So, I couldn't resist writing a blog today about my feelings on Valentine's Day. These feelings are much like a roller-coaster that is constantly changing, twisting and moving in all different ways. While I can't remember a Valentine's Day in the past 5 or so years that I haven't had someone to celebrate with, it has not been very enjoyable. Relationships with the opposite sex have proven to be a stressor and a complication in my life, though to be perfectly honest, I can't figure out why this is. Some friends say that my expectations are too high and others say I just can't pick good men. It seems to me that the guys usually end up turning in some way. I don't think they intend to act the way they do, but it frequently ends up that way. Now, I have tried to steer my tone away from using words like "always" or "never" because one day there will be someone who changes my perception, but all of the men in my past fit these two words.
If I was asked about my views on relationships a year ago, I would have been incredibly cynical and unbelieving that happy endings exist. Today, I am much more optimistic. Honestly, I feel completely ready to let someone in and begin a relationship. I know that ultimately God will make that decision and let my special man into my life when He feels I am ready. It's hard to wait and be patient. Right now, I have everything I could ever ask for and am getting to watch my life fall perfectly into place in every way, except that one way. I'm a soon-to-be homeowner, a high school English teacher, a master's student and am surrounded by the most amazing people I could ever ask for. While I rarely feel like something is missing, I often find myself wanting that extra person around. Especially on days like today, when friends are celebrating special times with someone they care about are getting to experience what I want, I feel the want for that too.
I know that during this time that I don't have that person in my life is a defining time in my life. I am taking every opportunity that comes my way and trying to make the most out of everything I am given. I don't feel like my expectations for what I am looking for are too high or out of someone's capabilities, but I haven't found someone who meets the basic expectations I have for a relationship. So, until God decides it's the right time in my life, I will wait patiently and continue living a passionate life.
Happy Valentine's Day!
-Tracey
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