. Write a book that will make a difference. (beginning today).
My literary inspiration for years has been Harper Lee. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my all time favorite novels. It is fun to read, hits on important societal issues and makes a statement. Harper Lee was not popular in her day for writing this novel and faced a great deal of backlash, controversy and anger. I admire her, though, because she saw a fundamental problem in society and sought to change peoples' mindsets about that issue.
When I was about 11-years-old, I saw a problem in society that I felt passionate about. As I grew older and even watched my older sister struggle against this problem, I became more passionate about it. When I got to high school and college, I almost gave up because I didn't believe I could make a difference. Now, I feel more strongly than ever about this issue.
Last night, I came home and read a research article that reaffirmed what I believe and eased my frustrations, temporarily. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, blow-drying my hair, the inspiration came to me. Inspiration for a novel. A unique novel that takes a unique look at something in society that, if changed, would have lasting repercussions. I have never been so excited to embark on a new experience or project. I know this will take some time, so don't get excited just yet.
For the first time, I get to use my literary talents combined with my deep-rooted passions to create something that just might make a difference. Here's to happy writing!
:) Tracey
When faced with blatant adversity, some people give up and run the other way. Some people stand their ground and fight with all their might. I am somewhere in the middle. I often stumble around a little bit and feel uneasy, then get back on my feet and quietly fight back.
I have three "bucket-list" items I would like to accomplish before I die. #1. Get a PhD. (in progress). #2 Have children. (I can't control this one). #3. Write a book that will make a difference. (beginning today).
My literary inspiration for years has been Harper Lee. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my all time favorite novels. It is fun to read, hits on important societal issues and makes a statement. Harper Lee was not popular in her day for writing this novel and faced a great deal of backlash, controversy and anger. I admire her, though, because she saw a fundamental problem in society and sought to change peoples' mindsets about that issue.
When I was about 11-years-old, I saw a problem in society that I felt passionate about. As I grew older and even watched my older sister struggle against this problem, I became more passionate about it. When I got to high school and college, I almost gave up because I didn't believe I could make a difference. Now, I feel more strongly than ever about this issue.
Last night, I came home and read a research article that reaffirmed what I believe and eased my frustrations, temporarily. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, blow-drying my hair, the inspiration came to me. Inspiration for a novel. A unique novel that takes a unique look at something in society that, if changed, would have lasting repercussions. I have never been so excited to embark on a new experience or project. I know this will take some time, so don't get excited just yet.
For the first time, I get to use my literary talents combined with my deep-rooted passions to create something that just might make a difference. Here's to happy writing!
:) Tracey
Saturday, August 13, 2011
And she's finally made it full circle...
I feel like my life has finally made it full circle and the ambitious, young, doe-eyed girl is finally calming down into a successful, content, satisfied woman. What do I mean?
Once upon a time, there was a young girl who dreamed of ruling the world. It may sound comical, but she was that girl who wanted to be CEO of a major company. She literally wanted to rule the world. Now, in her perfect world, she had everything she wanted. She was running a major company in a huge city (Houston, Dallas, New York City, you know), but lived on a ranch, with several acres, in her dream home. Her daily routine would consist of waking up the kids, making breakfast for them and her extremely sexy cowboy husband, then going out to feed and tend to all the animals. The family would then leave for work and school. She would take the kiddos to school and make her way to a high power job dressed to the nines (with super sweet heels, of course). At the end of the work day, she would pick up the kids and take them home. At home, the family would again tend to all the animals and do the ranch-chores, eat dinner, spend time together and enjoy quiet, country nights together. Nice, huh?
Somewhere along the way of boyfriends, expectations, and ambition, this little girl lost her way. She came to college and became somewhat confused about what she wanted. Her boyfriend at the time thought her ideas of ranch life were crazy and encouraged her to do more. She met people that inspired her to want more out of life than a quiet existence in the country, but deep down, knew it was what she wanted. While at college, she realized that running a major company was definitely in her blood but not her heart; instead, she had a deep-rooted passion for education. She became damn-near obsessed with chasing this dream. Go to college, graduate, teach, get PhD, move, live in big city. Check, check, check.
Now, this little girl did nothing short of live up to every expectation. She graduated, she got a job teaching, she bought a house, she lived her life by giving every spare bit of energy she had to accomplishing those big city dreams. However, she wasn't completely happy with the sacrifices she had made and who she had become. She still had a deep-rooted longing for more and less. Accomplishing and settling. Busy and simple.
Over the course of last year, I found myself LONGING to go to my parent's house, the place I had avoided for years (because I was a grown up and that's what grown ups do, right?). I found solace and comfort in the country. Peace and quiet filled my soul and made me feel whole again. But the desire to be near tall buildings, museums, culture, busy-ness is still part of me.
After an extremely confusing summer full of self-revelation, I have found some answers and came full circle to a better place. I cannot say that I am the same little girl who went away to college with big ambitions. Instead, I am an accomplished woman with simple desires. Yes, I want more than anything to finish my PhD. It is one of the most important things in my life. However, I DO want a simpler, quieter life than the one I have been living. I want to meet a fantastic man with a good heart who wants to live on a plot of land outside of a big city. I want him to be a hard-working family man. Someday, I want to build that dream house I have imagined my entire life. I want that dream house to be FULL of children. I want to work at a university in a big city. I want to come home to the country each night.
All in all, I want my small town, country upbringing WITH my big city dreams. It feels incredible to find clarity in what I want and to finally, for the first time in five years, know exactly what I want out of my life and where I want to go. So, all that's really left to say is, BRING IT ON!
-Tracey
Once upon a time, there was a young girl who dreamed of ruling the world. It may sound comical, but she was that girl who wanted to be CEO of a major company. She literally wanted to rule the world. Now, in her perfect world, she had everything she wanted. She was running a major company in a huge city (Houston, Dallas, New York City, you know), but lived on a ranch, with several acres, in her dream home. Her daily routine would consist of waking up the kids, making breakfast for them and her extremely sexy cowboy husband, then going out to feed and tend to all the animals. The family would then leave for work and school. She would take the kiddos to school and make her way to a high power job dressed to the nines (with super sweet heels, of course). At the end of the work day, she would pick up the kids and take them home. At home, the family would again tend to all the animals and do the ranch-chores, eat dinner, spend time together and enjoy quiet, country nights together. Nice, huh?
Somewhere along the way of boyfriends, expectations, and ambition, this little girl lost her way. She came to college and became somewhat confused about what she wanted. Her boyfriend at the time thought her ideas of ranch life were crazy and encouraged her to do more. She met people that inspired her to want more out of life than a quiet existence in the country, but deep down, knew it was what she wanted. While at college, she realized that running a major company was definitely in her blood but not her heart; instead, she had a deep-rooted passion for education. She became damn-near obsessed with chasing this dream. Go to college, graduate, teach, get PhD, move, live in big city. Check, check, check.
Now, this little girl did nothing short of live up to every expectation. She graduated, she got a job teaching, she bought a house, she lived her life by giving every spare bit of energy she had to accomplishing those big city dreams. However, she wasn't completely happy with the sacrifices she had made and who she had become. She still had a deep-rooted longing for more and less. Accomplishing and settling. Busy and simple.
Over the course of last year, I found myself LONGING to go to my parent's house, the place I had avoided for years (because I was a grown up and that's what grown ups do, right?). I found solace and comfort in the country. Peace and quiet filled my soul and made me feel whole again. But the desire to be near tall buildings, museums, culture, busy-ness is still part of me.
After an extremely confusing summer full of self-revelation, I have found some answers and came full circle to a better place. I cannot say that I am the same little girl who went away to college with big ambitions. Instead, I am an accomplished woman with simple desires. Yes, I want more than anything to finish my PhD. It is one of the most important things in my life. However, I DO want a simpler, quieter life than the one I have been living. I want to meet a fantastic man with a good heart who wants to live on a plot of land outside of a big city. I want him to be a hard-working family man. Someday, I want to build that dream house I have imagined my entire life. I want that dream house to be FULL of children. I want to work at a university in a big city. I want to come home to the country each night.
All in all, I want my small town, country upbringing WITH my big city dreams. It feels incredible to find clarity in what I want and to finally, for the first time in five years, know exactly what I want out of my life and where I want to go. So, all that's really left to say is, BRING IT ON!
-Tracey
Friday, August 12, 2011
Goodbye Summer, Welcome Fall 2011!
Summer is officially over in two short days. I'm sad. Done.
I have had an amazing and relaxing summer. This is the first summer since I was 15-years-old that I did not work or take summer classes, and boy, did it feel nice! It was exactly what I needed after 5 straight years of college. I feel refreshed, energized and ready to tackle the challenges of Fall.
This Fall will prove to be the busiest yet for me (as if that is possible). I will be teaching 8th grade and assisting with cheerleading at school. That, in and of itself, will keep me very busy. Added to that will be nine hours of graduate courses (3) including my first statistics class that is already scaring me a bit. As my mom said, I will finally have to study some, so I'm trying to plan time for that. It is going to be a new adventure, but I am ready for it.
In addition to school and work, I plan to continue working out during the semester. I have already programmed into my Google Calendar workout times and classes so I am ready. I will try to strengthen and tone my body while I continue my running training for the half-marathon in December. Other than those things, I plan to watch some fun TV shows, go see movies, cook, hang out with friends and family and enjoy being a hip (soon-to-be) 24-year-old.
All-in-all, I am excited about the challenges of the Fall and the fun it will bring. :) Wish me luck!
-Tracey
I have had an amazing and relaxing summer. This is the first summer since I was 15-years-old that I did not work or take summer classes, and boy, did it feel nice! It was exactly what I needed after 5 straight years of college. I feel refreshed, energized and ready to tackle the challenges of Fall.
This Fall will prove to be the busiest yet for me (as if that is possible). I will be teaching 8th grade and assisting with cheerleading at school. That, in and of itself, will keep me very busy. Added to that will be nine hours of graduate courses (3) including my first statistics class that is already scaring me a bit. As my mom said, I will finally have to study some, so I'm trying to plan time for that. It is going to be a new adventure, but I am ready for it.
In addition to school and work, I plan to continue working out during the semester. I have already programmed into my Google Calendar workout times and classes so I am ready. I will try to strengthen and tone my body while I continue my running training for the half-marathon in December. Other than those things, I plan to watch some fun TV shows, go see movies, cook, hang out with friends and family and enjoy being a hip (soon-to-be) 24-year-old.
All-in-all, I am excited about the challenges of the Fall and the fun it will bring. :) Wish me luck!
-Tracey
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Open mouth, insert foot...
Well, on more than one occasion, I have spoken without thinking. Today, was no different, or less embarrassing. For someone who is getting a PhD, you'd think I'd have more common sense.
One of my most embarrassing moments to date, and a perfect example of not thinking before I speak, happened earlier this year in one of my master's classes. For this particular class, the students had to each research a topic of their choosing and create a PowerPoint presentation of their findings. They were then grilled by the class and professor on their research. Now, I adore this professor and happened to pick a topic of study that he was well-versed in. I primarily chose this topic because I thought it was kind of silly and a pointless topic in studying education (spelling, seriously? who needs it). I wanted to rock the boat a little. :) Now, I'm a huge advocate of the topic and am even considering doctoral research on the topic. Anyway, while I adore this professor, he is a bit slow to get through a PowerPoint. His presentations were usually no less than 80 slides (which can't be done in 3 hours) and very dense (I'm sure all my PhD friends no exactly who this is!) On this particular day, we were beginning our own presentations and he got to sit back and listen to us. After the first person presented, the class clapped to show their appreciation to the peer-speaker. The professor then remarked, "How come you never clap when I finish a presentation?" Without thinking, I look him in the eye and announce, "Well, Dr. *, you never finish a presentation." Ouch. The entire class responded to my inappropriate response, the professor gave me a hard time, and believe me, he grilled me after my presentation. (Note to self, "think before you speak".)
Now, today, I got to make a fool of myself once again. This week I have Pre-AP training with some of my colleagues and teachers from other schools. I decided to be a bit of a smart-ass, and got onto some of my co-workers for not listening and paying attention to the speaker. "Now, if you were listening, you would know the directions," I said to them in a mocking teacher voice (if only I'd known then that karma is a, well, you get the picture). Anyway, the speaker then passed out cards to us that had a word on them. Everyone got a different word. I looked down at mine, which said "fortress". Now, I wasn't entirely paying attention to the speaker, and kind of zoned out momentarily. Mistake. She then begins reading cards, just like the ones she passed out, aloud to the group. Since this was a lesson on diction (word choice), I assumed if our word carried the same meaning as the one she said, we were supposed to shout it out. (Her directions had clearly said to do this, and I think she promised candy as a reward...or at least that is what my brain told me in that moment.) She reads the first word, no one says anything and she puts the card down. I should have been tipped off by everyone else's silence but assumed the rest of the group was too timid to shout out at the speaker. The next word she read was "dwelling". Quickly, my brain thinks "Dwelling..ok, that is kind of like a fortress. I mean people could live in a fortress. They are both buildings. YELL!" So, I scream, "FORTRESS" and wave my card in the air. Imagine my shock when I did not receive praise, or candy, but instead, everyone turns to me and LAUGHS! Clearly, I did not think before I spoke (yelled) and clearly, I was mistaken on what was going on. My co-worker then looks at me and says, "Now, if you were paying attention, you would have heard the directions," in a mocking teacher voice.
