So, lately, I have been disenchanted and unmotivated in most every aspect of my life. I was going through a "poor me" and "feel sorry for me", selfish stage for a few weeks. Yes, there were things going on that I was less than pleased about, but I wasn't taking advantage of the opportunities to grow and learn. Instead, I was whining, complaining and generally being an unpleasant person. True, I could not change many of the things that were making me unhappy, so instead, I decided (with a little help from the Big Guy upstairs) to change me.
School has been rougher for me than I anticipated. The kids are rough, but I just wasn't taking advantage of teaching them and loving them. I complained nearly every day about how I felt that I was failing them and not living up to my potential. They weren't succeeding and it was my fault. Through some kind words and encouragement from my family, friends and roommates, I was able to feel a little better, but not much. I wanted to cry everyday, but never could. I have never not been able to cry, so this dilemma was particularly confusing and hard to deal with. However, as always, I have found my answers in God.
God showed me the answers to my problems through some fantastic ministries and quiet time. It didn't happen in one setting, but it definitely showed me that I am blessed beyond what I deserve. He showed me that I need to take full advantage of the beauty of my life. I get to go to work everyday and do the work I love. I read, write and teach for 10-12 hours a day and get PAID to do it! Plus, I get to dress basically however I want to, plan with great teammates and hang out with crazy 7th graders all day. Additionally, I get to be a role model and make a difference in the lives of students who have little to look forward to in life. They are broken and hurting and I am there to help them. That is such a rewarding and blessed feeling. I can't describe it.
Additionally, I still have time to do all the things I love. I get to read great novels, play with my puppy, enjoy video games and spend time with the people I love every day. I get home and get to spend 3-5 hours enjoying my day before bed. I have the world's greatest puppy who I walk every day and get to train. He has been such a joy and is so much fun to have around.
Finally, all the people I love and care about are around me all the time and in great health. Seriously, I have no worries in life and live a beyond blessed existence. I have nothing to whine or complain about. Thanks, God, for forcing me to look at things with a new perspective and understand how good I have it.
"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all. I'll stand my soul, Lord, to you surrendered. All I have is Yours."
-Tracey
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