God is amazing because He isn't too busy for the small stuff.
1. Last night, I was tired. I didn't want to do anything...BUT a friend of mine talked me into running a 5K with her tonight. So, to "warm up" for that, I decided I needed to do something. I walked on my treadmill for about 30 minutes then decided that was good enough. I got some water and as I stood in my kitchen, got a suddenly strong desire to go outside and run. The walk didn't quench this feeling; my body wanted more. It was a beautiful day and beautiful night. So, I went outside with my Ipod blaring one of my favorite songs and I started running. It felt uncharacteristically good. No shin splint pain. So, I decided to try running faster and quickened my pace. This felt even better. I kept up the faster pace for a solid mile before I let up a little. I stopped and started walking. As I did this, I realized that I still had a desire to run...so, I ran sprint/walk intervals for another mile. This felt amazing...and quenched this running fever.
This morning, my abs hurt, my butt hurts, my legs are tight but I feel great! Ready for the 5K!! :)
2. Earlier this week, I was working in my favorite coffee shop on my "take home statistics exam". I was feeling a little guilty that I was working on grad school work and not planning lessons or grading or doing something else for work. As I was feeling guilty, one of my favorite ladies entered the shop: my grad mentor! I hadn't seen her in several months (as she's been on maternity leave) and the last time she saw me face-to-face, I was in a very bad position (literally having a panic attack about work). Seeing her, talking to her about her life and mine reinforced that I am doing what I am supposed to do and my guilt faded away.
3. Real talk for a minute: being a grown up is tough. Managing finances is tough. Supporting my expensive dream of earning a PhD on a teacher's salary is tough. Having to replace my washer/dryer unexpectedly on a budget is tough. That being said, I'm running low on cash this month and I'm too proud to ask anybody for money. I've been doing some work as a private tutor/editor for several clients to make extra money and establish a client base for next year. One of my clients said she was going to mail me a check this week for the papers I've helped her with already. I had shared with her my starting rates and had kept track of how much she owed me. I had a figure in my head. I got the check this morning and it was WAY more than I expected! Immediately, I called to inquire as to the amount and demand she let me send most of it back. Her response was that she really appreciated my help and that I was doing her a great service by taking the time to help her...and that I needed to keep the money. Thanks to this act of generosity, I am no longer in financial need and don't have to dive into my savings. :)
God is great and has blessed me with knowing so many wonderful individuals who encourage and support me, whether that is with getting my butt in shape, working on achieving my dreams or doing what I love most, teaching and editing. I'm a lucky girl and love a great and powerful God that is never too busy for my somewhat insignificant needs.
-Tracey
Friday, February 24, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
March Madness...
What a stressful and busy February this has been! Definitely one of the craziest yet. Last year, March was my busiest month and while I think this February will be hard to compete with, March might take the lead. Here is what's in store for the 2012 March Madness...
-Trip to San Antonio for the best friend's birthday
-5K race.
-Spring Break in New York City
-Spring Break loving up on family :)
-STAAR...boo...
-Trip to Scottsdale to visit the bestie
-Throw in graduate school, teaching, a few tests, project deadlines, working out, etc, etc...
It's going to be a crazy busy time but I am beyond excited! Actually, the rest of spring is full of great opportunities, good times with loved ones and all around enjoying life doing what I love. I couldn't ask for more than that.
-Tracey
-Trip to San Antonio for the best friend's birthday
-5K race.
-Spring Break in New York City
-Spring Break loving up on family :)
-STAAR...boo...
-Trip to Scottsdale to visit the bestie
-Throw in graduate school, teaching, a few tests, project deadlines, working out, etc, etc...
It's going to be a crazy busy time but I am beyond excited! Actually, the rest of spring is full of great opportunities, good times with loved ones and all around enjoying life doing what I love. I couldn't ask for more than that.
-Tracey
Saturday, February 11, 2012
I wasn't expecting...
to be hit with so many emotions today or to feel so much of God in my life. Let me begin with highlighting my awesome Friday night. Now, I am a 24-year-old, but definitely not the typical kind...most 24-year-olds are out on dates, dancing the night away with friends, having a few drinks, etc, etc on Friday nights. This girl, not so much. Last night, I got home and after a very long week at work, was EXHAUSTED! (Seems to be my buzz-word lately!) I decided to relax with a pizza and movie. I ate some pizza, yes. However, I put on the movie and made it about an hour in..and fell asleep on the couch. A few hours later, I woke up and dragged myself and Jack to bed where I slept amazingly until about 4 this morning. Dang it! I checked emails and responded to a few texts then went back to sleep until about 7, when I decided to wake up. Here is where my emotions of the day began...
