I am passionate about teaching, books and people. These are pleasures in my life that I cannot get enough of. In the past week, God has used my passions to help answer my prayers. He is so good.
So, about a week ago, a book was released that I have been waiting for. Yes, I am the kind of person that gets excited about books being released the way some people get excited for movies to come out in theaters. I had waited MONTHS to read this book and it was finally here. Only problem, I couldn't find the book anywhere. I went to Barnes and Noble. Nothing. I went to Hastings. Nothing. I went to Wal-Mart. Success. Seriously, bookstores? Wal-Mart beat you out? Disappointing, but at least I got my book. Here is where the suprise answer comes from.
However, I must digress a little at this point. As many of the people closest to me know, I went through a very difficult time in my life. This difficult time has been going on for the past year and a half. However, 2010 has been the turning point where my life has begun to make sense again and I have never been happier. It has truly been a blessed year. Anyway, during this difficult time, I sought out books. Being as they have always been important to me, I thought they could help. If I could only find a book that detailed my troubles and showed me that I would be ok and could make it through the tough times. I prayed on it. Constantly, I asked God to point me to a book (other than the Bible) that could help me. He didn't answer. Not then, anyway.
As I stood in Wal-Mart grabbing that one book I had come for, I look over and see another book on the shelf. Other than the fact that a movie is about to be released on this book, I know nothing. In fact, I haven't even paid attention to the movie trailer. Yet, something in me yearns for this book. I grab it and go pay for the two books. Two days later, I finished the book I went to buy and decide to start reading this new book, Eat, Pray, Love. It is PHENOMENAL! This book very closely depicts my own struggles during the hardest time of my life. The book is eloquently written. It is unapologetic and real. At times, it seems as though I have written chapters in the book. They are so real. The emotion is captured in a way that makes you feel the characters pain.
I have rarely in life been so emotionally connected to a book. I have loved many books in my life and have developed long-standing relationships with those books, but this one is different. This one is real. It is my story, my journey, my self-discovery being played out in someone else's life.
The second way God has used my passions to help me in my journey is through music. Those who know me well also know I love to sing, although I may not be the best singer out there. I have especially grown to love Christian rock and the music played in church on Sunday morning. Well, this Sunday, my worst fear came true during worship. They played, gulp, Amazing Grace. Beautiful song? Yes. One of my favorites? Yes. However, this song was played at my Pa's funeral four years ago. Now, when I hear that song, I can't help but think of my grandfather. It makes me sad and I tear up. I bawled my eyes out in church (strangely, the only place I cry these days). For the rest of the day, I felt hurt, wounded and not like myself. However, my wonderful roommates understood the pain. As I was crying in church, my roommate laid her head on my shoulder as if to say, "it's ok".
That's exactly what these two events, hearing the hardest song for me to listen to and reading a remarkably true story about pain and loss, have done for me this week. I know that I am not alone. I am surrounded by amazing people: family, friends, roommates, mentors. These people are here to help me as I discover the woman I want to be. A woman who trusts God and follows Him. Pain and hurt are part of life, but they can be resolved with God's love and the love of the people in your life. That's what I have learned. I thank God for reminding me of these important lessons.
-Tracey
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