In the past few weeks, a realization has blossomed in my mind. I want to preface this by saying that this is not intended to be a pity-party sounding post but more of a stream of consciousness on a topic close to my heart. Additionally, I must give some background information for this realization to make sense to the outside on-looker.
First of all, when I was a little girl, I used to imagine what I would be like as an adult and what my love life would be like. I used to imagine that I would have three or four boyfriends then meet "the one", fall in love and get married. Now, I completely believe I am too young to get married, but that doesn't mean I don't think about what it might be like. Furthermore, I work all day, then go to class at night and when I come home, I wish someone were there to take care of me.
Now, my realization is that I will not be getting married for a very long time. I feel like if I were more normal, and not such a workaholic, this might be different. Unlike the dreams of when I was a little girl, I have not had three or four boyfriends. I've had more like eight or nine...I'm quickly approaching double digits. Definitely not what I expected. While each relationship has been unique and has taught me different things, each has also been disappointing. Ask any of the guys I've dated, and I'm fairly certain they will tell you what they told me, the same classic lines..."you're incredible", "I can't keep up", "you deserve a man who is as driven as you"...yadda yadda ya. Sure, I believe these things, but I'm also disappointed when I hear things like this.
I digress...back to it. I believe if I did not have such a deep-rooted passion for education and education reform, I would easily find a husband. However, that is not the case. I plan to get a PhD in the next few years, then spend years doing research and finally go into politics so I really can be part of education reform. Despite these wonderful ambitions, I have yet to find a man that supports me in these endeavors. Moreover, I will graduate in 2014 and have no idea where I will end up. I also have yet to find a man that is ok with this arrangement. Unfortunately, what I have found is that we still live in a society where the woman is expected to follow the man around but when asked to reverse the roles, it is not accepted.
Therefore, this brings me back to my original statement, I will not be getting married for a very long time, if ever. I completely feel like I have to choose: achieving my goals or having a husband and children. At least I have Jack. :)
Let's just say, I'm unconventional.
Tracey
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Treading Water
All throughout this school year, I have used the term "drowning" to describe how I feel. For the first time, and arguably the busiest time in the year, I feel like I am treading water. This by no means implies that things have gotten easier or slowed down; however, it does mean, I am exhausted but working hard and keeping myself afloat.
My students (and myself) are officially less than a week away from their big test. I am not nearly as freaked out as I was this time last week, last month or last semester. I still feel nervous, but I am hopeful that I have prepared my students to the best of my ability and they will do great things when the time comes. No matter what, I have done what I can. Now, it's up to them. :)
As far as grad school is concerned, I have my final exams for my master's in a few weeks and have been trying to prepare for them. They are giving me a good taste of what it will be like when I get my PhD. I am having to do extra research to familiarize myself with concepts that weren't explicitly taught in my classes. Additionally, I am going back and reviewing old information from my past classes. I have not studied quite this much for anything in years, so it is a good change for me. I am enjoying the information and just hope I can remember it all when the time comes.
In addition to my exams, I am busy with assignments, projects and tutoring. It is a lot! Like I said, I'm treading water to stay afloat. I am working every night prepping lessons, writing papers or doing research. But, anyone who knows me knows I am determined and that I thrive in this environment.
Besides school and work, I have been training Jack in his advanced "puppy" class. He is learning how to stay with distractions, walk through a crowd and interact with other dogs. He has completed the first 9 steps of the Canine Good Citizen exam but fails miserably at supervised separation (it's nice to be loved so much!). I can't be disappointed. He is still very little but doing great. :) He will graduate this weekend from his third training class. What a great little puppy!
I have also reconnected with my Wii in the form of Glee Karaoke. Judge away, but it is fun! Lately, I have had the urge to run. I really want to get back into my running routine but just haven't found the time. I'm hoping I can change that soon. I might go for a run tonight because I am craving it so badly. I think this is my body's way of telling me I need to take a break and start focusing on myself a little more.
In other words, my family and friends are doing well. Everyone (for the most part) is healthy and thriving. I couldn't ask for better support or more wonderful people to take care of me on rough days. They truly are my rocks and inspiration to keep "treading" along. The boyfriend, like all the others, has come and past. I'm learning that finding a good, strong man in today's world is going to be one of my greatest challenges in life. So, for now, I'm just going to stick to what I know and what I can control. In my opinion, I'm fine for now on my own and I have Jack to come home to and snuggle with every night. He's really all I need.
All in all, I'm loving and living life to the best of my ability. I know some days are tough, but things always work out and get better with patience and perseverance. I'm blessed beyond belief and know that I am fulfilling God's plans for me.
-Tracey
My students (and myself) are officially less than a week away from their big test. I am not nearly as freaked out as I was this time last week, last month or last semester. I still feel nervous, but I am hopeful that I have prepared my students to the best of my ability and they will do great things when the time comes. No matter what, I have done what I can. Now, it's up to them. :)
As far as grad school is concerned, I have my final exams for my master's in a few weeks and have been trying to prepare for them. They are giving me a good taste of what it will be like when I get my PhD. I am having to do extra research to familiarize myself with concepts that weren't explicitly taught in my classes. Additionally, I am going back and reviewing old information from my past classes. I have not studied quite this much for anything in years, so it is a good change for me. I am enjoying the information and just hope I can remember it all when the time comes.
In addition to my exams, I am busy with assignments, projects and tutoring. It is a lot! Like I said, I'm treading water to stay afloat. I am working every night prepping lessons, writing papers or doing research. But, anyone who knows me knows I am determined and that I thrive in this environment.
Besides school and work, I have been training Jack in his advanced "puppy" class. He is learning how to stay with distractions, walk through a crowd and interact with other dogs. He has completed the first 9 steps of the Canine Good Citizen exam but fails miserably at supervised separation (it's nice to be loved so much!). I can't be disappointed. He is still very little but doing great. :) He will graduate this weekend from his third training class. What a great little puppy!
I have also reconnected with my Wii in the form of Glee Karaoke. Judge away, but it is fun! Lately, I have had the urge to run. I really want to get back into my running routine but just haven't found the time. I'm hoping I can change that soon. I might go for a run tonight because I am craving it so badly. I think this is my body's way of telling me I need to take a break and start focusing on myself a little more.
In other words, my family and friends are doing well. Everyone (for the most part) is healthy and thriving. I couldn't ask for better support or more wonderful people to take care of me on rough days. They truly are my rocks and inspiration to keep "treading" along. The boyfriend, like all the others, has come and past. I'm learning that finding a good, strong man in today's world is going to be one of my greatest challenges in life. So, for now, I'm just going to stick to what I know and what I can control. In my opinion, I'm fine for now on my own and I have Jack to come home to and snuggle with every night. He's really all I need.
All in all, I'm loving and living life to the best of my ability. I know some days are tough, but things always work out and get better with patience and perseverance. I'm blessed beyond belief and know that I am fulfilling God's plans for me.
-Tracey
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