So, I have had this blog in my head for a very long time. I will preface by saying that I usually try to find the optimism in everything I write, but tonight, I just want to be pessimistic. Especially, on this topic.
This is something I say to my dad on a regular basis. Every time a man makes me feel unspecial or doesn't treat me the way I think is right, every time a relationship fails, every time I get annoyed at the fact that I have friends getting married (way too young)...I look him in the eyes and say, "Dad, you are the last of a dying breed". He completely understands the implications of what I am saying...guys just aren't like they used to be.
What do I mean? Simple. My father takes care of the women in his life and is a true provider and protector. He single-handedly takes care of my mom, sister, myself and his mother. Unconditionally. Without wanting anything in return. With being completely satisfied with my presence as all the thanks he needs. He constantly goes above and beyond for the women he loves.
To demonstrate, I will share a small story. One day last summer when I was preparing for my upcoming teaching position, I was sitting in the middle of the living room floor at my parent's house sorting school supplies I had acquired. I off-handedly mentioned that I should put labels on my pens and pencils that say "NOT MY PEN" so that the students wouldn't accidentally take them. I kept on with what I was doing. The next morning, I woke up and came into the kitchen. Sitting on the kitchen counter were printed labels that said "NOT MY PEN", cut out and laminated. :) What a sweetheart. Guys, this is the kind of thing that completely melts my heart every time. Every single time I go visit my parent's my dad makes me homemade cinnamon rolls from scratch because I love them so much, and he always fills my truck with gas. :)
He is unconditionally loving to my mom, his wife of 33 (soon-to-be-34) years. He is willing to do absolutely anything to make my mom, sister, grandmother and myself happy or to meet a need we have. Without complaint, he works more than any person I have ever seen. As I hope my story demonstrated, the one thing he does that means more to me than anything in the world is that he listens to what I say. He hears me tell him what I need or want and he always pulls through.
Now, I am not naive enough to believe that I could ever be lucky enough to find a man as great as my father to call my husband (in the distant future). However, it would be nice to meet a guy that is at least in the ballpark. I cannot even find a guy who is nice enough to take me out on a date, much less meet my emotional or physical needs. At this point in my life, I simply want someone who is nice to me and consistent. Someone who wants to see me and has the ability to not be a total jerk. That would be lovely.
So, the point of this blog is to answer a question: is the older generation of men (and I mean older as in my father's age) really the last of a dying breed? At least from my side of the story, the answer will have to wait (possibly for 10 or more years...or possibly never).
-Tracey
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Dreams of Summer...
Summer vacation is officially less than 10 weeks away (69, but who's counting). I am so ready for a long break and could not be more excited about what this summer will bring. I have been dreaming about this summer for a few months now. So what does it bring?
1. First of all, this summer will bring a complete make-over for my house. I bought the house almost a year ago (I can't believe it!) and still haven't got it quite where I want it. I will not be renting out my spare bedrooms next year, so that space will be mine to do with what I want. This make-over will begin by adding fresh paint to every room. Secondly, I will be cleaning all of the carpets, bleaching every spare inch of space and getting every last particle of dirt out of there! This will take some time, as three girls and two dogs can accumulate quite a bit of dirt, but I'm ready for it. I love to clean and this will be like summer cleaning on steroids. Finally, I am reorganizing all of the space and buying new furniture for most of the rooms (thank you, tax return).
The living room will be getting a new tv and some new lamps along with an accent table for the front entryway (granted I can find one I like). Other than that, it is perfect just the way it is and I love it! The kitchen will be getting a new dining set that I am in love with and two bar stools for extra seating. The inside of every kitchen cabinet and the pantry are also going to go through major overhaul.
The front bedroom will be turned into my personal study/office. I am painting one wall maroon, and the others an off-white color. (Yes, this will also be my tribute to A&M. I figure three degrees later, it's time to be THAT Aggie.) I am buying new bookshelves (probably 3) for one wall of the room to put all of my novels and research books on. Right now, they are on two (falling apart) bookshelves in my room and in stacks all over the place. I am also getting a desk and a few fun study chairs to complete the space. The room will be decorated with all of my Aggie pictures and my degrees. I am really excited about how this room will look but more excited to have a designated place to go study, grade papers, plan lessons, etc.