I'd like to say that I've learned my lesson and will think before I speak, but everyone who knows me knows this is an impossible feat. Karma's a bitch, but hopefully you got a good laugh. :)
-Tracey
One of my most embarrassing moments to date, and a perfect example of not thinking before I speak, happened earlier this year in one of my master's classes. For this particular class, the students had to each research a topic of their choosing and create a PowerPoint presentation of their findings. They were then grilled by the class and professor on their research. Now, I adore this professor and happened to pick a topic of study that he was well-versed in. I primarily chose this topic because I thought it was kind of silly and a pointless topic in studying education (spelling, seriously? who needs it). I wanted to rock the boat a little. :) Now, I'm a huge advocate of the topic and am even considering doctoral research on the topic. Anyway, while I adore this professor, he is a bit slow to get through a PowerPoint. His presentations were usually no less than 80 slides (which can't be done in 3 hours) and very dense (I'm sure all my PhD friends no exactly who this is!) On this particular day, we were beginning our own presentations and he got to sit back and listen to us. After the first person presented, the class clapped to show their appreciation to the peer-speaker. The professor then remarked, "How come you never clap when I finish a presentation?" Without thinking, I look him in the eye and announce, "Well, Dr. *, you never finish a presentation." Ouch. The entire class responded to my inappropriate response, the professor gave me a hard time, and believe me, he grilled me after my presentation. (Note to self, "think before you speak".)
Now, today, I got to make a fool of myself once again. This week I have Pre-AP training with some of my colleagues and teachers from other schools. I decided to be a bit of a smart-ass, and got onto some of my co-workers for not listening and paying attention to the speaker. "Now, if you were listening, you would know the directions," I said to them in a mocking teacher voice (if only I'd known then that karma is a, well, you get the picture). Anyway, the speaker then passed out cards to us that had a word on them. Everyone got a different word. I looked down at mine, which said "fortress". Now, I wasn't entirely paying attention to the speaker, and kind of zoned out momentarily. Mistake. She then begins reading cards, just like the ones she passed out, aloud to the group. Since this was a lesson on diction (word choice), I assumed if our word carried the same meaning as the one she said, we were supposed to shout it out. (Her directions had clearly said to do this, and I think she promised candy as a reward...or at least that is what my brain told me in that moment.) She reads the first word, no one says anything and she puts the card down. I should have been tipped off by everyone else's silence but assumed the rest of the group was too timid to shout out at the speaker. The next word she read was "dwelling". Quickly, my brain thinks "Dwelling..ok, that is kind of like a fortress. I mean people could live in a fortress. They are both buildings. YELL!" So, I scream, "FORTRESS" and wave my card in the air. Imagine my shock when I did not receive praise, or candy, but instead, everyone turns to me and LAUGHS! Clearly, I did not think before I spoke (yelled) and clearly, I was mistaken on what was going on. My co-worker then looks at me and says, "Now, if you were paying attention, you would have heard the directions," in a mocking teacher voice.
I'd like to say that I've learned my lesson and will think before I speak, but everyone who knows me knows this is an impossible feat. Karma's a bitch, but hopefully you got a good laugh. :)
-Tracey
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all..."
I heard this song on my iTunes today and was struck by this line. I have had a consistent problem of overdoing things and taking on too much at one time (but hey, it makes me happy). Although, it does make everyone around me miserable at times. This upcoming Fall is no exception and I am already a little nervous (and it hasn't even started yet). Moreover, I find myself wishing so badly that I had a clone...life would be much easier if there were two of me. So what is on tap for the fall:
1. Teaching (year 2), 3 different classes (pre-ap ELA, co-teach ELA, corrective reading)
2. Grad School (first semester as a PhD student) - 9 hours (because less would be sensible)
3. Graduate Student Council (after not being involved at the university during my master's, I want to get more involved this year)
4. Cheerleading coach
5. Jack, family and friends
I wonder how normal people do everything. How do people make it all work? The sad truth is everything I am doing above isn't half of what I WANT to do. What else do I want to do?:
1. Teach Sunday school at church
2. Plan out and complete a research study
3. Publish several papers I've written
4. Attend conferences
5. Volunteer around the community
6. Join a tennis league
7. Have time for my hobbies and interests
8. Oh, yea...find time for a "love life"? haha
Since I'm fairly certain we are not able to clone humans (or not going to anyway), I will have to continue figuring out a way to "do it all" and "make it work". Although, I am open to suggestions.
Am I just too ambitious or am I missing something?
-Tracey
1. Teaching (year 2), 3 different classes (pre-ap ELA, co-teach ELA, corrective reading)
2. Grad School (first semester as a PhD student) - 9 hours (because less would be sensible)
3. Graduate Student Council (after not being involved at the university during my master's, I want to get more involved this year)
4. Cheerleading coach
5. Jack, family and friends
I wonder how normal people do everything. How do people make it all work? The sad truth is everything I am doing above isn't half of what I WANT to do. What else do I want to do?:
1. Teach Sunday school at church
2. Plan out and complete a research study
3. Publish several papers I've written
4. Attend conferences
5. Volunteer around the community
6. Join a tennis league
7. Have time for my hobbies and interests
8. Oh, yea...find time for a "love life"? haha
Since I'm fairly certain we are not able to clone humans (or not going to anyway), I will have to continue figuring out a way to "do it all" and "make it work". Although, I am open to suggestions.
Am I just too ambitious or am I missing something?
-Tracey
Friday, July 22, 2011
Only one month left??
Yesterday, I traveled to the Rock to see my family and as I was having lunch with the Hodges women (mom, sis, grandma and myself...we all have the same last name), my mom mentions, "You haven't blogged recently" so this is for you, Mom.
Truth is, I haven't blogged lately, but as it turns out, I become a pretty boring person when not consumed by work and school. I don't feel like I have that much to update the world about..but here are a few fun updates that I'd like to share.
So what does my life look like without work and school? I have been on many shopping excursions and lunch dates with friends. I have read a lot of wonderful books and seen many movies. Jack and I have got to spend a great deal of time training..and napping. I got to see my family more than I have seen them in the past 5 years. My house is immaculately clean and organized. I have experimented with cooking and baking. Several new pairs of shoes have made their way into my closet. Lots of swimming, running, Zumba, pilates and yoga have taken place. I made a scrapbook. I went to a Astros/Rangers baseball game and New York City. I took three teacher certification tests. I completed my IRB (International Research Board) training and Gifted/Talented training. I've planned out my research study and completed the necessary back up research for it (hopefully to be implemented in fall or spring). All in all, I have been productive and can't complain; although, I've yet again proven to myself that I can't be one of those people who isn't insanely busy and overloaded. I work well when my plate is too full.
Most importantly, I feel that I've grown as a person this summer in ways I am greatly thankful for and I am excited to share my improved self with my students and classmates.
Last weekend in church, the sermon was about obedience versus sin. Now, throw my name and "obedience" into the same sentence and that is an equation for defiance. By definition, I like to break the rules just to do it and I like to push the envelope...especially toward authority, routine and structure. I like change, for the most part. I like to question everything. As a Christian, it has always been challenging for me to find the will power and motivation to be obedient just because I don't like to do what I'm told for the sole purpose of it being right. I need reasons. Thankfully, I'm blessed to attend the church I do and found solace in the answer I received about why obedience is necessary. Bottom line, obedience leads to God being happy which makes me happy which makes people around me happy. Sin leads to God being unhappy which makes me unhappy which makes people around me unhappy. That makes sense. So, I decided to apply what I learned in church. I prayed to God for help and for one of the first times in my life, tried to be obedient to what I know is right and steer away from sin. Somehow, God always manages to reward me quickly when I do what I'm supposed to. Monday morning, I got God's reward in a few ways. First of all, I found out I passed my GT test which I had been certain I had done poorly on (although I would never admit that until now). The second thing far outweighs passing a test. I got a random email from an old co-worker. I was completely surprised to get this email as I felt that I had not formed a very close bond with this person. We had talked on several occasions and I had tried to be helpful and somewhat positive through the struggles of both of us. This email was simply to fill me in on his life and thank me for all I had done. He mentioned that he would take what I had taught him about being a teacher and apply it to his own classroom. Wow. I was utterly speechless and completely grateful for the kind words. I'm a perfectionist and I almost never feel satisfied with my own abilities or skills, therefore, I rarely feel like I do a good job in anything, which is pretty ridiculous (I'll admit). In two simple ways, God showed me that I am doing exactly what He created me to do and that I am glorifying Him through my actions.
Now, God doesn't just stop there. In this same week, He introduced me to a new friend while strengthening the bonds I have with old friends, brought an old friend back into my life and gave me the opportunity to spend time with girlfriends I have missed since undergrad. Wow, God is good.
I know this posting is a bit everywhere, but that's how my thoughts are today as I reflect on what has been a fantastic summer. I am so relaxed, refreshed, recharged and re-energized and can't wait to begin a new school year as a 2nd-year teacher and PhD student. I just hope that I can continue to be obedient so that I can glorify God in everything I do.
-Tracey
Truth is, I haven't blogged lately, but as it turns out, I become a pretty boring person when not consumed by work and school. I don't feel like I have that much to update the world about..but here are a few fun updates that I'd like to share.
So what does my life look like without work and school? I have been on many shopping excursions and lunch dates with friends. I have read a lot of wonderful books and seen many movies. Jack and I have got to spend a great deal of time training..and napping. I got to see my family more than I have seen them in the past 5 years. My house is immaculately clean and organized. I have experimented with cooking and baking. Several new pairs of shoes have made their way into my closet. Lots of swimming, running, Zumba, pilates and yoga have taken place. I made a scrapbook. I went to a Astros/Rangers baseball game and New York City. I took three teacher certification tests. I completed my IRB (International Research Board) training and Gifted/Talented training. I've planned out my research study and completed the necessary back up research for it (hopefully to be implemented in fall or spring). All in all, I have been productive and can't complain; although, I've yet again proven to myself that I can't be one of those people who isn't insanely busy and overloaded. I work well when my plate is too full.
Most importantly, I feel that I've grown as a person this summer in ways I am greatly thankful for and I am excited to share my improved self with my students and classmates.
Last weekend in church, the sermon was about obedience versus sin. Now, throw my name and "obedience" into the same sentence and that is an equation for defiance. By definition, I like to break the rules just to do it and I like to push the envelope...especially toward authority, routine and structure. I like change, for the most part. I like to question everything. As a Christian, it has always been challenging for me to find the will power and motivation to be obedient just because I don't like to do what I'm told for the sole purpose of it being right. I need reasons. Thankfully, I'm blessed to attend the church I do and found solace in the answer I received about why obedience is necessary. Bottom line, obedience leads to God being happy which makes me happy which makes people around me happy. Sin leads to God being unhappy which makes me unhappy which makes people around me unhappy. That makes sense. So, I decided to apply what I learned in church. I prayed to God for help and for one of the first times in my life, tried to be obedient to what I know is right and steer away from sin. Somehow, God always manages to reward me quickly when I do what I'm supposed to. Monday morning, I got God's reward in a few ways. First of all, I found out I passed my GT test which I had been certain I had done poorly on (although I would never admit that until now). The second thing far outweighs passing a test. I got a random email from an old co-worker. I was completely surprised to get this email as I felt that I had not formed a very close bond with this person. We had talked on several occasions and I had tried to be helpful and somewhat positive through the struggles of both of us. This email was simply to fill me in on his life and thank me for all I had done. He mentioned that he would take what I had taught him about being a teacher and apply it to his own classroom. Wow. I was utterly speechless and completely grateful for the kind words. I'm a perfectionist and I almost never feel satisfied with my own abilities or skills, therefore, I rarely feel like I do a good job in anything, which is pretty ridiculous (I'll admit). In two simple ways, God showed me that I am doing exactly what He created me to do and that I am glorifying Him through my actions.
Now, God doesn't just stop there. In this same week, He introduced me to a new friend while strengthening the bonds I have with old friends, brought an old friend back into my life and gave me the opportunity to spend time with girlfriends I have missed since undergrad. Wow, God is good.
I know this posting is a bit everywhere, but that's how my thoughts are today as I reflect on what has been a fantastic summer. I am so relaxed, refreshed, recharged and re-energized and can't wait to begin a new school year as a 2nd-year teacher and PhD student. I just hope that I can continue to be obedient so that I can glorify God in everything I do.
-Tracey
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Summer Updates
Well, it's about a week and a half into my much anticipated summer vacation and I have yet to update! So, here goes...
June has already proven to be quite busy and I have been very productive on the job front...go me! I have attended a technology training, taken and successfully passed my ESL Supplemental and Special Education certification exams and have almost finished my online GT training. :) I'm pretty pleased with myself. I have also added a new hat to my collection of jobs...I will be one of the cheer coaches at my school next year. Welcome back to high school, I guess? Haha, but I'm pretty excited about the new opportunity. Once again, God has given me absolutely EVERYTHING I wanted at once. And while it may not be in exactly the way I thought it would be, I'm still super excited and realize how incredibly blessed I truly am. The rest of June will pass with the trip to New York City (the closest thing to Heaven on Earth, seriously) and taking my GT certification exam. The last day of the month will be spent in Houston with my sister and mom seeing the Rangers/Astros play.