1. One of my emails this morning was a swift kick in the butt from an amazing friend/colleague to get moving on some grad school projects. I have three projects that are about to be set in motion, all wonderful opportunities. It may be rough doing them all, but in the end, it will be worth it. Somehow this email lit a fire under me. I spent the first 4 hours of my day at my favorite coffee shop reading for one of my classes and thinking about these projects. Then, I went home, did some more studying and read a novel for my other class. I finally got back into my school mindset. I feel like I've lost that mindset since I devoted all of my spare energy, brain-power and time to teaching...feels great to feel like myself again. Let's face it, I'm meant to be a student right now. It makes me feel complete.
2. I felt a tug at my heart as I realized that one of my dearest and truest friends is officially leaving me! I could not be happier for her, her upcoming marriage, transferring to a new school that is more aligned to her goals, chasing her dreams, everything...BUT I'm also selfish in that I want her to stay here with me. She and her fiance packed up her things and headed out to their new home in Arizona today. I will miss the Wednesday night girls' nights, movie dates, 3 and 4-hour long lunch dates, pedicures, shopping, trips to Houston, eating sweets, laughing...basically all of the K&T time. I felt sad knowing she is leaving, but happy at the same time. It reminds me that growing up is hard.
3. I have often expressed my dissatisfaction with being "stuck" where I am. I am here for a reason and that is to finish school. While I couldn't be happier about this, sometimes I feel like everyone else is passing me by. It seems like everyone else is graduating, getting married, moving forward...and I am STILL working on my last degree. I know this is all in my head, but it takes it's toll. College Station is a nice, little town to live in but certainly not where I want to be long-term. I get bored here quite often. However, today, I was reminded of why I do enjoy living here, why I consider it my hometown (where I've really grown-up) and finally, the perfect place to be finishing my degree. After working hard at the coffee shop for hours, I decided to run by the grocery store to pick up some food for the week. My bag was full of textbooks, my computer, notebooks, etc. and I didn't want to carry it around HEB so I just took in my wallet. As I walked around the store, I set my wallet on the top of the shopping cart. I finished my shopping, paid for my groceries and took everything out to my car. I loaded up, placed the cart in the "buggy return" and drove home. After I unpacked my groceries, ate lunch, watched a movie, took Jack for a walk, I decided to read more for class. I went to my bag to unpack my books and realized something was missing...you guessed it, my wallet! I promptly called HEB to find that, yes, they had my wallet! I rushed back to HEB to find that my wallet was completely intact, credit cards, money and all! Wow! It's nice to live somewhere where I can be a completely spaced-out grad student and still be safe! This could have ended very badly. Thank God for College Station and it's good-hearted people!
All in all, I've had a wonderfully productive day that gave me a glimpse of what it will be like next year to be a full-time student completely devoted to my studies. Early mornings full of reading and collaborating, afternoons of more reading, eating and my favorite, movies and evenings of reflection and writing...in a town that can handle the fact that I'm slowly losing my sanity. :)
-Tracey
1. One of my emails this morning was a swift kick in the butt from an amazing friend/colleague to get moving on some grad school projects. I have three projects that are about to be set in motion, all wonderful opportunities. It may be rough doing them all, but in the end, it will be worth it. Somehow this email lit a fire under me. I spent the first 4 hours of my day at my favorite coffee shop reading for one of my classes and thinking about these projects. Then, I went home, did some more studying and read a novel for my other class. I finally got back into my school mindset. I feel like I've lost that mindset since I devoted all of my spare energy, brain-power and time to teaching...feels great to feel like myself again. Let's face it, I'm meant to be a student right now. It makes me feel complete.
2. I felt a tug at my heart as I realized that one of my dearest and truest friends is officially leaving me! I could not be happier for her, her upcoming marriage, transferring to a new school that is more aligned to her goals, chasing her dreams, everything...BUT I'm also selfish in that I want her to stay here with me. She and her fiance packed up her things and headed out to their new home in Arizona today. I will miss the Wednesday night girls' nights, movie dates, 3 and 4-hour long lunch dates, pedicures, shopping, trips to Houston, eating sweets, laughing...basically all of the K&T time. I felt sad knowing she is leaving, but happy at the same time. It reminds me that growing up is hard.