The back bedroom of my house will be turned into a guest room. I am moving my current full-size bed, dresser, cedar chest and bedside table into that room, and basically calling it done. I might buy some pictures for the walls if I have money left over, but we will see. It will be nice to have a place for friends and family to stay when they come visit.
My bedroom will be getting a new bed, dresser and bedside table. :) Jack (the puppy) and I have decided we would prefer a bigger bed, so we are going for it. It should also be mentioned that all of the furniture in my bedroom is from the 70s, 80s and early 90s and NONE of it matches. :( It is all hand-me-down stuff from my parents (some of which was bought before my parents were even married...ancient times). So, I'm looking forward to having a matching set of furniture that shows my personality.
All-in-all, I am hoping this make-over will take me about two weeks to complete. I am excited to see the results and have a perfectly clean and neat house (if only for a few weeks). The rest of my summer will be spent playing, reading and doing a little traveling.
2. In June, my mom and I are going to New York City for a few days. This is kind of like a graduation gift from my family. I got to go to NYC for my undergrad graduation and now for the master's as well. I love it and would really enjoy living there in the near future. Possibly teach at NYU or Columbia? (Hey, I can dream can't I?) I am also planning to take my mom and sister to a Rangers/Astros game in June. My mom is a huge baseball fan and the Rangers have been her team since I can remember. I think this would be a fun outing for us girls and something we would really enjoy.
July and August are pretty open at this point. I am planning to go watch the Davies Cup in Austin in July. Roddick and Nadal are playing and I have never seen professional tennis played in person despite having played it and loved it for years. I'm pumped that two of my favorite players are coming so close and that I have the opportunity to see them in action. I plan to spend August gearing up to start the PhD and my second year of teaching...oh, and of course planning something fun for my birthday.
3. Other than all of that, I plan to play, go to a lot of sporting events, work out and hang out with my friends and family as much as possible. Jack and I are really going to work on his training and get him up to the level of obedience I want from him. I have also told myself that I am going to read a lot more in the summer. I want to read one teaching, research book and one novel per week (at least). I'm also going to spend a good amount of time in study of God's word and might even try an individual bible study for the summer.
Overall, 69 days cannot come soon enough. I am so excited for this summer and can't wait to enjoy the time off recuperating and doing things I love! :)
-Tracey
1. First of all, this summer will bring a complete make-over for my house. I bought the house almost a year ago (I can't believe it!) and still haven't got it quite where I want it. I will not be renting out my spare bedrooms next year, so that space will be mine to do with what I want. This make-over will begin by adding fresh paint to every room. Secondly, I will be cleaning all of the carpets, bleaching every spare inch of space and getting every last particle of dirt out of there! This will take some time, as three girls and two dogs can accumulate quite a bit of dirt, but I'm ready for it. I love to clean and this will be like summer cleaning on steroids. Finally, I am reorganizing all of the space and buying new furniture for most of the rooms (thank you, tax return).
The living room will be getting a new tv and some new lamps along with an accent table for the front entryway (granted I can find one I like). Other than that, it is perfect just the way it is and I love it! The kitchen will be getting a new dining set that I am in love with and two bar stools for extra seating. The inside of every kitchen cabinet and the pantry are also going to go through major overhaul.
The front bedroom will be turned into my personal study/office. I am painting one wall maroon, and the others an off-white color. (Yes, this will also be my tribute to A&M. I figure three degrees later, it's time to be THAT Aggie.) I am buying new bookshelves (probably 3) for one wall of the room to put all of my novels and research books on. Right now, they are on two (falling apart) bookshelves in my room and in stacks all over the place. I am also getting a desk and a few fun study chairs to complete the space. The room will be decorated with all of my Aggie pictures and my degrees. I am really excited about how this room will look but more excited to have a designated place to go study, grade papers, plan lessons, etc.
The back bedroom of my house will be turned into a guest room. I am moving my current full-size bed, dresser, cedar chest and bedside table into that room, and basically calling it done. I might buy some pictures for the walls if I have money left over, but we will see. It will be nice to have a place for friends and family to stay when they come visit.
My bedroom will be getting a new bed, dresser and bedside table. :) Jack (the puppy) and I have decided we would prefer a bigger bed, so we are going for it. It should also be mentioned that all of the furniture in my bedroom is from the 70s, 80s and early 90s and NONE of it matches. :( It is all hand-me-down stuff from my parents (some of which was bought before my parents were even married...ancient times). So, I'm looking forward to having a matching set of furniture that shows my personality.