July seems to be a pretty chill month without too much planned. I am patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for HP 7.2 to come out (which I will be seeing at midnight with my mom and sister). Yes, it makes me nerdy, but I grew up with that series and am sad yet excited to see it come to an end. I have seen every Harry Potter movie in theaters, which is quite a feat for me. It's going to be epic. Other than that, I am planning a trip to see the BFF in San Antonio and enjoying the rest of my summer vacation.
I have spent a lot of time reading, watching movies, staying up late, laying by the pool, taking Jack for walks, shopping and hanging out with friends and family. Summer is a true blessing and I am planning to enjoy every minute of it! :)
June has already proven to be quite busy and I have been very productive on the job front...go me! I have attended a technology training, taken and successfully passed my ESL Supplemental and Special Education certification exams and have almost finished my online GT training. :) I'm pretty pleased with myself. I have also added a new hat to my collection of jobs...I will be one of the cheer coaches at my school next year. Welcome back to high school, I guess? Haha, but I'm pretty excited about the new opportunity. Once again, God has given me absolutely EVERYTHING I wanted at once. And while it may not be in exactly the way I thought it would be, I'm still super excited and realize how incredibly blessed I truly am. The rest of June will pass with the trip to New York City (the closest thing to Heaven on Earth, seriously) and taking my GT certification exam. The last day of the month will be spent in Houston with my sister and mom seeing the Rangers/Astros play.
July seems to be a pretty chill month without too much planned. I am patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for HP 7.2 to come out (which I will be seeing at midnight with my mom and sister). Yes, it makes me nerdy, but I grew up with that series and am sad yet excited to see it come to an end. I have seen every Harry Potter movie in theaters, which is quite a feat for me. It's going to be epic. Other than that, I am planning a trip to see the BFF in San Antonio and enjoying the rest of my summer vacation.
I have spent a lot of time reading, watching movies, staying up late, laying by the pool, taking Jack for walks, shopping and hanging out with friends and family. Summer is a true blessing and I am planning to enjoy every minute of it! :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
Thank you, God, yet again
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:6-7
As I think about my prayers lately, I am brought to this verse, and realize that God has had a brilliant plan for me all along. With continued prayer, with continued faith and with (a little) patience, I am completely satisfied with where I see the Lord taking me.
I have had a year full of obstacles and struggles as a first-year teacher, but have learned more than I could have imagined. After much prayer, I have been given the opportunity to grow even more as a teacher and use all the knowledge I have learned in the past year. I get to apply my master's degree directly in the next year while getting to teach students of all levels. I have a passion for helping students with learning disabilities and am beyond excited to get to apply what I know to help these students succeed. I never could have guessed that God would respond to me in such a way or that I would be blessed with such a wonderful opportunity. I know this next year as a teacher will prove even better than the year before. I am excited for the opportunity to create new and exciting lessons, teach more than one level and explore new strategies. I came into teaching for these reasons and am excited to be immersed in them.
Once again, I am reminded that I can do nothing without God and that if I will just trust in Him, I will be satisfied while serving His purposes.
-Tracey
-Philippians 4:6-7
As I think about my prayers lately, I am brought to this verse, and realize that God has had a brilliant plan for me all along. With continued prayer, with continued faith and with (a little) patience, I am completely satisfied with where I see the Lord taking me.
I have had a year full of obstacles and struggles as a first-year teacher, but have learned more than I could have imagined. After much prayer, I have been given the opportunity to grow even more as a teacher and use all the knowledge I have learned in the past year. I get to apply my master's degree directly in the next year while getting to teach students of all levels. I have a passion for helping students with learning disabilities and am beyond excited to get to apply what I know to help these students succeed. I never could have guessed that God would respond to me in such a way or that I would be blessed with such a wonderful opportunity. I know this next year as a teacher will prove even better than the year before. I am excited for the opportunity to create new and exciting lessons, teach more than one level and explore new strategies. I came into teaching for these reasons and am excited to be immersed in them.
Once again, I am reminded that I can do nothing without God and that if I will just trust in Him, I will be satisfied while serving His purposes.
-Tracey
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Thank you, God for the slap back to reality...
Summer...I have been dreaming about you for many months. I have longed for summer to be here. Now, this is ironic, especially when you take into account that I don't particularly like summer at all. Sure, it's nice, but it's hot! (and that is one thing I dislike more than most things). I have been dreaming of summer so that the most challenging year of my life, my first year teaching, would be over. Fast. Well, as always, when I am in doubt, losing hope and feeling despair, my knight-in-shining-armor-God sweeps in and saves me. Just at the right moment.
I have never felt so defeated. I have never cried more in my life. I have never gone through such big ups and downs. And, at the very end of the day (the end of the school-year), I have not felt so much joy, pride and love...as I have felt in my first year of teaching.
Anyone who has even spoken to me since August knows that this year has been an uphill battle. Many nights of lost sleep, more hours than I would have liked stressing, lots of tears, etc, etc...I thought I had failed my kids. I thought I was a sub-par teacher. I thought over and over "I'm not sure I can do this". Being the driven, strong-willed person I am, I couldn't believe my dream of being a teacher was something I wasn't cut out to do. The only thing I felt I could do to survive was to pray for God to give me strength and wisdom.
Well, He did better. On Monday, He gave us the dreaded TAKS scores...Let's just say, I was terrified to look at my kids' results. I didn't want to see them. I considered hiding so no one could find me or making myself so busy, I wouldn't have time to deal with it. Instead, I sucked it up, braced myself for the worst and looked at the scores anyway. Then, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then, I was overjoyed. Then, I was shocked. I told my kids the GOOD news. They had done it. They had succeeded. Turns out, I hadn't failed them at all...I had actually helped them succeed and through the "blood, sweat and tears" done something right. I was so excited to tell them how well they had done on their Writing and Reading TAKS. They were equally excited. Students I didn't get to see came up to me after school and gave me high fives and hugs. They just wanted me to know how well they did. (I tried to act surprised, like I didn't already know their good news.) Finally, when I got home that night, I cried again, but this time with tears of joy instead of despair. :)
As the year is coming to a close, I am realizing how much my little thug, gansta, gang-bangers mean to me. They have become a very important part of my life. While they make me madder than I can describe, they have surprised me beyond measure with what they are capable of achieving. If I could adopt every one of them and take them home with me, I just might. :)
So, thank you, God for my blunt slap back to reality and back to the realization that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. You were right all along and as always, I was not. Finally, I can see the plans you had for me...plans to prosper me and my kids. Jeremiah 29:11
-Tracey
I have never felt so defeated. I have never cried more in my life. I have never gone through such big ups and downs. And, at the very end of the day (the end of the school-year), I have not felt so much joy, pride and love...as I have felt in my first year of teaching.
Anyone who has even spoken to me since August knows that this year has been an uphill battle. Many nights of lost sleep, more hours than I would have liked stressing, lots of tears, etc, etc...I thought I had failed my kids. I thought I was a sub-par teacher. I thought over and over "I'm not sure I can do this". Being the driven, strong-willed person I am, I couldn't believe my dream of being a teacher was something I wasn't cut out to do. The only thing I felt I could do to survive was to pray for God to give me strength and wisdom.
Well, He did better. On Monday, He gave us the dreaded TAKS scores...Let's just say, I was terrified to look at my kids' results. I didn't want to see them. I considered hiding so no one could find me or making myself so busy, I wouldn't have time to deal with it. Instead, I sucked it up, braced myself for the worst and looked at the scores anyway. Then, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then, I was overjoyed. Then, I was shocked. I told my kids the GOOD news. They had done it. They had succeeded. Turns out, I hadn't failed them at all...I had actually helped them succeed and through the "blood, sweat and tears" done something right. I was so excited to tell them how well they had done on their Writing and Reading TAKS. They were equally excited. Students I didn't get to see came up to me after school and gave me high fives and hugs. They just wanted me to know how well they did. (I tried to act surprised, like I didn't already know their good news.) Finally, when I got home that night, I cried again, but this time with tears of joy instead of despair. :)
As the year is coming to a close, I am realizing how much my little thug, gansta, gang-bangers mean to me. They have become a very important part of my life. While they make me madder than I can describe, they have surprised me beyond measure with what they are capable of achieving. If I could adopt every one of them and take them home with me, I just might. :)
So, thank you, God for my blunt slap back to reality and back to the realization that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. You were right all along and as always, I was not. Finally, I can see the plans you had for me...plans to prosper me and my kids. Jeremiah 29:11
-Tracey
Monday, May 9, 2011
Reflections of Years Gone By...
Wow! That is all I can really say about the past 5 years of my life and the upcoming 5. I feel so blessed, it is unimaginable. Five years ago this month, I was but a headstrong, determined 18-year-old who was graduating from high school. A year and a five months ago, I was a headstrong, determined 22-year-old who was graduating from college. In just 5 days, I will be a headstrong, determined 23-year-old who will be graduating with her master's degree. Finally, in three months, I will be a headstrong, determined 24-year-old beginning a PhD. Wow! I cannot believe how my education has progressed and at such a rapid pace. Yes, I had something to do with that, but today, I am thankful that I was given that opportunity. I thank God that I was given the gifts necessary to achieve my goals and that I was given every resource imaginable to make me successful. I could not have done it without Him, the help of supportive family, friends and mentors and the God-given determination and headstrong-ness I mentioned above.
Now, onto the next five years. I always knew I wanted to get a PhD (yes, as a child, I wanted to go to school forever...I obviously was not normal). When I got to college, I realized that education was, in fact, my true passion despite my abilities to fight it during high school. I quickly discovered that I would be getting my PhD in education someday so that I could become a researcher, professor, advocate and politician. However, I had never truly thought BEYOND getting my PhD...what exactly would I do? Lately, I have really been thinking about this, and I have some answers. I want to do research in education pertaining to writing at the secondary level, integration of technology and spelling/phonics instruction at the secondary level. Additionally, I want to research dyslexia and autism in regards to reading education. Those are my research interests and what I hope to be able to teach in my classes. Someday in the extremely distant future, I want to be a politician so that I can TRULY reform education for the better. Before I get there though, I also want to work as a methodologist. Yes, I want to spend my days analyzing data and conveying it's meaning to others. Most of my PhD will consist of statistics courses and methods classes, so I feel I will be well-prepared for that.
I am so completely excited for what the past five years have taught me and what the next five years will bring into my life. August will be an epic month as I begin the newest and most exciting journey of my young life. :)
Join me for this crazy ride!
-Tracey
Now, onto the next five years. I always knew I wanted to get a PhD (yes, as a child, I wanted to go to school forever...I obviously was not normal). When I got to college, I realized that education was, in fact, my true passion despite my abilities to fight it during high school. I quickly discovered that I would be getting my PhD in education someday so that I could become a researcher, professor, advocate and politician. However, I had never truly thought BEYOND getting my PhD...what exactly would I do? Lately, I have really been thinking about this, and I have some answers. I want to do research in education pertaining to writing at the secondary level, integration of technology and spelling/phonics instruction at the secondary level. Additionally, I want to research dyslexia and autism in regards to reading education. Those are my research interests and what I hope to be able to teach in my classes. Someday in the extremely distant future, I want to be a politician so that I can TRULY reform education for the better. Before I get there though, I also want to work as a methodologist. Yes, I want to spend my days analyzing data and conveying it's meaning to others. Most of my PhD will consist of statistics courses and methods classes, so I feel I will be well-prepared for that.
I am so completely excited for what the past five years have taught me and what the next five years will bring into my life. August will be an epic month as I begin the newest and most exciting journey of my young life. :)
Join me for this crazy ride!
-Tracey
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Reconnecting with one of my first loves...
When I was a little girl (around 4, I think), I discovered love. Love that could brighten my day no matter what. Love that was solid and unwavering. Love that made me believe I could do anything or be anyone I wanted. This love was reading.
Once I learned how to read, I couldn't stop. It was not uncommon for me to cry and throw a tantrum if my family would not take me to the library to get new books. I had a library card at such a young age, I couldn't even sign my own name. I would check out the maximum number of books at a time and went often. My mom put me in book clubs during the summers and ordered me books all the time. I went through phases of loving certain series, authors or genres (just as I do today). I would read everything I could get my hands on. I knew this was love.
As I grew older, this love did not change even as I became interested in sports, boys, working, etc. All the way through high school, I was an avid reader. In college, I was an English major so many of my classes forced me to read novels in addition to textbooks. I loved it. Then, when I graduated and entered the work force, something changed.
All at once, I was thrown into working more than I ever had in my life and going to school full-time at night. I had no spare time to read. I would try to read before I went to bed each night, just as I had done for years before, but I couldn't stay awake long enough to do so. My mom and friends who are also avid readers would try to talk to me about books, but I wouldn't be able to join the conversation because I hadn't read a book in months. The longest I had ever gone without enjoying what the black and white pages could offer.
It seemed strange to me that this could happen, especially since my love for reading paved the road to where I am now. I am an English teacher because of this love. (Seriously, a career where I get to read and write everyday and share that with others? Done.) It is also the soul source of my PhD studies in reading education. As I got older, I realized that (gasp!) there are people who do not like to read! And worse, many people who don't know how to read (this can't be!). So, I decided it would be my life's work to share a love for reading and writing with everyone I could, and to help those who are struggling. Hence, where I am today: a PhD student studying reading and writing education and a secondary English teacher.
