Ambition. This is by far my most redeeming quality. It is also my greatest character flaw. Many times I find that my "go-get-em" mentality or need for continual growth impede on my life. In fact, I really feel for my family and close friends as even they don't know what to do with me all the time. I often hear, "well, you just have to decide what you want to do most".
In the past few months, I have really struggled to make some decisions about what endeavors in my life to pursue and what to push aside. I have spoken about it with my best friends, my parents, professors, past teachers...many people. Today, I had a spontaneous conversation on this very topic with a colleague...and I have to say it was...refreshing. I feel like she actually said things in a way that made the most sense and was phrased better than I've heard. She simply said..."why do you want the things you want? What is the purpose for your ambition?" When I think about things in that way, I realize that there are some things I feel genuinely passionate about and then there are some things I do just to "pad the resume".
1. PhD (this is a genuine passion...the most genuine passion I have)
2. Teaching (this is also a genuine passion...I love my students, planning and sharing my knowledge of the English language)
3. English graduate courses online (this is another genuine love...while it does not compare to my students or my PhD, it is something I enjoy and do for the love of learning more about my deepest passion)
4. Leadership opportunities at work (yet another thing that I truly love. I have a need to be a leader in my work environment - I want to be able to influence changes and help the school grow and I really want to work with teachers on a deeper level)
5. Everything else really falls below the spectrum of my passions...including coaching, sorry!
The other thing this colleague mentioned to me was that I couldn't let my ambition get in the way of people. Luckily, I have been better about this over the years. I have very supportive, secure and loving relationships with my family and friends. They are my support system and the crux of what keeps me going. Without them, my ambition would fall apart. And, of course, I still have the sweetest puppy in the world to come home to each night! :)
It is so comforting to know God is still watching out and helping me...even when I don't realize He is!
-Tracey
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