Ever have one of those moments when something inside of you changes?
I had one of those moments last night. I went to Breakaway with my roommates. (For those who don't know, Breakaway is an on-campus ministry and worship held every Tuesday night at A&M.) Well, last night it was dedicated to being an "All-Women's Breakaway". Now, I'm going to be honest and will say that I didn't want to go. I was tired and just wanted to go home and read my books while looking out at the glorious snow. My roommate talked me into going...and am I sure glad she did.
A special guest speaker came to speak to us about something that was so pertinent and real in my life (and I'm sure the lives of many other women in the room). The experience was so powerful, I actually cried several times. I didn't cry because I was sad or upset, but just because what the speaker was saying was so true and so real. I honestly felt like God was speaking to me and answering many doubts I've had lately.
The speaker talked about Sarai (Abrams wife) and the mistakes she made because she was impatient in trying to conceive a child that God promised would come. Since she was tired of waiting, she decided to take matters into her own hands and ended up failing because she wasn't patient. If she had been patient, she would have been blessed by God's promises (because we know God always provides) but instead, she then had to live with the regret and disappointment of her decisions. The entire retelling of this biblical story and the relation it had to my life was almost more than I could handle. I remember myself a year ago struggling with the very same issues Sarai was dealing with. I knew what I had in my life was not what I wanted but I didn't want to be patient. Finally, I let go of my own desires and let God be in control and I have never been more blessed or more happy in my entire life. Yet, I'm still not satisfied. The desires of my heart that I want now are not happening and it is so difficult to be patient. Her words rang so true and hard in my heart.
I can honestly say that after hearing that wonderful interpretation of such a relateable story, I am changed. Something inside of me is different. I found that today, my heart did not long so much for what it did not have but instead tried more than ever to glorify God. More than ever, I have realized that I need to just let go and let God. He is in control and if I trust Him completely, I will fulfill what He designed me to do. I will glorify Him and live out His will.
What more do I need? The answer is simple. Nothing.
-Tracey
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Time is flying by so quickly...
that I may need a net to help me land when life slows down. I say this with a smile stretching from ear to ear across my face. I honestly don't know how things in my life could be going any better. Here is an updated list of what's going on and what is in store for the near future.
I close on the new house April 1st! The very first thing I will do once it is officially mine is PAINT! I'm so excited to have a say in what color everything is for the first time ever. My plan is to paint the main rooms (kitchen and living area) a neutral toupe color. That way it is something bright and elegant, but still simple enough to blend well. For my room, I'm thinking a slate blue color (which will match everything I have wonderfully). I'm still undecided on the other bedrooms and my bathroom, but luckily I have time to figure it out.
My roommate and I have decided to start running and training for a half marathon. I used to be a runner, but have been out of it for a few years. I'm excited to get started again. Our goal is to be able to run the half marathon by the Fall. Wish us luck, we're going to need it.
I will finish with my student teaching early in April. While I'm sad about it ending, I'm very excited to get my own classroom. I'm also excited to be able to substitute for the rest of the school year so I can make a little extra money. (I've really had to tighten my belt the past few months with no income.) I have big plans for what my classroom will look like and how the lessons will be structured. I'm ready to mold little minds and enjoy my job every day.
A puppy has been in my future for many years now, but it has never seemed like a good time to get one. I'm gone for many hours a day (usually 10 or more) and haven't had the time or resources to take care of a little puppy. I've really been struggling with the decision to adopt a puppy since I'm finally going to have my own place and money to spend on it. However, a puppy sitll wouldn't be completely practical as a first year teacher because the puppy would be home during the day without me. I've decided on a solution that is in the best interest of everyone involved. I am going to adopt an older dog (2 or 3 years old) from the animal shelter. It will be easier to train as an older dog and can stay at home during the day without too much trouble. :)
My master's degree is well under way and really isn't too difficult so far. I'm enjoying the classes and expanding my knowledge of education. I'm trying to implement what I have learned into my own lessons at school to help my students.
Stay tuned for some very exciting months to come. :)
-Tracey
I close on the new house April 1st! The very first thing I will do once it is officially mine is PAINT! I'm so excited to have a say in what color everything is for the first time ever. My plan is to paint the main rooms (kitchen and living area) a neutral toupe color. That way it is something bright and elegant, but still simple enough to blend well. For my room, I'm thinking a slate blue color (which will match everything I have wonderfully). I'm still undecided on the other bedrooms and my bathroom, but luckily I have time to figure it out.
My roommate and I have decided to start running and training for a half marathon. I used to be a runner, but have been out of it for a few years. I'm excited to get started again. Our goal is to be able to run the half marathon by the Fall. Wish us luck, we're going to need it.
I will finish with my student teaching early in April. While I'm sad about it ending, I'm very excited to get my own classroom. I'm also excited to be able to substitute for the rest of the school year so I can make a little extra money. (I've really had to tighten my belt the past few months with no income.) I have big plans for what my classroom will look like and how the lessons will be structured. I'm ready to mold little minds and enjoy my job every day.
A puppy has been in my future for many years now, but it has never seemed like a good time to get one. I'm gone for many hours a day (usually 10 or more) and haven't had the time or resources to take care of a little puppy. I've really been struggling with the decision to adopt a puppy since I'm finally going to have my own place and money to spend on it. However, a puppy sitll wouldn't be completely practical as a first year teacher because the puppy would be home during the day without me. I've decided on a solution that is in the best interest of everyone involved. I am going to adopt an older dog (2 or 3 years old) from the animal shelter. It will be easier to train as an older dog and can stay at home during the day without too much trouble. :)
My master's degree is well under way and really isn't too difficult so far. I'm enjoying the classes and expanding my knowledge of education. I'm trying to implement what I have learned into my own lessons at school to help my students.