Now, how could I really let this love be pushed aside by work, school, friends, family, Jack (the puppy), dating, life, etc. This had to stop. So, over Spring Break, I began reading a novel for fun again. Gosh, I enjoyed it. To get to be someone else for a short period of time. To get to go on wild adventures. To get to experience a life so unlike my own. It was mesmerizing. In the past two weeks, I have read 3 new novels and today I am starting my 4th. Do I really have time for this? Short answer, no. However, I love it too much to not do it. So, I will stay awake a few extra hours each night because I have to discover more and find out what happens next. I'll wake up just a little earlier, reach over to my bedside table and pick up where I left off the night before. It is pure joy and love, and it's worth it.
-Tracey
Recent Reads:
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin
Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond - The Pioneer Woman
Once I learned how to read, I couldn't stop. It was not uncommon for me to cry and throw a tantrum if my family would not take me to the library to get new books. I had a library card at such a young age, I couldn't even sign my own name. I would check out the maximum number of books at a time and went often. My mom put me in book clubs during the summers and ordered me books all the time. I went through phases of loving certain series, authors or genres (just as I do today). I would read everything I could get my hands on. I knew this was love.
As I grew older, this love did not change even as I became interested in sports, boys, working, etc. All the way through high school, I was an avid reader. In college, I was an English major so many of my classes forced me to read novels in addition to textbooks. I loved it. Then, when I graduated and entered the work force, something changed.
All at once, I was thrown into working more than I ever had in my life and going to school full-time at night. I had no spare time to read. I would try to read before I went to bed each night, just as I had done for years before, but I couldn't stay awake long enough to do so. My mom and friends who are also avid readers would try to talk to me about books, but I wouldn't be able to join the conversation because I hadn't read a book in months. The longest I had ever gone without enjoying what the black and white pages could offer.
It seemed strange to me that this could happen, especially since my love for reading paved the road to where I am now. I am an English teacher because of this love. (Seriously, a career where I get to read and write everyday and share that with others? Done.) It is also the soul source of my PhD studies in reading education. As I got older, I realized that (gasp!) there are people who do not like to read! And worse, many people who don't know how to read (this can't be!). So, I decided it would be my life's work to share a love for reading and writing with everyone I could, and to help those who are struggling. Hence, where I am today: a PhD student studying reading and writing education and a secondary English teacher.
Now, how could I really let this love be pushed aside by work, school, friends, family, Jack (the puppy), dating, life, etc. This had to stop. So, over Spring Break, I began reading a novel for fun again. Gosh, I enjoyed it. To get to be someone else for a short period of time. To get to go on wild adventures. To get to experience a life so unlike my own. It was mesmerizing. In the past two weeks, I have read 3 new novels and today I am starting my 4th. Do I really have time for this? Short answer, no. However, I love it too much to not do it. So, I will stay awake a few extra hours each night because I have to discover more and find out what happens next. I'll wake up just a little earlier, reach over to my bedside table and pick up where I left off the night before. It is pure joy and love, and it's worth it.
-Tracey
Recent Reads:
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Something Borrowed by Emily Griffin
Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond - The Pioneer Woman
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Best Compliment I Have Ever Received :)
Thursday, in my 7th grade Language Arts class, my students were creating plot diagrams over a novel we had just finished reading. We had previously discussed the elements of a plot diagram and had used a short story we read as practice, then I set them off on their own. As I was walking around monitoring their work, I came upon two young gentlemen who were talking more than they were working (typical for these two boys). I calmly approached them, "Boys, can you focus on your plot diagrams, please?" I asked in my sweet-natured, teaching voice. I immediately get a response.
"But, Ms. Hodges, we are talking about a book!" one of the boys replied.
"Well, I think that is wonderful but is the book the one you are supposed to be completing a plot diagram over?" I replied, already knowing the answer.
"No." was the simple answer.
Now, usually at this point, the student will look down at his/her assignment and get back to work as I walk away and continue monitoring the other students. However, that is not what took place on this particular day.
"Ms. Hodges?" the boy continued. "Have you ever seen the movie 'Freedom Writer'?" he asked.
I replied that I had seen it and really liked it. He then asked me about the book it was based on, so I told him a little bit about the book and how it chronicles the lives of some students living in extreme situations. They are able to overcome their tough lives through the inspiration of writing brought to them by their teacher. The student seemed really interested, even asking me if we could read the book in class. (I had to tell him that the language and content was a little inappropriate for school, but that we might be able to read some chapters that were less controversial.) He said he had watched the movie because of an after-school ministry program. His mentor had told him that the movie showed how people could change even when they felt hopeless. I could see in his eyes that he felt a connection to the stories of these students and saw parallels to his own life. I felt proud of him for being able to see the connections. (I know he has been trying to make changes in his life as well.)
Then, he said something that will stay with me forever. In my short stint as a teacher, this is the second most significant success I have felt. (The first being the success written about in the blog about John.)
"Ms. Hodges, you remind me of her. You are always so nice and pleasant (yes, he said pleasant) to us and you really seem to care about our lives," he calmly said to me.
All I could say was "thank you" as I thought, "Wow, comparing me to Erin Gruwell. I'm not sure I deserve that." I smiled for the rest of the day as I told myself that this was God's way of telling me that I am, in fact, in the right place and I am doing something right.
-Tracey
"But, Ms. Hodges, we are talking about a book!" one of the boys replied.
"Well, I think that is wonderful but is the book the one you are supposed to be completing a plot diagram over?" I replied, already knowing the answer.
"No." was the simple answer.
Now, usually at this point, the student will look down at his/her assignment and get back to work as I walk away and continue monitoring the other students. However, that is not what took place on this particular day.
"Ms. Hodges?" the boy continued. "Have you ever seen the movie 'Freedom Writer'?" he asked.
I replied that I had seen it and really liked it. He then asked me about the book it was based on, so I told him a little bit about the book and how it chronicles the lives of some students living in extreme situations. They are able to overcome their tough lives through the inspiration of writing brought to them by their teacher. The student seemed really interested, even asking me if we could read the book in class. (I had to tell him that the language and content was a little inappropriate for school, but that we might be able to read some chapters that were less controversial.) He said he had watched the movie because of an after-school ministry program. His mentor had told him that the movie showed how people could change even when they felt hopeless. I could see in his eyes that he felt a connection to the stories of these students and saw parallels to his own life. I felt proud of him for being able to see the connections. (I know he has been trying to make changes in his life as well.)
Then, he said something that will stay with me forever. In my short stint as a teacher, this is the second most significant success I have felt. (The first being the success written about in the blog about John.)
"Ms. Hodges, you remind me of her. You are always so nice and pleasant (yes, he said pleasant) to us and you really seem to care about our lives," he calmly said to me.
All I could say was "thank you" as I thought, "Wow, comparing me to Erin Gruwell. I'm not sure I deserve that." I smiled for the rest of the day as I told myself that this was God's way of telling me that I am, in fact, in the right place and I am doing something right.
-Tracey
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Living with no fear...
Lately, I have been musing on what the Lord is teaching me in my single days about how to be in a relationship. I've come to the conclusion that while I have the curse of choosing guys that are less than upstanding citizens, I am partially to blame for the failures of relationships. While I want to be "relationship girl", I'm just not. I like my independence. I like my free time. I like being unattached. I really like not having to constantly worry about the needs and wants of another person. Yes, I am the mothering kind who likes to take care of others, but not a boyfriend. This is part of my "problem" in being 23 and completely single with no potentials. However, I have realized lately a second factor that is huge in making my relationships successes or failures. Something that has yet to be part of a romantic relationship I've been part of: no fear.
I am the kind of girl who will tell you like it is. Often, I speak without thinking, or think but choose to say what I want anyway. I'm blunt. I'm honest. Sometimes it gets me in trouble. Despite this, I have never been in a romantic relationship free of fear. In relationships with my family, I know I can say anything I want, do anything I want and they will still love me the same way. I can say mean, horrible things and get into fights with my mom or dad or sister, and I know our relationships will not be hindered. If anything, they will be stronger. With my best friends, it's the same thing. I can tell them anything, even if I know they won't like it, and they will still love and support me. There is nothing that can change this. However, this has never been part of a romantic relationship. I will know I've found the right guy when I can tell him absolutely anything, get mad at him or do anything and know that he will still love and care for me. Here's to hopeful searching on this front...
Now, I don't want this blog to be all about relationships...I feel as though this has been a recurring theme in my last few posts, and believe it or not, I actually have far more important and exciting things going on in my life. (Obviously, since I'm single.) :)
Earlier in the semester, with the job cuts and budget cuts to school districts, I was fearful. Fearful of whether or not my position would be cut. Fearful of whether or not I would be cut. Fearful of not being able to find a high school job, if that's what I decided I wanted. Fearful of not getting scholarships or loans to help pay for the doctorate. Fearful of everything.
Geez, I'm so silly! Notice what pronoun prevails in the statements above? "I". How selfish! While I am absorbed in my own selfish fears, God delivered. Last week, I had conversations with several professors about potential opportunities for grants, work study, loans, etc. to pay for school. Last night, I had a conversation with a gentleman about a potential job opportunity at a junior college in the summer. I've had many conversations with people about the prospects of my current job staying in tact and potential high school/coaching positions. God delivered and completely subdued my fears, even when I was so undeserving. All at once, I am again (as I always am) aware of the fact that I can do nothing without Him, and if I will just trust, He will take care of everything. (This includes my "men" problems.)
"For if my God is with me, whom than shall I fear? Whom than shall I fear? Oh, no, You never let go. Through the calm and through the storm. Oh, no, You never let go. In every high and every low. Oh, no, You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me."
-Tracey
I am the kind of girl who will tell you like it is. Often, I speak without thinking, or think but choose to say what I want anyway. I'm blunt. I'm honest. Sometimes it gets me in trouble. Despite this, I have never been in a romantic relationship free of fear. In relationships with my family, I know I can say anything I want, do anything I want and they will still love me the same way. I can say mean, horrible things and get into fights with my mom or dad or sister, and I know our relationships will not be hindered. If anything, they will be stronger. With my best friends, it's the same thing. I can tell them anything, even if I know they won't like it, and they will still love and support me. There is nothing that can change this. However, this has never been part of a romantic relationship. I will know I've found the right guy when I can tell him absolutely anything, get mad at him or do anything and know that he will still love and care for me. Here's to hopeful searching on this front...
Now, I don't want this blog to be all about relationships...I feel as though this has been a recurring theme in my last few posts, and believe it or not, I actually have far more important and exciting things going on in my life. (Obviously, since I'm single.) :)
Earlier in the semester, with the job cuts and budget cuts to school districts, I was fearful. Fearful of whether or not my position would be cut. Fearful of whether or not I would be cut. Fearful of not being able to find a high school job, if that's what I decided I wanted. Fearful of not getting scholarships or loans to help pay for the doctorate. Fearful of everything.
Geez, I'm so silly! Notice what pronoun prevails in the statements above? "I". How selfish! While I am absorbed in my own selfish fears, God delivered. Last week, I had conversations with several professors about potential opportunities for grants, work study, loans, etc. to pay for school. Last night, I had a conversation with a gentleman about a potential job opportunity at a junior college in the summer. I've had many conversations with people about the prospects of my current job staying in tact and potential high school/coaching positions. God delivered and completely subdued my fears, even when I was so undeserving. All at once, I am again (as I always am) aware of the fact that I can do nothing without Him, and if I will just trust, He will take care of everything. (This includes my "men" problems.)
"For if my God is with me, whom than shall I fear? Whom than shall I fear? Oh, no, You never let go. Through the calm and through the storm. Oh, no, You never let go. In every high and every low. Oh, no, You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me."
-Tracey
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Here's to you, Daddy: the last of a dying breed...
So, I have had this blog in my head for a very long time. I will preface by saying that I usually try to find the optimism in everything I write, but tonight, I just want to be pessimistic. Especially, on this topic.
This is something I say to my dad on a regular basis. Every time a man makes me feel unspecial or doesn't treat me the way I think is right, every time a relationship fails, every time I get annoyed at the fact that I have friends getting married (way too young)...I look him in the eyes and say, "Dad, you are the last of a dying breed". He completely understands the implications of what I am saying...guys just aren't like they used to be.
What do I mean? Simple. My father takes care of the women in his life and is a true provider and protector. He single-handedly takes care of my mom, sister, myself and his mother. Unconditionally. Without wanting anything in return. With being completely satisfied with my presence as all the thanks he needs. He constantly goes above and beyond for the women he loves.
To demonstrate, I will share a small story. One day last summer when I was preparing for my upcoming teaching position, I was sitting in the middle of the living room floor at my parent's house sorting school supplies I had acquired. I off-handedly mentioned that I should put labels on my pens and pencils that say "NOT MY PEN" so that the students wouldn't accidentally take them. I kept on with what I was doing. The next morning, I woke up and came into the kitchen. Sitting on the kitchen counter were printed labels that said "NOT MY PEN", cut out and laminated. :) What a sweetheart. Guys, this is the kind of thing that completely melts my heart every time. Every single time I go visit my parent's my dad makes me homemade cinnamon rolls from scratch because I love them so much, and he always fills my truck with gas. :)
He is unconditionally loving to my mom, his wife of 33 (soon-to-be-34) years. He is willing to do absolutely anything to make my mom, sister, grandmother and myself happy or to meet a need we have. Without complaint, he works more than any person I have ever seen. As I hope my story demonstrated, the one thing he does that means more to me than anything in the world is that he listens to what I say. He hears me tell him what I need or want and he always pulls through.
