Perspective...

Life is all about perspective. This year, I did not make any New Year's Resolutions (I feel a little old for this), but instead made two goals that I am going to actively work on throughout the year: 1. Be healthier (both in eating and exercising) and 2. Be more optimistic. Now, I am not really a pessimistic person but through my job of the last two years, I have changed so much as a person and become more pessimistic than I have ever been. I am not nearly as naive as I was once and my views on education have changed drastically since taking this job. I'm actually a bit sad that has happened, but as everything happens for a reason, I will see the true effects within the next few years. I am curious to see how my new views will affect my grad school studies and research in the future.

Now, onto perspective...life changes perspective based on what we are doing at that particular time. I have always been a go-getter, busy type of person. Lately, I have been talking to all the student teachers at my school and it is really quite amusing to hear them talk about "getting up early" and "being so tired". When I started student teaching, I'll admit, I was tired too but I was actually working and moving LESS not more. Despite working less hours, I was more tired. I've been thinking about this a great deal lately because I feel like I live in a constant state of exhaustion. Again, I'm confused because in undergrad, I would wake up at 6 every morning and be gone from my house until 9 or 10 that night...and didn't think anything of it. Now, I wake up at 5 and am usually home around 8 or 9 and am so tired I can barely function to get to bed.

As I've been thinking on this topic, I have found the answer. When I was an undergraduate student, I would wake up early, get ready, go to classes, have lunch, go to job #1, volunteer, go to class, go to job #2, go to meetings, tutor, come home. Now, I wake up early, get ready, go to work, go to class/or workout, come home. I need to constantly be moving, experiencing change and loving everything I am doing. Right now, I am stuck in a box all day...sometimes, I miss the sun (he wakes up after me and goes to bed before me). So, it is easy to see how this can be exhausting.

Ok, it sounds like I've been complaining but I'm trying not to. I love my life and everything in it. However, I have mentioned before that ambition is my most redeeming yet devastating characteristic. So, it's all about perspective. What is most important? What do I want to spend my time doing most? For some reason, this has become the most simple but complicated question I've ever had to answer. The answer is staring me in the face, completely easy to answer. However, the execution of that answer has been weighing heavily on my heart for a while.

As I begin yet another absolutely crazy semester (working 60+ hours, taking 2 grad school courses, fitting in workouts, spending time with family and friends, researching, trying to have a social life, etc.), I feel my head clear. I'm realizing that I can still be ambitious without "doing it all". If I focus on what is most important to me and give it my all, I am still being ambitious without over-exerting myself. Hell, I may even smile a bit more, be more pleasant and turn back into the person that I really liked being. I almost feel like I've been stuck in my "Quarter-life crisis" for the past few years. I can honestly say the past two years have not been the best, but they will stay with me for a long time because they are driving where I will be in the future.

Here's to a crazy semester and finishing one chapter of my life with a BANG! :)

-Tracey