3. I have often expressed my dissatisfaction with being "stuck" where I am. I am here for a reason and that is to finish school. While I couldn't be happier about this, sometimes I feel like everyone else is passing me by. It seems like everyone else is graduating, getting married, moving forward...and I am STILL working on my last degree. I know this is all in my head, but it takes it's toll. College Station is a nice, little town to live in but certainly not where I want to be long-term. I get bored here quite often. However, today, I was reminded of why I do enjoy living here, why I consider it my hometown (where I've really grown-up) and finally, the perfect place to be finishing my degree. After working hard at the coffee shop for hours, I decided to run by the grocery store to pick up some food for the week. My bag was full of textbooks, my computer, notebooks, etc. and I didn't want to carry it around HEB so I just took in my wallet. As I walked around the store, I set my wallet on the top of the shopping cart. I finished my shopping, paid for my groceries and took everything out to my car. I loaded up, placed the cart in the "buggy return" and drove home. After I unpacked my groceries, ate lunch, watched a movie, took Jack for a walk, I decided to read more for class. I went to my bag to unpack my books and realized something was missing...you guessed it, my wallet! I promptly called HEB to find that, yes, they had my wallet! I rushed back to HEB to find that my wallet was completely intact, credit cards, money and all! Wow! It's nice to live somewhere where I can be a completely spaced-out grad student and still be safe! This could have ended very badly. Thank God for College Station and it's good-hearted people!
All in all, I've had a wonderfully productive day that gave me a glimpse of what it will be like next year to be a full-time student completely devoted to my studies. Early mornings full of reading and collaborating, afternoons of more reading, eating and my favorite, movies and evenings of reflection and writing...in a town that can handle the fact that I'm slowly losing my sanity. :)
-Tracey
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Exhaustion
This week, I was feeling really run down and got bed-rested with what I thought was an everyday stomach virus. While I do believe this was a true illness, I have learned that the real cause of my lack of energy and days down was not a stomach virus but exhaustion. Over the past few years, I have realized that something is fundamentally wrong with me. Yes, it is ok to want more out of life and to continue growing yourself, but for some reason, I think that ALLLLLL has to happen right now. As a result, I am pushing myself to my limits without knowing it, until something like this week happens and I am crushed for a few days. After sleeping for two days and feeling off for four days, I am back to hitting the ground running. It is the weekend, but I don't plan to take it easy, as I probably should.
As usual, I'm trying to be optimistic so I am finding something good in this hectic week. Lately, I've been trying to make a very big decision and while, in my mind, this decision is made, I cannot execute it. That really stumps me because I have no reason to hesitate and I know I am making the right choice. Well, yesterday, I feel like God spoke to me through three individuals, who brought up the same random topic of conversation with me. I always see events like this as His way of speaking to me and making me listen. After thinking about these conversations and reflecting on my life right now and what I want in the future, I have reached a conclusion.
At work today, one of my colleagues commented on a lesson I put together at 10:30 the night before. I have this terrible procrastination complex and work best under pressure and push time limits to their edge without tipping over. So, I planned a kick-ass lesson at 10:30 the night before, walked in and taught it the next morning. I work BEST this way...which is not ideal for the conditions I work in. Anywho, she looked at me puzzled and asked me why I can't plan things ahead of time. I told her that I have so much to do all the time, that that is how things work for me. I'm not sitting around doing nothing, but I am always working...I just have to take things by priority at the time. This conversation got me thinking about why I'm doing so much...
Secondly, at lunch yesterday a colleague pulled me aside to verify a rumor she had heard about me. I neither acknowledged or denied the rumor, but merely said I wouldn't comment on it. She implied that she considered this rumor a negative thing and wanted to not procreate more negativity so she was setting the record straight. I was a bit stunned by this comment as I didn't see the rumor as a negative thing. This got me thinking about my perception of life and how it is being shown to others...
Finally, yesterday, I had dinner with my mom. Since we are so close, she had no qualms about asking me or telling me that she thought something was wrong with me. (Thanks, Mom). She questioned me about where my desire to constantly achieve more and never be satisfied came from. Was it a product of my raising? Was it due to some trauma I endured? What was it? I didn't have an answer. This got me thinking, would less really be more for me?
See what I mean? God got me thinking about three very important ideas that are tied together and tied to my decision. As if that weren't over-kill enough on the topic, He revealed to me my answers in one more way.