Now, I am not naive enough to believe that I could ever be lucky enough to find a man as great as my father to call my husband (in the distant future). However, it would be nice to meet a guy that is at least in the ballpark. I cannot even find a guy who is nice enough to take me out on a date, much less meet my emotional or physical needs. At this point in my life, I simply want someone who is nice to me and consistent. Someone who wants to see me and has the ability to not be a total jerk. That would be lovely.
So, the point of this blog is to answer a question: is the older generation of men (and I mean older as in my father's age) really the last of a dying breed? At least from my side of the story, the answer will have to wait (possibly for 10 or more years...or possibly never).
-Tracey
This is something I say to my dad on a regular basis. Every time a man makes me feel unspecial or doesn't treat me the way I think is right, every time a relationship fails, every time I get annoyed at the fact that I have friends getting married (way too young)...I look him in the eyes and say, "Dad, you are the last of a dying breed". He completely understands the implications of what I am saying...guys just aren't like they used to be.
What do I mean? Simple. My father takes care of the women in his life and is a true provider and protector. He single-handedly takes care of my mom, sister, myself and his mother. Unconditionally. Without wanting anything in return. With being completely satisfied with my presence as all the thanks he needs. He constantly goes above and beyond for the women he loves.
To demonstrate, I will share a small story. One day last summer when I was preparing for my upcoming teaching position, I was sitting in the middle of the living room floor at my parent's house sorting school supplies I had acquired. I off-handedly mentioned that I should put labels on my pens and pencils that say "NOT MY PEN" so that the students wouldn't accidentally take them. I kept on with what I was doing. The next morning, I woke up and came into the kitchen. Sitting on the kitchen counter were printed labels that said "NOT MY PEN", cut out and laminated. :) What a sweetheart. Guys, this is the kind of thing that completely melts my heart every time. Every single time I go visit my parent's my dad makes me homemade cinnamon rolls from scratch because I love them so much, and he always fills my truck with gas. :)
He is unconditionally loving to my mom, his wife of 33 (soon-to-be-34) years. He is willing to do absolutely anything to make my mom, sister, grandmother and myself happy or to meet a need we have. Without complaint, he works more than any person I have ever seen. As I hope my story demonstrated, the one thing he does that means more to me than anything in the world is that he listens to what I say. He hears me tell him what I need or want and he always pulls through.
Now, I am not naive enough to believe that I could ever be lucky enough to find a man as great as my father to call my husband (in the distant future). However, it would be nice to meet a guy that is at least in the ballpark. I cannot even find a guy who is nice enough to take me out on a date, much less meet my emotional or physical needs. At this point in my life, I simply want someone who is nice to me and consistent. Someone who wants to see me and has the ability to not be a total jerk. That would be lovely.
So, the point of this blog is to answer a question: is the older generation of men (and I mean older as in my father's age) really the last of a dying breed? At least from my side of the story, the answer will have to wait (possibly for 10 or more years...or possibly never).
-Tracey
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Dreams of Summer...
Summer vacation is officially less than 10 weeks away (69, but who's counting). I am so ready for a long break and could not be more excited about what this summer will bring. I have been dreaming about this summer for a few months now. So what does it bring?
1. First of all, this summer will bring a complete make-over for my house. I bought the house almost a year ago (I can't believe it!) and still haven't got it quite where I want it. I will not be renting out my spare bedrooms next year, so that space will be mine to do with what I want. This make-over will begin by adding fresh paint to every room. Secondly, I will be cleaning all of the carpets, bleaching every spare inch of space and getting every last particle of dirt out of there! This will take some time, as three girls and two dogs can accumulate quite a bit of dirt, but I'm ready for it. I love to clean and this will be like summer cleaning on steroids. Finally, I am reorganizing all of the space and buying new furniture for most of the rooms (thank you, tax return).
The living room will be getting a new tv and some new lamps along with an accent table for the front entryway (granted I can find one I like). Other than that, it is perfect just the way it is and I love it! The kitchen will be getting a new dining set that I am in love with and two bar stools for extra seating. The inside of every kitchen cabinet and the pantry are also going to go through major overhaul.
The front bedroom will be turned into my personal study/office. I am painting one wall maroon, and the others an off-white color. (Yes, this will also be my tribute to A&M. I figure three degrees later, it's time to be THAT Aggie.) I am buying new bookshelves (probably 3) for one wall of the room to put all of my novels and research books on. Right now, they are on two (falling apart) bookshelves in my room and in stacks all over the place. I am also getting a desk and a few fun study chairs to complete the space. The room will be decorated with all of my Aggie pictures and my degrees. I am really excited about how this room will look but more excited to have a designated place to go study, grade papers, plan lessons, etc.
The back bedroom of my house will be turned into a guest room. I am moving my current full-size bed, dresser, cedar chest and bedside table into that room, and basically calling it done. I might buy some pictures for the walls if I have money left over, but we will see. It will be nice to have a place for friends and family to stay when they come visit.
My bedroom will be getting a new bed, dresser and bedside table. :) Jack (the puppy) and I have decided we would prefer a bigger bed, so we are going for it. It should also be mentioned that all of the furniture in my bedroom is from the 70s, 80s and early 90s and NONE of it matches. :( It is all hand-me-down stuff from my parents (some of which was bought before my parents were even married...ancient times). So, I'm looking forward to having a matching set of furniture that shows my personality.
All-in-all, I am hoping this make-over will take me about two weeks to complete. I am excited to see the results and have a perfectly clean and neat house (if only for a few weeks). The rest of my summer will be spent playing, reading and doing a little traveling.
2. In June, my mom and I are going to New York City for a few days. This is kind of like a graduation gift from my family. I got to go to NYC for my undergrad graduation and now for the master's as well. I love it and would really enjoy living there in the near future. Possibly teach at NYU or Columbia? (Hey, I can dream can't I?) I am also planning to take my mom and sister to a Rangers/Astros game in June. My mom is a huge baseball fan and the Rangers have been her team since I can remember. I think this would be a fun outing for us girls and something we would really enjoy.
July and August are pretty open at this point. I am planning to go watch the Davies Cup in Austin in July. Roddick and Nadal are playing and I have never seen professional tennis played in person despite having played it and loved it for years. I'm pumped that two of my favorite players are coming so close and that I have the opportunity to see them in action. I plan to spend August gearing up to start the PhD and my second year of teaching...oh, and of course planning something fun for my birthday.
3. Other than all of that, I plan to play, go to a lot of sporting events, work out and hang out with my friends and family as much as possible. Jack and I are really going to work on his training and get him up to the level of obedience I want from him. I have also told myself that I am going to read a lot more in the summer. I want to read one teaching, research book and one novel per week (at least). I'm also going to spend a good amount of time in study of God's word and might even try an individual bible study for the summer.
Overall, 69 days cannot come soon enough. I am so excited for this summer and can't wait to enjoy the time off recuperating and doing things I love! :)
-Tracey
1. First of all, this summer will bring a complete make-over for my house. I bought the house almost a year ago (I can't believe it!) and still haven't got it quite where I want it. I will not be renting out my spare bedrooms next year, so that space will be mine to do with what I want. This make-over will begin by adding fresh paint to every room. Secondly, I will be cleaning all of the carpets, bleaching every spare inch of space and getting every last particle of dirt out of there! This will take some time, as three girls and two dogs can accumulate quite a bit of dirt, but I'm ready for it. I love to clean and this will be like summer cleaning on steroids. Finally, I am reorganizing all of the space and buying new furniture for most of the rooms (thank you, tax return).
The living room will be getting a new tv and some new lamps along with an accent table for the front entryway (granted I can find one I like). Other than that, it is perfect just the way it is and I love it! The kitchen will be getting a new dining set that I am in love with and two bar stools for extra seating. The inside of every kitchen cabinet and the pantry are also going to go through major overhaul.
The front bedroom will be turned into my personal study/office. I am painting one wall maroon, and the others an off-white color. (Yes, this will also be my tribute to A&M. I figure three degrees later, it's time to be THAT Aggie.) I am buying new bookshelves (probably 3) for one wall of the room to put all of my novels and research books on. Right now, they are on two (falling apart) bookshelves in my room and in stacks all over the place. I am also getting a desk and a few fun study chairs to complete the space. The room will be decorated with all of my Aggie pictures and my degrees. I am really excited about how this room will look but more excited to have a designated place to go study, grade papers, plan lessons, etc.
The back bedroom of my house will be turned into a guest room. I am moving my current full-size bed, dresser, cedar chest and bedside table into that room, and basically calling it done. I might buy some pictures for the walls if I have money left over, but we will see. It will be nice to have a place for friends and family to stay when they come visit.
My bedroom will be getting a new bed, dresser and bedside table. :) Jack (the puppy) and I have decided we would prefer a bigger bed, so we are going for it. It should also be mentioned that all of the furniture in my bedroom is from the 70s, 80s and early 90s and NONE of it matches. :( It is all hand-me-down stuff from my parents (some of which was bought before my parents were even married...ancient times). So, I'm looking forward to having a matching set of furniture that shows my personality.
All-in-all, I am hoping this make-over will take me about two weeks to complete. I am excited to see the results and have a perfectly clean and neat house (if only for a few weeks). The rest of my summer will be spent playing, reading and doing a little traveling.
2. In June, my mom and I are going to New York City for a few days. This is kind of like a graduation gift from my family. I got to go to NYC for my undergrad graduation and now for the master's as well. I love it and would really enjoy living there in the near future. Possibly teach at NYU or Columbia? (Hey, I can dream can't I?) I am also planning to take my mom and sister to a Rangers/Astros game in June. My mom is a huge baseball fan and the Rangers have been her team since I can remember. I think this would be a fun outing for us girls and something we would really enjoy.
July and August are pretty open at this point. I am planning to go watch the Davies Cup in Austin in July. Roddick and Nadal are playing and I have never seen professional tennis played in person despite having played it and loved it for years. I'm pumped that two of my favorite players are coming so close and that I have the opportunity to see them in action. I plan to spend August gearing up to start the PhD and my second year of teaching...oh, and of course planning something fun for my birthday.
3. Other than all of that, I plan to play, go to a lot of sporting events, work out and hang out with my friends and family as much as possible. Jack and I are really going to work on his training and get him up to the level of obedience I want from him. I have also told myself that I am going to read a lot more in the summer. I want to read one teaching, research book and one novel per week (at least). I'm also going to spend a good amount of time in study of God's word and might even try an individual bible study for the summer.
Overall, 69 days cannot come soon enough. I am so excited for this summer and can't wait to enjoy the time off recuperating and doing things I love! :)
-Tracey
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Unexpected...
This blog is going to revolve around the idea of unexpected occurrences, which have been dominating my life for the past month. Well, where to begin? I guess I will begin by saying that I suppose it is part of the game of life to realize and understand that unexpected things will happen quite frequently. Moreover, they will take us by surprise and shock us to our core, but while they may be wonderful and can even bring satisfaction and pleasure, they may not be lasting. Again, that is a trend in what I will write about here.
First of all, it is no shock to those who know me personally or simply learn about my personality through my writing, that I am jaded by relationships and do not have the highest regard for them. Sure, I believe they are wonderful and have the ability to be lasting and heartfelt, but my experiences have shown me that they are anything but this. True to form, as soon as I decide relationships aren't for me, I get surprised.
Earlier in March, we'll say, I met a man who changed some of my ideas about relationships. Let me tell you, this man took me by complete surprise. I had just ended a relationship and was completely anti-man, as usual. However, this guy came out of no where. I'm not really sure how things began, but I started hanging out with this man, only a few times, and talking to him via text and phone. I have never met someone that I instantly liked so much or someone that I was so interested in within such a short time period. Conversations were actually of substance and I found him incredibly attractive. To me, it seemed I had finally found someone I could be good friends with, and if he was interested, something more. To prove a point further, we had a quick conversation one night about last names. A little background: I have no intention of taking my future husband's last name when I get married because (unless something changes in the next 3 years) I will be a PhD (Dr.) and published author (dissertation and articles) before I am married. Therefore, I find it silly to change my name once my name is already out in my field. I fully plan to hyphenate my last name, though, to show we are joined in marriage. Now, this particular conversation was the first time someone was able to justify why I should take the man's last name. His reasoning made sense to me and I actually respected what he said. Besides that, we were able to discuss politics and education which are important topics to me, that few people can seriously talk about. Finally, he understands being busy and is as much of a work-a-holic as me. There are other things, but I won't go on. Like I said, in such a short period of time and spending such little time together, I have never been so interested in someone.
Now, while that in and of itself was unexpected, worse was when I tried to bring up the topic of expectations. You know, my bluntness. Where is this going? What do you see coming of this? I always have to know (it's the control-freak in me). Unfortunately, while he is a great man and the kind of man I'm looking for, he's not one to look for a relationship. Bummer. (Back to batting 1000 on that front.) He was completely into continuing to hang out and "casually" see each other, but not necessarily anything more. Hmm...