All-in-all, I am hoping this make-over will take me about two weeks to complete. I am excited to see the results and have a perfectly clean and neat house (if only for a few weeks). The rest of my summer will be spent playing, reading and doing a little traveling.
2. In June, my mom and I are going to New York City for a few days. This is kind of like a graduation gift from my family. I got to go to NYC for my undergrad graduation and now for the master's as well. I love it and would really enjoy living there in the near future. Possibly teach at NYU or Columbia? (Hey, I can dream can't I?) I am also planning to take my mom and sister to a Rangers/Astros game in June. My mom is a huge baseball fan and the Rangers have been her team since I can remember. I think this would be a fun outing for us girls and something we would really enjoy.
July and August are pretty open at this point. I am planning to go watch the Davies Cup in Austin in July. Roddick and Nadal are playing and I have never seen professional tennis played in person despite having played it and loved it for years. I'm pumped that two of my favorite players are coming so close and that I have the opportunity to see them in action. I plan to spend August gearing up to start the PhD and my second year of teaching...oh, and of course planning something fun for my birthday.
3. Other than all of that, I plan to play, go to a lot of sporting events, work out and hang out with my friends and family as much as possible. Jack and I are really going to work on his training and get him up to the level of obedience I want from him. I have also told myself that I am going to read a lot more in the summer. I want to read one teaching, research book and one novel per week (at least). I'm also going to spend a good amount of time in study of God's word and might even try an individual bible study for the summer.
Overall, 69 days cannot come soon enough. I am so excited for this summer and can't wait to enjoy the time off recuperating and doing things I love! :)
-Tracey
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Unexpected...
This blog is going to revolve around the idea of unexpected occurrences, which have been dominating my life for the past month. Well, where to begin? I guess I will begin by saying that I suppose it is part of the game of life to realize and understand that unexpected things will happen quite frequently. Moreover, they will take us by surprise and shock us to our core, but while they may be wonderful and can even bring satisfaction and pleasure, they may not be lasting. Again, that is a trend in what I will write about here.
First of all, it is no shock to those who know me personally or simply learn about my personality through my writing, that I am jaded by relationships and do not have the highest regard for them. Sure, I believe they are wonderful and have the ability to be lasting and heartfelt, but my experiences have shown me that they are anything but this. True to form, as soon as I decide relationships aren't for me, I get surprised.
Earlier in March, we'll say, I met a man who changed some of my ideas about relationships. Let me tell you, this man took me by complete surprise. I had just ended a relationship and was completely anti-man, as usual. However, this guy came out of no where. I'm not really sure how things began, but I started hanging out with this man, only a few times, and talking to him via text and phone. I have never met someone that I instantly liked so much or someone that I was so interested in within such a short time period. Conversations were actually of substance and I found him incredibly attractive. To me, it seemed I had finally found someone I could be good friends with, and if he was interested, something more. To prove a point further, we had a quick conversation one night about last names. A little background: I have no intention of taking my future husband's last name when I get married because (unless something changes in the next 3 years) I will be a PhD (Dr.) and published author (dissertation and articles) before I am married. Therefore, I find it silly to change my name once my name is already out in my field. I fully plan to hyphenate my last name, though, to show we are joined in marriage. Now, this particular conversation was the first time someone was able to justify why I should take the man's last name. His reasoning made sense to me and I actually respected what he said. Besides that, we were able to discuss politics and education which are important topics to me, that few people can seriously talk about. Finally, he understands being busy and is as much of a work-a-holic as me. There are other things, but I won't go on. Like I said, in such a short period of time and spending such little time together, I have never been so interested in someone.
Now, while that in and of itself was unexpected, worse was when I tried to bring up the topic of expectations. You know, my bluntness. Where is this going? What do you see coming of this? I always have to know (it's the control-freak in me). Unfortunately, while he is a great man and the kind of man I'm looking for, he's not one to look for a relationship. Bummer. (Back to batting 1000 on that front.) He was completely into continuing to hang out and "casually" see each other, but not necessarily anything more. Hmm...