Wednesday night, one of my former roommates called me to chat about life and friends. She had mentioned a book to me, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which she thought I should read. Well, I began reading it last night during the storms raging outside (and ironically, in my mind). The first part of the book is all about perceptions and how they shape our behaviors and ideals. In my mind, working yourself hard and helping as many people as possible signifies success. But, it's actually doing the opposite in my life. Yes, I am helping lots of people and doing a bunch of great things, but I'm losing me in the process. This got me thinking about what perceptions I should really be focused on in my own life...
Ok, God, got the message! It's funny that He should know me so well. I love a good mystery, hate being told what to do and have to do everything wrong before I do anything right. He gave me four puzzle pieces to fit together and decide what to do (although He showed me what is best). Finally, He let me do everything wrong for years to realize what I need to do that's best for me, and for all the people I will help in the future.
Thanks, God for the wake-up call! Thanks to my colleagues for asking me tough questions. Thanks, Mom, for supporting me and not being afraid to challenge me (and no, this isn't your fault). Thanks, former roommate, for sharing the book that helped give me "perspective".
I have to admit that now with clarity, I am scared. I'm afraid to do what I want and do what is best (which for the first time, I believe are the same). It's tough, but I know God will pull me through. (And if on the off-chance I'm doing exactly what He doesn't want me to do, He'll pull me through that as well.)
Here goes everything...
-Tracey
As usual, I'm trying to be optimistic so I am finding something good in this hectic week. Lately, I've been trying to make a very big decision and while, in my mind, this decision is made, I cannot execute it. That really stumps me because I have no reason to hesitate and I know I am making the right choice. Well, yesterday, I feel like God spoke to me through three individuals, who brought up the same random topic of conversation with me. I always see events like this as His way of speaking to me and making me listen. After thinking about these conversations and reflecting on my life right now and what I want in the future, I have reached a conclusion.
At work today, one of my colleagues commented on a lesson I put together at 10:30 the night before. I have this terrible procrastination complex and work best under pressure and push time limits to their edge without tipping over. So, I planned a kick-ass lesson at 10:30 the night before, walked in and taught it the next morning. I work BEST this way...which is not ideal for the conditions I work in. Anywho, she looked at me puzzled and asked me why I can't plan things ahead of time. I told her that I have so much to do all the time, that that is how things work for me. I'm not sitting around doing nothing, but I am always working...I just have to take things by priority at the time. This conversation got me thinking about why I'm doing so much...
Secondly, at lunch yesterday a colleague pulled me aside to verify a rumor she had heard about me. I neither acknowledged or denied the rumor, but merely said I wouldn't comment on it. She implied that she considered this rumor a negative thing and wanted to not procreate more negativity so she was setting the record straight. I was a bit stunned by this comment as I didn't see the rumor as a negative thing. This got me thinking about my perception of life and how it is being shown to others...
Finally, yesterday, I had dinner with my mom. Since we are so close, she had no qualms about asking me or telling me that she thought something was wrong with me. (Thanks, Mom). She questioned me about where my desire to constantly achieve more and never be satisfied came from. Was it a product of my raising? Was it due to some trauma I endured? What was it? I didn't have an answer. This got me thinking, would less really be more for me?
See what I mean? God got me thinking about three very important ideas that are tied together and tied to my decision. As if that weren't over-kill enough on the topic, He revealed to me my answers in one more way.
Wednesday night, one of my former roommates called me to chat about life and friends. She had mentioned a book to me, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which she thought I should read. Well, I began reading it last night during the storms raging outside (and ironically, in my mind). The first part of the book is all about perceptions and how they shape our behaviors and ideals. In my mind, working yourself hard and helping as many people as possible signifies success. But, it's actually doing the opposite in my life. Yes, I am helping lots of people and doing a bunch of great things, but I'm losing me in the process. This got me thinking about what perceptions I should really be focused on in my own life...
Ok, God, got the message! It's funny that He should know me so well. I love a good mystery, hate being told what to do and have to do everything wrong before I do anything right. He gave me four puzzle pieces to fit together and decide what to do (although He showed me what is best). Finally, He let me do everything wrong for years to realize what I need to do that's best for me, and for all the people I will help in the future.
Thanks, God for the wake-up call! Thanks to my colleagues for asking me tough questions. Thanks, Mom, for supporting me and not being afraid to challenge me (and no, this isn't your fault). Thanks, former roommate, for sharing the book that helped give me "perspective".
I have to admit that now with clarity, I am scared. I'm afraid to do what I want and do what is best (which for the first time, I believe are the same). It's tough, but I know God will pull me through. (And if on the off-chance I'm doing exactly what He doesn't want me to do, He'll pull me through that as well.)
Here goes everything...
-Tracey
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