This brings me to some questions floating around in my head. Are my expectations too high? Am I too forward too quickly? Is a serious relationship and marriage really in my future? Should I be ok with casual dating? Is this all I should really ever expect? I'd love to say that after mulling over these questions for the past week, I have answers but that would be a lie. If anything, I'm more confused (and yes, slightly bitter) towards the entire topic.
Onto the next unexpected occurrence. I apologize for the vagueness of this one as well, but I have to be somewhat coy. I am trying to pursue my dreams and the beginnings of living the life I truly want. In order to do that, I have to meet small goals as I continue on to achieve the ultimate goal I have: to help reform education. There is one small goal, in particular, that I have been unable to accomplish as of yet and not because I haven't tried, but because the economy and society have prevented this from happening. I am amazed at the things I am willing to go through, the sacrifices I am willing to make and the pride I am willing to push aside to make sure this goal becomes a reality.
It is incredible to me the unexpected occurrences that have jolted my life lately. While they have been blessings in disguise, they are also challenges that I must adapt to and work through. I'm staying optimistic and telling myself I will use these challenges to build character and continue working towards being the kind of woman I am proud to be. God will take care of the rest, so I should have no worries.
Here's to unexpected occurrences. :)
-Tracey
First of all, it is no shock to those who know me personally or simply learn about my personality through my writing, that I am jaded by relationships and do not have the highest regard for them. Sure, I believe they are wonderful and have the ability to be lasting and heartfelt, but my experiences have shown me that they are anything but this. True to form, as soon as I decide relationships aren't for me, I get surprised.
Earlier in March, we'll say, I met a man who changed some of my ideas about relationships. Let me tell you, this man took me by complete surprise. I had just ended a relationship and was completely anti-man, as usual. However, this guy came out of no where. I'm not really sure how things began, but I started hanging out with this man, only a few times, and talking to him via text and phone. I have never met someone that I instantly liked so much or someone that I was so interested in within such a short time period. Conversations were actually of substance and I found him incredibly attractive. To me, it seemed I had finally found someone I could be good friends with, and if he was interested, something more. To prove a point further, we had a quick conversation one night about last names. A little background: I have no intention of taking my future husband's last name when I get married because (unless something changes in the next 3 years) I will be a PhD (Dr.) and published author (dissertation and articles) before I am married. Therefore, I find it silly to change my name once my name is already out in my field. I fully plan to hyphenate my last name, though, to show we are joined in marriage. Now, this particular conversation was the first time someone was able to justify why I should take the man's last name. His reasoning made sense to me and I actually respected what he said. Besides that, we were able to discuss politics and education which are important topics to me, that few people can seriously talk about. Finally, he understands being busy and is as much of a work-a-holic as me. There are other things, but I won't go on. Like I said, in such a short period of time and spending such little time together, I have never been so interested in someone.
Now, while that in and of itself was unexpected, worse was when I tried to bring up the topic of expectations. You know, my bluntness. Where is this going? What do you see coming of this? I always have to know (it's the control-freak in me). Unfortunately, while he is a great man and the kind of man I'm looking for, he's not one to look for a relationship. Bummer. (Back to batting 1000 on that front.) He was completely into continuing to hang out and "casually" see each other, but not necessarily anything more. Hmm...
This brings me to some questions floating around in my head. Are my expectations too high? Am I too forward too quickly? Is a serious relationship and marriage really in my future? Should I be ok with casual dating? Is this all I should really ever expect? I'd love to say that after mulling over these questions for the past week, I have answers but that would be a lie. If anything, I'm more confused (and yes, slightly bitter) towards the entire topic.
Onto the next unexpected occurrence. I apologize for the vagueness of this one as well, but I have to be somewhat coy. I am trying to pursue my dreams and the beginnings of living the life I truly want. In order to do that, I have to meet small goals as I continue on to achieve the ultimate goal I have: to help reform education. There is one small goal, in particular, that I have been unable to accomplish as of yet and not because I haven't tried, but because the economy and society have prevented this from happening. I am amazed at the things I am willing to go through, the sacrifices I am willing to make and the pride I am willing to push aside to make sure this goal becomes a reality.
It is incredible to me the unexpected occurrences that have jolted my life lately. While they have been blessings in disguise, they are also challenges that I must adapt to and work through. I'm staying optimistic and telling myself I will use these challenges to build character and continue working towards being the kind of woman I am proud to be. God will take care of the rest, so I should have no worries.
Here's to unexpected occurrences. :)
-Tracey
"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets"
and my heart is no exception. These secrets are leading me to do some crazy things these days. I have not changed, but I am making some changes that a younger, less-wise Tracey would not make. In the past few weeks, I have done two things I said I would never do. Neither thing was bad, just things that a younger version of myself would never have dreamed of doing. However, despite these facts, I am pleased with my decisions. For the first time, in a long time, I am following my dreams and hopes of a better future. I am choosing to be patient and ride out the storm to go for what I want.
This line from a song has been in my mind lately, "Take a chance and don't ever look back." It shows that I am taking risks and praying that they play out the way I want, or the way God deems best, in the end. :) Here's to happy hoping.
My "heart is a deep ocean of secrets" that are leading me to "take a chance and [never] look back."
-Tracey
This line from a song has been in my mind lately, "Take a chance and don't ever look back." It shows that I am taking risks and praying that they play out the way I want, or the way God deems best, in the end. :) Here's to happy hoping.
My "heart is a deep ocean of secrets" that are leading me to "take a chance and [never] look back."
-Tracey
Monday, March 21, 2011
Spring Break is such a tease!
So, after an incredible week of relaxing for the first time in over a year, it's back to school and work. Spring Break was such a tease about the joys summer will bring into my life. :) After this week, I feel refreshed, rejuvenated and re-inspired with a new sense of happiness that I haven't felt since the end of last summer. To say I've had a rough year is quite the understatement. I won't divulge, for once, in writing about my frustrations and tribulations, but I know the Lord has a plan and this is just another part of that plan. I feel assured that He will guide me where I am supposed to go and will make this year of struggle worth it in the end.
I have realized, once again, that I have so much to be thankful for and so many great things ahead of me. Last week, the greatest thing to ever happen in my short life happened. I received my official letter of acceptance into the PhD program, the one thing I have worked for my entire life. I knew the letter would eventually come, but I was surprised at the overwhelming feelings of emotion I felt as I read and reread that letter. I'll be honest, there were some happy tears followed by lots of phone calls and text messages. It was the validation that I am doing exactly what I was created to do and that all my hard work and years of sacrifice have paid off. The countless hours of studying and choosing to work and write papers rather than play and have fun have been worth it. :) I am so excited to begin my studies (or continue, actually) in the Fall. It's going to be an exciting ride.
Besides this wonderful occurrence, I have continued to build new friendships over the break and had the opportunity to deepen and build upon old friendships. I was reunited with my love of reading (not teen literature and not journal articles), and I got to spend hours at my parents' house riding the four-wheeler around our property. Multiple walks per day were taken with Jack and I really had a chance to work on his training for the first time in a while.
Now, more than ever, I am ready for summertime and the joys it will bring. I have yet to decide if I will take classes this summer or allow myself to enjoy my first summer off. My mom and I are planning a trip to New York City (a dream come true, again), so planning for that is occupying much of my free time now. Like I said, I have a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to. Until summer, here's praying for patience and strength to make it through the last few months of this semester.
Master's Graduation: 54 days
Summer Vacation Begins: 75 days
Trip to NYC: 90 days
-Tracey :)
I have realized, once again, that I have so much to be thankful for and so many great things ahead of me. Last week, the greatest thing to ever happen in my short life happened. I received my official letter of acceptance into the PhD program, the one thing I have worked for my entire life. I knew the letter would eventually come, but I was surprised at the overwhelming feelings of emotion I felt as I read and reread that letter. I'll be honest, there were some happy tears followed by lots of phone calls and text messages. It was the validation that I am doing exactly what I was created to do and that all my hard work and years of sacrifice have paid off. The countless hours of studying and choosing to work and write papers rather than play and have fun have been worth it. :) I am so excited to begin my studies (or continue, actually) in the Fall. It's going to be an exciting ride.
Besides this wonderful occurrence, I have continued to build new friendships over the break and had the opportunity to deepen and build upon old friendships. I was reunited with my love of reading (not teen literature and not journal articles), and I got to spend hours at my parents' house riding the four-wheeler around our property. Multiple walks per day were taken with Jack and I really had a chance to work on his training for the first time in a while.
Now, more than ever, I am ready for summertime and the joys it will bring. I have yet to decide if I will take classes this summer or allow myself to enjoy my first summer off. My mom and I are planning a trip to New York City (a dream come true, again), so planning for that is occupying much of my free time now. Like I said, I have a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to. Until summer, here's praying for patience and strength to make it through the last few months of this semester.
Master's Graduation: 54 days
Summer Vacation Begins: 75 days
Trip to NYC: 90 days
-Tracey :)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thinking Ahead
I have had the most incredible Spring Break. :) I can't explain the feeling of being rejuvenated, refreshed and re-inspired that I am feeling towards the end of this break. Now, I can't completely explain where this feeling is coming from. Maybe it was the time away from work, maybe it was spending time with family and friends, maybe it was having extra time to enjoy my favorite things. Anyway, whatever the reason, I am truly grateful to be feeling so happy again. It has been far too long since I've felt so good. :)
That being said, while I am feeling this incredible, I am also somewhat bored. Anyone who knows me can testify that I can do everything...except relax. When I stop and relax, I think and think and think...usually getting me into some kind of trouble. It is a well-known fact that I tend to think too much and over-analyze everything. So, at the end of this break, I have been thinking about life. What do I hope to accomplish in the next 5 years? Where will I be? Who will be with me?
Here are the answers I have come up with:
1. I WILL be finished with school. Graduated. Done. As far as I can see, I'm 3 years away.
2. I have NO clue where I will be living.
3. I have NO clue who will be with me.
4. I'd love to be married or have a family by then, but at this rate, I'm batting zero.
5. I don't have many answers...
The control-freak inside of me wants to be worried about the fact that I don't know much about what the next 5 years hold for my life except that they include finishing the very long journey of school. However, a new-found peace-maker side of me says "It's ok. Trust God." So, that is what I am trying my best to do. Amongst the changes of life, I am trying to stay calm. I am watching friends have babies, get married, move away, pursue new jobs, etc...yet I am staying right where I am, working and learning, and loving most of it.
For the number one on my list, school, I know that I have the ambition and drive to make it happen, while God has placed every possible resource at my fingertips to ensure that I am successful. As far as where I will be living, God hasn't let me down yet in providing for me a place to live. I have no doubts that He will continue to do this in the future, no matter where I am. He will lead me to wherever I am needed to live His calling. When it comes to who will be with me, God has placed incredible people in my life and brings new people into my life all the time. I have never once been without friends, family, mentors and people who care about me. I know He will continue to bring special people into my life to help me along my journey. Finally, when it comes to marriage and children. Besides being a great teacher and making changes in the public education system, it is my greatest ambition to be a mother. I get to play the "mom" role in my group of friends and try to take care of people as well as I can, plus I have my little puppy to take care of. For now, this will have to do. When the moment is right, God will introduce me to the man He created just for me, then I'll have the opportunity to be a mother. I have no doubts.
I'm not sure if it is part of growing up, or something inside of me changing, but I have felt a renewed sense of peace in my heart. I don't worry about things nearly as much as I used to and I feel very at ease with people around me. I feel myself becoming more trusting, not only in the Lord but in mankind as a whole. I'm going to give the credit for this to "growing up". :)
Here's to a hopeful future.
-Tracey
That being said, while I am feeling this incredible, I am also somewhat bored. Anyone who knows me can testify that I can do everything...except relax. When I stop and relax, I think and think and think...usually getting me into some kind of trouble. It is a well-known fact that I tend to think too much and over-analyze everything. So, at the end of this break, I have been thinking about life. What do I hope to accomplish in the next 5 years? Where will I be? Who will be with me?
Here are the answers I have come up with:
1. I WILL be finished with school. Graduated. Done. As far as I can see, I'm 3 years away.
2. I have NO clue where I will be living.
3. I have NO clue who will be with me.
4. I'd love to be married or have a family by then, but at this rate, I'm batting zero.
5. I don't have many answers...
The control-freak inside of me wants to be worried about the fact that I don't know much about what the next 5 years hold for my life except that they include finishing the very long journey of school. However, a new-found peace-maker side of me says "It's ok. Trust God." So, that is what I am trying my best to do. Amongst the changes of life, I am trying to stay calm. I am watching friends have babies, get married, move away, pursue new jobs, etc...yet I am staying right where I am, working and learning, and loving most of it.
For the number one on my list, school, I know that I have the ambition and drive to make it happen, while God has placed every possible resource at my fingertips to ensure that I am successful. As far as where I will be living, God hasn't let me down yet in providing for me a place to live. I have no doubts that He will continue to do this in the future, no matter where I am. He will lead me to wherever I am needed to live His calling. When it comes to who will be with me, God has placed incredible people in my life and brings new people into my life all the time. I have never once been without friends, family, mentors and people who care about me. I know He will continue to bring special people into my life to help me along my journey. Finally, when it comes to marriage and children. Besides being a great teacher and making changes in the public education system, it is my greatest ambition to be a mother. I get to play the "mom" role in my group of friends and try to take care of people as well as I can, plus I have my little puppy to take care of. For now, this will have to do. When the moment is right, God will introduce me to the man He created just for me, then I'll have the opportunity to be a mother. I have no doubts.