This brings me to some questions floating around in my head. Are my expectations too high? Am I too forward too quickly? Is a serious relationship and marriage really in my future? Should I be ok with casual dating? Is this all I should really ever expect? I'd love to say that after mulling over these questions for the past week, I have answers but that would be a lie. If anything, I'm more confused (and yes, slightly bitter) towards the entire topic.
Onto the next unexpected occurrence. I apologize for the vagueness of this one as well, but I have to be somewhat coy. I am trying to pursue my dreams and the beginnings of living the life I truly want. In order to do that, I have to meet small goals as I continue on to achieve the ultimate goal I have: to help reform education. There is one small goal, in particular, that I have been unable to accomplish as of yet and not because I haven't tried, but because the economy and society have prevented this from happening. I am amazed at the things I am willing to go through, the sacrifices I am willing to make and the pride I am willing to push aside to make sure this goal becomes a reality.
It is incredible to me the unexpected occurrences that have jolted my life lately. While they have been blessings in disguise, they are also challenges that I must adapt to and work through. I'm staying optimistic and telling myself I will use these challenges to build character and continue working towards being the kind of woman I am proud to be. God will take care of the rest, so I should have no worries.
Here's to unexpected occurrences. :)
-Tracey
First of all, it is no shock to those who know me personally or simply learn about my personality through my writing, that I am jaded by relationships and do not have the highest regard for them. Sure, I believe they are wonderful and have the ability to be lasting and heartfelt, but my experiences have shown me that they are anything but this. True to form, as soon as I decide relationships aren't for me, I get surprised.
Earlier in March, we'll say, I met a man who changed some of my ideas about relationships. Let me tell you, this man took me by complete surprise. I had just ended a relationship and was completely anti-man, as usual. However, this guy came out of no where. I'm not really sure how things began, but I started hanging out with this man, only a few times, and talking to him via text and phone. I have never met someone that I instantly liked so much or someone that I was so interested in within such a short time period. Conversations were actually of substance and I found him incredibly attractive. To me, it seemed I had finally found someone I could be good friends with, and if he was interested, something more. To prove a point further, we had a quick conversation one night about last names. A little background: I have no intention of taking my future husband's last name when I get married because (unless something changes in the next 3 years) I will be a PhD (Dr.) and published author (dissertation and articles) before I am married. Therefore, I find it silly to change my name once my name is already out in my field. I fully plan to hyphenate my last name, though, to show we are joined in marriage. Now, this particular conversation was the first time someone was able to justify why I should take the man's last name. His reasoning made sense to me and I actually respected what he said. Besides that, we were able to discuss politics and education which are important topics to me, that few people can seriously talk about. Finally, he understands being busy and is as much of a work-a-holic as me. There are other things, but I won't go on. Like I said, in such a short period of time and spending such little time together, I have never been so interested in someone.
Now, while that in and of itself was unexpected, worse was when I tried to bring up the topic of expectations. You know, my bluntness. Where is this going? What do you see coming of this? I always have to know (it's the control-freak in me). Unfortunately, while he is a great man and the kind of man I'm looking for, he's not one to look for a relationship. Bummer. (Back to batting 1000 on that front.) He was completely into continuing to hang out and "casually" see each other, but not necessarily anything more. Hmm...
This brings me to some questions floating around in my head. Are my expectations too high? Am I too forward too quickly? Is a serious relationship and marriage really in my future? Should I be ok with casual dating? Is this all I should really ever expect? I'd love to say that after mulling over these questions for the past week, I have answers but that would be a lie. If anything, I'm more confused (and yes, slightly bitter) towards the entire topic.
Onto the next unexpected occurrence. I apologize for the vagueness of this one as well, but I have to be somewhat coy. I am trying to pursue my dreams and the beginnings of living the life I truly want. In order to do that, I have to meet small goals as I continue on to achieve the ultimate goal I have: to help reform education. There is one small goal, in particular, that I have been unable to accomplish as of yet and not because I haven't tried, but because the economy and society have prevented this from happening. I am amazed at the things I am willing to go through, the sacrifices I am willing to make and the pride I am willing to push aside to make sure this goal becomes a reality.
It is incredible to me the unexpected occurrences that have jolted my life lately. While they have been blessings in disguise, they are also challenges that I must adapt to and work through. I'm staying optimistic and telling myself I will use these challenges to build character and continue working towards being the kind of woman I am proud to be. God will take care of the rest, so I should have no worries.