Stay tuned for some very exciting months to come. :)
-Tracey
Sunday, February 14, 2010
It's Valentine's Day...
So, I couldn't resist writing a blog today about my feelings on Valentine's Day. These feelings are much like a roller-coaster that is constantly changing, twisting and moving in all different ways. While I can't remember a Valentine's Day in the past 5 or so years that I haven't had someone to celebrate with, it has not been very enjoyable. Relationships with the opposite sex have proven to be a stressor and a complication in my life, though to be perfectly honest, I can't figure out why this is. Some friends say that my expectations are too high and others say I just can't pick good men. It seems to me that the guys usually end up turning in some way. I don't think they intend to act the way they do, but it frequently ends up that way. Now, I have tried to steer my tone away from using words like "always" or "never" because one day there will be someone who changes my perception, but all of the men in my past fit these two words.
If I was asked about my views on relationships a year ago, I would have been incredibly cynical and unbelieving that happy endings exist. Today, I am much more optimistic. Honestly, I feel completely ready to let someone in and begin a relationship. I know that ultimately God will make that decision and let my special man into my life when He feels I am ready. It's hard to wait and be patient. Right now, I have everything I could ever ask for and am getting to watch my life fall perfectly into place in every way, except that one way. I'm a soon-to-be homeowner, a high school English teacher, a master's student and am surrounded by the most amazing people I could ever ask for. While I rarely feel like something is missing, I often find myself wanting that extra person around. Especially on days like today, when friends are celebrating special times with someone they care about are getting to experience what I want, I feel the want for that too.
I know that during this time that I don't have that person in my life is a defining time in my life. I am taking every opportunity that comes my way and trying to make the most out of everything I am given. I don't feel like my expectations for what I am looking for are too high or out of someone's capabilities, but I haven't found someone who meets the basic expectations I have for a relationship. So, until God decides it's the right time in my life, I will wait patiently and continue living a passionate life.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-Tracey
If I was asked about my views on relationships a year ago, I would have been incredibly cynical and unbelieving that happy endings exist. Today, I am much more optimistic. Honestly, I feel completely ready to let someone in and begin a relationship. I know that ultimately God will make that decision and let my special man into my life when He feels I am ready. It's hard to wait and be patient. Right now, I have everything I could ever ask for and am getting to watch my life fall perfectly into place in every way, except that one way. I'm a soon-to-be homeowner, a high school English teacher, a master's student and am surrounded by the most amazing people I could ever ask for. While I rarely feel like something is missing, I often find myself wanting that extra person around. Especially on days like today, when friends are celebrating special times with someone they care about are getting to experience what I want, I feel the want for that too.
I know that during this time that I don't have that person in my life is a defining time in my life. I am taking every opportunity that comes my way and trying to make the most out of everything I am given. I don't feel like my expectations for what I am looking for are too high or out of someone's capabilities, but I haven't found someone who meets the basic expectations I have for a relationship. So, until God decides it's the right time in my life, I will wait patiently and continue living a passionate life.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-Tracey
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Updates and Wowzers!
So, in my last blog I was ecstatic about how wonderful everything is going. I can honestly say that since that blog was posted, things have gotten even better!
"How so?" you wonder. Simple. The following:
1. I BOUGHT A TOWNHOME! Yep, a townhome of my very own. I'm the owner. It is amazing. I'm very excited and feel blessed to be able to have a permanent place here to call home.
2. Student teaching is so much more fun than I could have imagined. I'm obsessed with the students and have such a great time planning lessons for them and trying to come up with innovative ways to teach difficult concepts. Sometimes they aren't so precious, but most of the time they are.
3. I'm working on my applications to school districts. :) Keep your fingers crossed for a job offer soon.
4. Graduate school is great. It is very stimulating and applicable to what I am doing in the classroom. I have a wonderful graduate advisor who has already begun talking to me about a PhD. (WHOOP!) She is supportive of my goals and is a great mentor. She is going to help me a lot in the next few years and when I begin the PhD application procedure.
Sounds good, doesn't it? I am getting to watch all my dreams come true right before my eyes. I'm definitely a very lucky person. :)
-Tracey
"How so?" you wonder. Simple. The following:
1. I BOUGHT A TOWNHOME! Yep, a townhome of my very own. I'm the owner. It is amazing. I'm very excited and feel blessed to be able to have a permanent place here to call home.
2. Student teaching is so much more fun than I could have imagined. I'm obsessed with the students and have such a great time planning lessons for them and trying to come up with innovative ways to teach difficult concepts. Sometimes they aren't so precious, but most of the time they are.
3. I'm working on my applications to school districts. :) Keep your fingers crossed for a job offer soon.
4. Graduate school is great. It is very stimulating and applicable to what I am doing in the classroom. I have a wonderful graduate advisor who has already begun talking to me about a PhD. (WHOOP!) She is supportive of my goals and is a great mentor. She is going to help me a lot in the next few years and when I begin the PhD application procedure.
Sounds good, doesn't it? I am getting to watch all my dreams come true right before my eyes. I'm definitely a very lucky person. :)
-Tracey
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