I'm not sure if it is part of growing up, or something inside of me changing, but I have felt a renewed sense of peace in my heart. I don't worry about things nearly as much as I used to and I feel very at ease with people around me. I feel myself becoming more trusting, not only in the Lord but in mankind as a whole. I'm going to give the credit for this to "growing up". :)
Here's to a hopeful future.
-Tracey
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Inspiration in a Pessimistic World
Today, I got the opportunity to watch some good, quality television. I feel like I have to add the "good, quality" comment because honestly, I find much of what I watch on television to be uninspiring and cynical. Let me begin...
My favorite show, up until this semester, has been Glee. I first fell in love with it when the pilot episode included a stunning performance of my all time favorite song "Don't Stop Believin'". The finale of that season included a Journey medley that had my heart dancing. I fell in love with some great characters and good, wholesome comedy with a few crude comments in between. It seemed that Glee was made just for me and someone had somehow tapped into my brain to combine all things Tracey into one show. Now, I did say it was my favorite up until this semester. This semester, I feel like they have completely redefined and changed many of the characters. Additionally, the plot has begun introducing some heavy topic, in not so quite a classy way. Glee was good at dealing with tough issues before and in a tasteful manner, but now, they've fallen off the boat. I have begun wondering if the show hired new writers who hadn't watched the show before. A few weeks ago the show was all about drinking and the characters spent most of the show being drunk. This past week, the show was all about sex, of every kind, and the characters spent the majority of the show being obsessed with sex.
These new developments on a show that I truly enjoyed have left me saddened at the future of television. It's hard to find decent shows on TV that aren't plagued by drugs, sex, violence, etc. These topics permeate Primetime television. In addition, the news is not exactly known for it's optimism of the world. Many news broadcasts show the same kinds of things further adding to the pessimism of modern society.
However, today, I finally had time to watch shows I've recorded on my DVR and was pleasantly surprised, touched and emotionally moved by a show I randomly decided to record: The Secret Millionaire. Never have I been so touched by reality TV. I spent most of the show crying my eyes out, laughing and praising God for bringing this into my home. See, I am passionate about giving back to the community and have spent many years of my life participating in community service and watching how it helps people in need. I am surrounded on a daily basis by people living in poverty who deserve to have community members supporting and helping them. This is the reason this show hit home so hard for me. This show documents a millionaire who lives for one week in a poverty-ridden area while trying to discover what kinds of people are doing good in the community. At the end of that show, the millionaire gives deserving people and organizations money to help further their causes. On this particular episode, the millionaire gave money to a music organization that gives free music lessons to children, a soup kitchen that serves over 2000 meals a week, an organization that remodels bedrooms for terminally ill children and a family with a five-year-old daughter suffering from leukemia. I was so touched by the show and absolutely loved seeing Primetime TV show positive, good things that are happening in our world.
Today, I have been reminded of how potent God is in society. Despite the pessimism and suffering that happen in our world and are most often the focus of our lives, God is among us and is doing great things. I praise Him for that reminder. As always, when I am in doubt, He delivers my answers. I'm truly blessed to be able to have the luxury and privilege of discovering this truth daily. :)
God has proven to give me answers to questions in many other ways this week by bringing new friendships, opportunities and examples of His grace and mercy to the forefront of my mind. Why He spends so much time and effort on me is incomprehensible to me, but I am forever thankful and will live to glorify Him.
Philippians 4:6-7
-Tracey
My favorite show, up until this semester, has been Glee. I first fell in love with it when the pilot episode included a stunning performance of my all time favorite song "Don't Stop Believin'". The finale of that season included a Journey medley that had my heart dancing. I fell in love with some great characters and good, wholesome comedy with a few crude comments in between. It seemed that Glee was made just for me and someone had somehow tapped into my brain to combine all things Tracey into one show. Now, I did say it was my favorite up until this semester. This semester, I feel like they have completely redefined and changed many of the characters. Additionally, the plot has begun introducing some heavy topic, in not so quite a classy way. Glee was good at dealing with tough issues before and in a tasteful manner, but now, they've fallen off the boat. I have begun wondering if the show hired new writers who hadn't watched the show before. A few weeks ago the show was all about drinking and the characters spent most of the show being drunk. This past week, the show was all about sex, of every kind, and the characters spent the majority of the show being obsessed with sex.
These new developments on a show that I truly enjoyed have left me saddened at the future of television. It's hard to find decent shows on TV that aren't plagued by drugs, sex, violence, etc. These topics permeate Primetime television. In addition, the news is not exactly known for it's optimism of the world. Many news broadcasts show the same kinds of things further adding to the pessimism of modern society.
However, today, I finally had time to watch shows I've recorded on my DVR and was pleasantly surprised, touched and emotionally moved by a show I randomly decided to record: The Secret Millionaire. Never have I been so touched by reality TV. I spent most of the show crying my eyes out, laughing and praising God for bringing this into my home. See, I am passionate about giving back to the community and have spent many years of my life participating in community service and watching how it helps people in need. I am surrounded on a daily basis by people living in poverty who deserve to have community members supporting and helping them. This is the reason this show hit home so hard for me. This show documents a millionaire who lives for one week in a poverty-ridden area while trying to discover what kinds of people are doing good in the community. At the end of that show, the millionaire gives deserving people and organizations money to help further their causes. On this particular episode, the millionaire gave money to a music organization that gives free music lessons to children, a soup kitchen that serves over 2000 meals a week, an organization that remodels bedrooms for terminally ill children and a family with a five-year-old daughter suffering from leukemia. I was so touched by the show and absolutely loved seeing Primetime TV show positive, good things that are happening in our world.
Today, I have been reminded of how potent God is in society. Despite the pessimism and suffering that happen in our world and are most often the focus of our lives, God is among us and is doing great things. I praise Him for that reminder. As always, when I am in doubt, He delivers my answers. I'm truly blessed to be able to have the luxury and privilege of discovering this truth daily. :)
God has proven to give me answers to questions in many other ways this week by bringing new friendships, opportunities and examples of His grace and mercy to the forefront of my mind. Why He spends so much time and effort on me is incomprehensible to me, but I am forever thankful and will live to glorify Him.
Philippians 4:6-7
-Tracey
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Choices
Every morning, I wake up and have a choice to make. I can choose to be stressed about work, unhappy about that stress and moody with my friends and family, or I can choose to put a smile on my face, rest assured that God will take care of all my problems and enjoy the day. Time for a confession: lately, I have not been doing the latter of these two options. Instead, I have been selfish, and somewhat bratty, to the people I love. Sure, I'm stressed. Sure, there isn't much I can do to change it. Oh, except there is. There are many things I can do to change my stress and attitude.
1. Above all else, KNOW and TRUST that God has my back. He has never failed me, in my most cherished times and my lowest points, so why do I doubt that he has me now? He is there for me and has a plan for everything. If I am feeling stressed or beaten down by things, it is because I am not allowing Him to be in control. This is my eternal fault. I am a control-freak and think my ideas and plans are better than the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). My goal for the next few weeks, and beyond, is to really focus on letting Him take the lead. Every time I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I want to stop and focus on Him and put things into His hands. It will be much easier on me and will lead to better outcomes.
2. Secondly, I can choose to wake up each morning and be happy. Even if things aren't EXACTLY the way I want them to be, I have more than I deserve and should be over-the-moon excited about those blessings each and every day. As a reminder to myself, I'm going to list the reasons why I should be grateful and joyous every day instead of moody and pouty.
A. Family and friends who love and support me
B. A job that keeps me out of financial stress
C. A job that affects the lives of others in a positive way
D. Co-workers who go out of their way to support and help me grow as a teacher
E. The ability to pursue a higher education
F. Mentors and classmates who go above and beyond to make sure I accomplish my goals
G. A puppy to play with, train and snuggle with after rough days
H. Free time to enjoy all forms of entertainment (reading, sports, Wii, movies, etc.)
I. A home to keep me sheltered
J. Food anytime I want
K. Savings to fall back on
L. A Lord that blesses me with more than I could ever deserve
M. I'm going to stop there, but I could continue...
All in all, I have acted selfishly and taken my stress out on those I love and care about most when all they have tried to do is be there for me. This serves as an apology coupled with a realization that I must actively make the choice every day to be happy, successful and stress-free. "If you want to be happy, be." I do and I will.
-Tracey
1. Above all else, KNOW and TRUST that God has my back. He has never failed me, in my most cherished times and my lowest points, so why do I doubt that he has me now? He is there for me and has a plan for everything. If I am feeling stressed or beaten down by things, it is because I am not allowing Him to be in control. This is my eternal fault. I am a control-freak and think my ideas and plans are better than the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). My goal for the next few weeks, and beyond, is to really focus on letting Him take the lead. Every time I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I want to stop and focus on Him and put things into His hands. It will be much easier on me and will lead to better outcomes.
2. Secondly, I can choose to wake up each morning and be happy. Even if things aren't EXACTLY the way I want them to be, I have more than I deserve and should be over-the-moon excited about those blessings each and every day. As a reminder to myself, I'm going to list the reasons why I should be grateful and joyous every day instead of moody and pouty.
A. Family and friends who love and support me
B. A job that keeps me out of financial stress
C. A job that affects the lives of others in a positive way
D. Co-workers who go out of their way to support and help me grow as a teacher
E. The ability to pursue a higher education
F. Mentors and classmates who go above and beyond to make sure I accomplish my goals
G. A puppy to play with, train and snuggle with after rough days
H. Free time to enjoy all forms of entertainment (reading, sports, Wii, movies, etc.)
I. A home to keep me sheltered
J. Food anytime I want
K. Savings to fall back on
L. A Lord that blesses me with more than I could ever deserve
M. I'm going to stop there, but I could continue...
All in all, I have acted selfishly and taken my stress out on those I love and care about most when all they have tried to do is be there for me. This serves as an apology coupled with a realization that I must actively make the choice every day to be happy, successful and stress-free. "If you want to be happy, be." I do and I will.
-Tracey
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Realization: A Perpetual Broken Heart
In the past few weeks, a realization has blossomed in my mind. I want to preface this by saying that this is not intended to be a pity-party sounding post but more of a stream of consciousness on a topic close to my heart. Additionally, I must give some background information for this realization to make sense to the outside on-looker.
First of all, when I was a little girl, I used to imagine what I would be like as an adult and what my love life would be like. I used to imagine that I would have three or four boyfriends then meet "the one", fall in love and get married. Now, I completely believe I am too young to get married, but that doesn't mean I don't think about what it might be like. Furthermore, I work all day, then go to class at night and when I come home, I wish someone were there to take care of me.
Now, my realization is that I will not be getting married for a very long time. I feel like if I were more normal, and not such a workaholic, this might be different. Unlike the dreams of when I was a little girl, I have not had three or four boyfriends. I've had more like eight or nine...I'm quickly approaching double digits. Definitely not what I expected. While each relationship has been unique and has taught me different things, each has also been disappointing. Ask any of the guys I've dated, and I'm fairly certain they will tell you what they told me, the same classic lines..."you're incredible", "I can't keep up", "you deserve a man who is as driven as you"...yadda yadda ya. Sure, I believe these things, but I'm also disappointed when I hear things like this.
I digress...back to it. I believe if I did not have such a deep-rooted passion for education and education reform, I would easily find a husband. However, that is not the case. I plan to get a PhD in the next few years, then spend years doing research and finally go into politics so I really can be part of education reform. Despite these wonderful ambitions, I have yet to find a man that supports me in these endeavors. Moreover, I will graduate in 2014 and have no idea where I will end up. I also have yet to find a man that is ok with this arrangement. Unfortunately, what I have found is that we still live in a society where the woman is expected to follow the man around but when asked to reverse the roles, it is not accepted.
Therefore, this brings me back to my original statement, I will not be getting married for a very long time, if ever. I completely feel like I have to choose: achieving my goals or having a husband and children. At least I have Jack. :)
Let's just say, I'm unconventional.
Tracey
First of all, when I was a little girl, I used to imagine what I would be like as an adult and what my love life would be like. I used to imagine that I would have three or four boyfriends then meet "the one", fall in love and get married. Now, I completely believe I am too young to get married, but that doesn't mean I don't think about what it might be like. Furthermore, I work all day, then go to class at night and when I come home, I wish someone were there to take care of me.
Now, my realization is that I will not be getting married for a very long time. I feel like if I were more normal, and not such a workaholic, this might be different. Unlike the dreams of when I was a little girl, I have not had three or four boyfriends. I've had more like eight or nine...I'm quickly approaching double digits. Definitely not what I expected. While each relationship has been unique and has taught me different things, each has also been disappointing. Ask any of the guys I've dated, and I'm fairly certain they will tell you what they told me, the same classic lines..."you're incredible", "I can't keep up", "you deserve a man who is as driven as you"...yadda yadda ya. Sure, I believe these things, but I'm also disappointed when I hear things like this.