Here's to unexpected occurrences. :)
-Tracey
"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets"
and my heart is no exception. These secrets are leading me to do some crazy things these days. I have not changed, but I am making some changes that a younger, less-wise Tracey would not make. In the past few weeks, I have done two things I said I would never do. Neither thing was bad, just things that a younger version of myself would never have dreamed of doing. However, despite these facts, I am pleased with my decisions. For the first time, in a long time, I am following my dreams and hopes of a better future. I am choosing to be patient and ride out the storm to go for what I want.
This line from a song has been in my mind lately, "Take a chance and don't ever look back." It shows that I am taking risks and praying that they play out the way I want, or the way God deems best, in the end. :) Here's to happy hoping.
My "heart is a deep ocean of secrets" that are leading me to "take a chance and [never] look back."
-Tracey
This line from a song has been in my mind lately, "Take a chance and don't ever look back." It shows that I am taking risks and praying that they play out the way I want, or the way God deems best, in the end. :) Here's to happy hoping.
My "heart is a deep ocean of secrets" that are leading me to "take a chance and [never] look back."
-Tracey
Monday, March 21, 2011
Spring Break is such a tease!
So, after an incredible week of relaxing for the first time in over a year, it's back to school and work. Spring Break was such a tease about the joys summer will bring into my life. :) After this week, I feel refreshed, rejuvenated and re-inspired with a new sense of happiness that I haven't felt since the end of last summer. To say I've had a rough year is quite the understatement. I won't divulge, for once, in writing about my frustrations and tribulations, but I know the Lord has a plan and this is just another part of that plan. I feel assured that He will guide me where I am supposed to go and will make this year of struggle worth it in the end.
I have realized, once again, that I have so much to be thankful for and so many great things ahead of me. Last week, the greatest thing to ever happen in my short life happened. I received my official letter of acceptance into the PhD program, the one thing I have worked for my entire life. I knew the letter would eventually come, but I was surprised at the overwhelming feelings of emotion I felt as I read and reread that letter. I'll be honest, there were some happy tears followed by lots of phone calls and text messages. It was the validation that I am doing exactly what I was created to do and that all my hard work and years of sacrifice have paid off. The countless hours of studying and choosing to work and write papers rather than play and have fun have been worth it. :) I am so excited to begin my studies (or continue, actually) in the Fall. It's going to be an exciting ride.
Besides this wonderful occurrence, I have continued to build new friendships over the break and had the opportunity to deepen and build upon old friendships. I was reunited with my love of reading (not teen literature and not journal articles), and I got to spend hours at my parents' house riding the four-wheeler around our property. Multiple walks per day were taken with Jack and I really had a chance to work on his training for the first time in a while.
Now, more than ever, I am ready for summertime and the joys it will bring. I have yet to decide if I will take classes this summer or allow myself to enjoy my first summer off. My mom and I are planning a trip to New York City (a dream come true, again), so planning for that is occupying much of my free time now. Like I said, I have a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to. Until summer, here's praying for patience and strength to make it through the last few months of this semester.
Master's Graduation: 54 days
Summer Vacation Begins: 75 days
Trip to NYC: 90 days
-Tracey :)
I have realized, once again, that I have so much to be thankful for and so many great things ahead of me. Last week, the greatest thing to ever happen in my short life happened. I received my official letter of acceptance into the PhD program, the one thing I have worked for my entire life. I knew the letter would eventually come, but I was surprised at the overwhelming feelings of emotion I felt as I read and reread that letter. I'll be honest, there were some happy tears followed by lots of phone calls and text messages. It was the validation that I am doing exactly what I was created to do and that all my hard work and years of sacrifice have paid off. The countless hours of studying and choosing to work and write papers rather than play and have fun have been worth it. :) I am so excited to begin my studies (or continue, actually) in the Fall. It's going to be an exciting ride.
Besides this wonderful occurrence, I have continued to build new friendships over the break and had the opportunity to deepen and build upon old friendships. I was reunited with my love of reading (not teen literature and not journal articles), and I got to spend hours at my parents' house riding the four-wheeler around our property. Multiple walks per day were taken with Jack and I really had a chance to work on his training for the first time in a while.
