Lately, I have been troubled by a personal matter. It is something that has been challenging me for a while and something that is hard for me to deal with. My mind has become weak in the past week and has been struggling even more with toxic thoughts that keep me from being who I want to be. In the past few years, and especially this year, I have grown and become more of the woman I want to be in the future. However, I have been struggling with something that could put everything I have worked for in jeopardy. It's like a game, and if I give in, I lose. If I forfeit and am tough, I win. While giving in will give me instant gratification, it will have long standing consequences that I will have to deal with eventually.
Today, I was shocked a little and things were put into perspective for me. Due to one of my graduate courses, I made a visit to the Holocaust Museum in Houston today. As part of a group project, I had to go to the museum and I have to create a powerpoint and paper about my experience there. I had never been to this museum before, and while I know quite a bit about the Holocaust, I had rarely seen pictures depicting this human tragedy. As I walked through the museum looking at the pictures and reading the real-life accounts of the atrocities, I thought to myself, "why am I being so selfish?" I began to think about the amazing life I have. "What do I have to be upset about?" "So what if life isn't going exactly my way?" As these thoughts flooded my head, I began to thank God for everything I have. I don't have to worry about being harmed because of my race, gender, ethnicity, religion, etc. I feel safe on a daily basis. Moreover, I began to pray to God to help show me how to be less selfish. Here I am, upset and worried about something very insignificant. Something that only affects me. Something that only benefits me.
God has placed so many advantages in my life and so many good things and people. My passions, that are God-given, have guided me to education. My job, here on Earth, is to help adolescents have a better life. I'm supposed to share my love of writing and literature and education so that they can have what they want. My life is not about me. God did not create me that way, yet my human tendencies are to focus on myself. God created me to help others and to glorify Him through my work. I have been letting Him down lately and it took a surprise project in a class I'm less than fond of to remind me of this. Every class I take, every paper I write, every book I read, every person I come into contact is God's doing. It is His doing so that I will become a better person so that I can serve His purpose for me.
Today, I am blessed and thankful that God has reminded me of what is really important in life. He has once again shown me where my focus needs to be. Not on me, but on Him and His purpose for me. I can only pray that He will continue to give me reminders like this one. Philipians 4:6-7
-Tracey
No comments:
Post a Comment