I digress...back to it. I believe if I did not have such a deep-rooted passion for education and education reform, I would easily find a husband. However, that is not the case. I plan to get a PhD in the next few years, then spend years doing research and finally go into politics so I really can be part of education reform. Despite these wonderful ambitions, I have yet to find a man that supports me in these endeavors. Moreover, I will graduate in 2014 and have no idea where I will end up. I also have yet to find a man that is ok with this arrangement. Unfortunately, what I have found is that we still live in a society where the woman is expected to follow the man around but when asked to reverse the roles, it is not accepted.
Therefore, this brings me back to my original statement, I will not be getting married for a very long time, if ever. I completely feel like I have to choose: achieving my goals or having a husband and children. At least I have Jack. :)
Let's just say, I'm unconventional.
Tracey
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Treading Water
All throughout this school year, I have used the term "drowning" to describe how I feel. For the first time, and arguably the busiest time in the year, I feel like I am treading water. This by no means implies that things have gotten easier or slowed down; however, it does mean, I am exhausted but working hard and keeping myself afloat.
My students (and myself) are officially less than a week away from their big test. I am not nearly as freaked out as I was this time last week, last month or last semester. I still feel nervous, but I am hopeful that I have prepared my students to the best of my ability and they will do great things when the time comes. No matter what, I have done what I can. Now, it's up to them. :)
As far as grad school is concerned, I have my final exams for my master's in a few weeks and have been trying to prepare for them. They are giving me a good taste of what it will be like when I get my PhD. I am having to do extra research to familiarize myself with concepts that weren't explicitly taught in my classes. Additionally, I am going back and reviewing old information from my past classes. I have not studied quite this much for anything in years, so it is a good change for me. I am enjoying the information and just hope I can remember it all when the time comes.
In addition to my exams, I am busy with assignments, projects and tutoring. It is a lot! Like I said, I'm treading water to stay afloat. I am working every night prepping lessons, writing papers or doing research. But, anyone who knows me knows I am determined and that I thrive in this environment.
Besides school and work, I have been training Jack in his advanced "puppy" class. He is learning how to stay with distractions, walk through a crowd and interact with other dogs. He has completed the first 9 steps of the Canine Good Citizen exam but fails miserably at supervised separation (it's nice to be loved so much!). I can't be disappointed. He is still very little but doing great. :) He will graduate this weekend from his third training class. What a great little puppy!
I have also reconnected with my Wii in the form of Glee Karaoke. Judge away, but it is fun! Lately, I have had the urge to run. I really want to get back into my running routine but just haven't found the time. I'm hoping I can change that soon. I might go for a run tonight because I am craving it so badly. I think this is my body's way of telling me I need to take a break and start focusing on myself a little more.
In other words, my family and friends are doing well. Everyone (for the most part) is healthy and thriving. I couldn't ask for better support or more wonderful people to take care of me on rough days. They truly are my rocks and inspiration to keep "treading" along. The boyfriend, like all the others, has come and past. I'm learning that finding a good, strong man in today's world is going to be one of my greatest challenges in life. So, for now, I'm just going to stick to what I know and what I can control. In my opinion, I'm fine for now on my own and I have Jack to come home to and snuggle with every night. He's really all I need.
All in all, I'm loving and living life to the best of my ability. I know some days are tough, but things always work out and get better with patience and perseverance. I'm blessed beyond belief and know that I am fulfilling God's plans for me.
-Tracey
My students (and myself) are officially less than a week away from their big test. I am not nearly as freaked out as I was this time last week, last month or last semester. I still feel nervous, but I am hopeful that I have prepared my students to the best of my ability and they will do great things when the time comes. No matter what, I have done what I can. Now, it's up to them. :)
As far as grad school is concerned, I have my final exams for my master's in a few weeks and have been trying to prepare for them. They are giving me a good taste of what it will be like when I get my PhD. I am having to do extra research to familiarize myself with concepts that weren't explicitly taught in my classes. Additionally, I am going back and reviewing old information from my past classes. I have not studied quite this much for anything in years, so it is a good change for me. I am enjoying the information and just hope I can remember it all when the time comes.
In addition to my exams, I am busy with assignments, projects and tutoring. It is a lot! Like I said, I'm treading water to stay afloat. I am working every night prepping lessons, writing papers or doing research. But, anyone who knows me knows I am determined and that I thrive in this environment.
Besides school and work, I have been training Jack in his advanced "puppy" class. He is learning how to stay with distractions, walk through a crowd and interact with other dogs. He has completed the first 9 steps of the Canine Good Citizen exam but fails miserably at supervised separation (it's nice to be loved so much!). I can't be disappointed. He is still very little but doing great. :) He will graduate this weekend from his third training class. What a great little puppy!
I have also reconnected with my Wii in the form of Glee Karaoke. Judge away, but it is fun! Lately, I have had the urge to run. I really want to get back into my running routine but just haven't found the time. I'm hoping I can change that soon. I might go for a run tonight because I am craving it so badly. I think this is my body's way of telling me I need to take a break and start focusing on myself a little more.
In other words, my family and friends are doing well. Everyone (for the most part) is healthy and thriving. I couldn't ask for better support or more wonderful people to take care of me on rough days. They truly are my rocks and inspiration to keep "treading" along. The boyfriend, like all the others, has come and past. I'm learning that finding a good, strong man in today's world is going to be one of my greatest challenges in life. So, for now, I'm just going to stick to what I know and what I can control. In my opinion, I'm fine for now on my own and I have Jack to come home to and snuggle with every night. He's really all I need.
All in all, I'm loving and living life to the best of my ability. I know some days are tough, but things always work out and get better with patience and perseverance. I'm blessed beyond belief and know that I am fulfilling God's plans for me.
-Tracey
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
First-Year Success
I am a first-year teacher and I cannot begin to describe the challenges and obstacles I have faced. I have grown more as a person in the past four months than I can remember growing during the past 23 years of life. I have changed and become more like the woman and person I want to be in the future. I owe much of this change to a group of very special 7th graders. They are a daily struggle for me and their battles weigh heavily on my mind at all times. I carry them with me to my grad classes, to church and home to the people I love every night. These kids have become as much a part of me as myself. Their struggles are my struggles and I want nothing but the best for them. I pray each night that they can find some comfort and peace in the craziness of their existences.
To say that I experienced a culture-shock my first semester of teaching is an understatement. I was transformed by the culture-shock I dove into. Not only did I experience and new culture and world of challenges, I learned what it is like to be a parent. All of a sudden, I became a mother to 65 13-year-old kids. This shock had such a profound effect on me that I spent most of my first semester of teaching crying and being stressed about what I was trying to accomplish. I wanted my students to be successful and most days simply felt like a brief battle in a war in which I was not the victor. I felt like I had no chance of succeeding and that I would be another disappointment and failure to the students I had so quickly grown to love. As the semester progressed, however, I realized how quickly I fell in love with each of my students and knew that if I put enough time and effort into my teaching, we could all win this war. I never knew so many unique individuals could capture my thoughts and and preoccupy my spare time. I didn't mind that I was working non-stop and constantly thinking about them and how I could help them be successful. Come to think of it, those things have not changed and if anything, have become more potent in this second semester.
During the fall, I had one student in particular who challenged me. This dear sweet boy, who we shall call John, was special. Not only did he come with a hoard of home-life issues, he was obviously ADD/ADHD with no medication, could not see very well without glasses which he could not afford and desired to consume all of my time and energy. He was a major discipline problem. His discipline management was so severe that I had to escort him to the principal's office numerous time, write countless referrals on his behalf and break up several fights between he and other students. I was certain this child had to hate me. I had never and have yet to yell at or discipline a student as much as I had to yell at and discipline him. Finally, around Thanksgiving, this darling child was removed from my class after continued problems, failing my class two 6-weeks in a row and damaging many items in my classroom. Now, I don't want it to seem like I didn't try several approaches. I bribed this kid with behavior charts, reinforcement and rewards and many after-school hours of tutoring. He just would not allow himself to be successful in my class. He scored very well on his benchmark tests, and I had come up with the theory that he would do better in a shorter, more challenging class (pre-ap). After speaking (and crying) with the principal about this, the switch was made.
I thought I wouldn't see this student again except for the occasional pass in the hallway. I have seen this child almost every day since. He comes to me after school repeatedly for help with assignments (that he would not do in my class) and come to talk to me between passing periods on a daily basis. The Monday after the big switch was made, John came to me. He said, "Ms. Hodges, I think I'm going to like pre-ap. I like to be challenged." I looked at him and said, "Ok, then...let's make a challenge." I asked him if he would like a reward from me if he would pass his ELA class next 6-weeks (remember, he failed the previous two). He said he was up for the challenge and we decided on an acceptable prize. It had to be something wonderful and worth his effort...after all, he would have to work extremely hard for the next 5 weeks to pass English.
A few days ago, John comes to me during the class day. "Ms. Hodges, it's time to pay up," he says as he stands with his hands in the pockets of his red hooded-sweatshirt. "Pay up?" I ask, "For what?" (I had forgotten about the deal we had made in the chaos of Christmas break.) "Our deal, Ms. Hodges. You said if I passed ELA, you would give me a prize." He announced, his chest puffed out with pride. "Of course, John. Well, you know the rules...you have to show me your report card." I answered. The next moment will stay with me for a very long time as it is one of the proudest moments of my short teaching career thus far. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "Ms. Hodges, I got an 80 in pre-ap." I could hear the pride in his voice and felt so ecstatic for the one child I felt I had failed most the first semester. I hadn't failed him at all...he just needed a different class style. He was bored and needed help in ways that a shorter, more challenging class could offer.
And, don't think I've forgotten...I'm certain you are curious as to what prize could be so magnificent that it would inspire a young man to go from failing to above average in a significantly more challenging class within a 5-week period...a Little Debbie Starcrunch. :)
Reason #1 that I love my job: Student success.
-Tracey
To say that I experienced a culture-shock my first semester of teaching is an understatement. I was transformed by the culture-shock I dove into. Not only did I experience and new culture and world of challenges, I learned what it is like to be a parent. All of a sudden, I became a mother to 65 13-year-old kids. This shock had such a profound effect on me that I spent most of my first semester of teaching crying and being stressed about what I was trying to accomplish. I wanted my students to be successful and most days simply felt like a brief battle in a war in which I was not the victor. I felt like I had no chance of succeeding and that I would be another disappointment and failure to the students I had so quickly grown to love. As the semester progressed, however, I realized how quickly I fell in love with each of my students and knew that if I put enough time and effort into my teaching, we could all win this war. I never knew so many unique individuals could capture my thoughts and and preoccupy my spare time. I didn't mind that I was working non-stop and constantly thinking about them and how I could help them be successful. Come to think of it, those things have not changed and if anything, have become more potent in this second semester.
During the fall, I had one student in particular who challenged me. This dear sweet boy, who we shall call John, was special. Not only did he come with a hoard of home-life issues, he was obviously ADD/ADHD with no medication, could not see very well without glasses which he could not afford and desired to consume all of my time and energy. He was a major discipline problem. His discipline management was so severe that I had to escort him to the principal's office numerous time, write countless referrals on his behalf and break up several fights between he and other students. I was certain this child had to hate me. I had never and have yet to yell at or discipline a student as much as I had to yell at and discipline him. Finally, around Thanksgiving, this darling child was removed from my class after continued problems, failing my class two 6-weeks in a row and damaging many items in my classroom. Now, I don't want it to seem like I didn't try several approaches. I bribed this kid with behavior charts, reinforcement and rewards and many after-school hours of tutoring. He just would not allow himself to be successful in my class. He scored very well on his benchmark tests, and I had come up with the theory that he would do better in a shorter, more challenging class (pre-ap). After speaking (and crying) with the principal about this, the switch was made.
I thought I wouldn't see this student again except for the occasional pass in the hallway. I have seen this child almost every day since. He comes to me after school repeatedly for help with assignments (that he would not do in my class) and come to talk to me between passing periods on a daily basis. The Monday after the big switch was made, John came to me. He said, "Ms. Hodges, I think I'm going to like pre-ap. I like to be challenged." I looked at him and said, "Ok, then...let's make a challenge." I asked him if he would like a reward from me if he would pass his ELA class next 6-weeks (remember, he failed the previous two). He said he was up for the challenge and we decided on an acceptable prize. It had to be something wonderful and worth his effort...after all, he would have to work extremely hard for the next 5 weeks to pass English.
A few days ago, John comes to me during the class day. "Ms. Hodges, it's time to pay up," he says as he stands with his hands in the pockets of his red hooded-sweatshirt. "Pay up?" I ask, "For what?" (I had forgotten about the deal we had made in the chaos of Christmas break.) "Our deal, Ms. Hodges. You said if I passed ELA, you would give me a prize." He announced, his chest puffed out with pride. "Of course, John. Well, you know the rules...you have to show me your report card." I answered. The next moment will stay with me for a very long time as it is one of the proudest moments of my short teaching career thus far. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "Ms. Hodges, I got an 80 in pre-ap." I could hear the pride in his voice and felt so ecstatic for the one child I felt I had failed most the first semester. I hadn't failed him at all...he just needed a different class style. He was bored and needed help in ways that a shorter, more challenging class could offer.
And, don't think I've forgotten...I'm certain you are curious as to what prize could be so magnificent that it would inspire a young man to go from failing to above average in a significantly more challenging class within a 5-week period...a Little Debbie Starcrunch. :)
Reason #1 that I love my job: Student success.
-Tracey
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