Now, more than ever, I am ready for summertime and the joys it will bring. I have yet to decide if I will take classes this summer or allow myself to enjoy my first summer off. My mom and I are planning a trip to New York City (a dream come true, again), so planning for that is occupying much of my free time now. Like I said, I have a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to. Until summer, here's praying for patience and strength to make it through the last few months of this semester.
Master's Graduation: 54 days
Summer Vacation Begins: 75 days
Trip to NYC: 90 days
-Tracey :)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thinking Ahead
I have had the most incredible Spring Break. :) I can't explain the feeling of being rejuvenated, refreshed and re-inspired that I am feeling towards the end of this break. Now, I can't completely explain where this feeling is coming from. Maybe it was the time away from work, maybe it was spending time with family and friends, maybe it was having extra time to enjoy my favorite things. Anyway, whatever the reason, I am truly grateful to be feeling so happy again. It has been far too long since I've felt so good. :)
That being said, while I am feeling this incredible, I am also somewhat bored. Anyone who knows me can testify that I can do everything...except relax. When I stop and relax, I think and think and think...usually getting me into some kind of trouble. It is a well-known fact that I tend to think too much and over-analyze everything. So, at the end of this break, I have been thinking about life. What do I hope to accomplish in the next 5 years? Where will I be? Who will be with me?
Here are the answers I have come up with:
1. I WILL be finished with school. Graduated. Done. As far as I can see, I'm 3 years away.
2. I have NO clue where I will be living.
3. I have NO clue who will be with me.
4. I'd love to be married or have a family by then, but at this rate, I'm batting zero.
5. I don't have many answers...
The control-freak inside of me wants to be worried about the fact that I don't know much about what the next 5 years hold for my life except that they include finishing the very long journey of school. However, a new-found peace-maker side of me says "It's ok. Trust God." So, that is what I am trying my best to do. Amongst the changes of life, I am trying to stay calm. I am watching friends have babies, get married, move away, pursue new jobs, etc...yet I am staying right where I am, working and learning, and loving most of it.
For the number one on my list, school, I know that I have the ambition and drive to make it happen, while God has placed every possible resource at my fingertips to ensure that I am successful. As far as where I will be living, God hasn't let me down yet in providing for me a place to live. I have no doubts that He will continue to do this in the future, no matter where I am. He will lead me to wherever I am needed to live His calling. When it comes to who will be with me, God has placed incredible people in my life and brings new people into my life all the time. I have never once been without friends, family, mentors and people who care about me. I know He will continue to bring special people into my life to help me along my journey. Finally, when it comes to marriage and children. Besides being a great teacher and making changes in the public education system, it is my greatest ambition to be a mother. I get to play the "mom" role in my group of friends and try to take care of people as well as I can, plus I have my little puppy to take care of. For now, this will have to do. When the moment is right, God will introduce me to the man He created just for me, then I'll have the opportunity to be a mother. I have no doubts.
I'm not sure if it is part of growing up, or something inside of me changing, but I have felt a renewed sense of peace in my heart. I don't worry about things nearly as much as I used to and I feel very at ease with people around me. I feel myself becoming more trusting, not only in the Lord but in mankind as a whole. I'm going to give the credit for this to "growing up". :)
Here's to a hopeful future.
-Tracey
That being said, while I am feeling this incredible, I am also somewhat bored. Anyone who knows me can testify that I can do everything...except relax. When I stop and relax, I think and think and think...usually getting me into some kind of trouble. It is a well-known fact that I tend to think too much and over-analyze everything. So, at the end of this break, I have been thinking about life. What do I hope to accomplish in the next 5 years? Where will I be? Who will be with me?
Here are the answers I have come up with:
1. I WILL be finished with school. Graduated. Done. As far as I can see, I'm 3 years away.
2. I have NO clue where I will be living.
3. I have NO clue who will be with me.
4. I'd love to be married or have a family by then, but at this rate, I'm batting zero.
5. I don't have many answers...
The control-freak inside of me wants to be worried about the fact that I don't know much about what the next 5 years hold for my life except that they include finishing the very long journey of school. However, a new-found peace-maker side of me says "It's ok. Trust God." So, that is what I am trying my best to do. Amongst the changes of life, I am trying to stay calm. I am watching friends have babies, get married, move away, pursue new jobs, etc...yet I am staying right where I am, working and learning, and loving most of it.
For the number one on my list, school, I know that I have the ambition and drive to make it happen, while God has placed every possible resource at my fingertips to ensure that I am successful. As far as where I will be living, God hasn't let me down yet in providing for me a place to live. I have no doubts that He will continue to do this in the future, no matter where I am. He will lead me to wherever I am needed to live His calling. When it comes to who will be with me, God has placed incredible people in my life and brings new people into my life all the time. I have never once been without friends, family, mentors and people who care about me. I know He will continue to bring special people into my life to help me along my journey. Finally, when it comes to marriage and children. Besides being a great teacher and making changes in the public education system, it is my greatest ambition to be a mother. I get to play the "mom" role in my group of friends and try to take care of people as well as I can, plus I have my little puppy to take care of. For now, this will have to do. When the moment is right, God will introduce me to the man He created just for me, then I'll have the opportunity to be a mother. I have no doubts.
I'm not sure if it is part of growing up, or something inside of me changing, but I have felt a renewed sense of peace in my heart. I don't worry about things nearly as much as I used to and I feel very at ease with people around me. I feel myself becoming more trusting, not only in the Lord but in mankind as a whole. I'm going to give the credit for this to "growing up". :)
Here's to a hopeful future.
-Tracey
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Inspiration in a Pessimistic World
Today, I got the opportunity to watch some good, quality television. I feel like I have to add the "good, quality" comment because honestly, I find much of what I watch on television to be uninspiring and cynical. Let me begin...
My favorite show, up until this semester, has been Glee. I first fell in love with it when the pilot episode included a stunning performance of my all time favorite song "Don't Stop Believin'". The finale of that season included a Journey medley that had my heart dancing. I fell in love with some great characters and good, wholesome comedy with a few crude comments in between. It seemed that Glee was made just for me and someone had somehow tapped into my brain to combine all things Tracey into one show. Now, I did say it was my favorite up until this semester. This semester, I feel like they have completely redefined and changed many of the characters. Additionally, the plot has begun introducing some heavy topic, in not so quite a classy way. Glee was good at dealing with tough issues before and in a tasteful manner, but now, they've fallen off the boat. I have begun wondering if the show hired new writers who hadn't watched the show before. A few weeks ago the show was all about drinking and the characters spent most of the show being drunk. This past week, the show was all about sex, of every kind, and the characters spent the majority of the show being obsessed with sex.
These new developments on a show that I truly enjoyed have left me saddened at the future of television. It's hard to find decent shows on TV that aren't plagued by drugs, sex, violence, etc. These topics permeate Primetime television. In addition, the news is not exactly known for it's optimism of the world. Many news broadcasts show the same kinds of things further adding to the pessimism of modern society.
However, today, I finally had time to watch shows I've recorded on my DVR and was pleasantly surprised, touched and emotionally moved by a show I randomly decided to record: The Secret Millionaire. Never have I been so touched by reality TV. I spent most of the show crying my eyes out, laughing and praising God for bringing this into my home. See, I am passionate about giving back to the community and have spent many years of my life participating in community service and watching how it helps people in need. I am surrounded on a daily basis by people living in poverty who deserve to have community members supporting and helping them. This is the reason this show hit home so hard for me. This show documents a millionaire who lives for one week in a poverty-ridden area while trying to discover what kinds of people are doing good in the community. At the end of that show, the millionaire gives deserving people and organizations money to help further their causes. On this particular episode, the millionaire gave money to a music organization that gives free music lessons to children, a soup kitchen that serves over 2000 meals a week, an organization that remodels bedrooms for terminally ill children and a family with a five-year-old daughter suffering from leukemia. I was so touched by the show and absolutely loved seeing Primetime TV show positive, good things that are happening in our world.
Today, I have been reminded of how potent God is in society. Despite the pessimism and suffering that happen in our world and are most often the focus of our lives, God is among us and is doing great things. I praise Him for that reminder. As always, when I am in doubt, He delivers my answers. I'm truly blessed to be able to have the luxury and privilege of discovering this truth daily. :)
God has proven to give me answers to questions in many other ways this week by bringing new friendships, opportunities and examples of His grace and mercy to the forefront of my mind. Why He spends so much time and effort on me is incomprehensible to me, but I am forever thankful and will live to glorify Him.
Philippians 4:6-7
-Tracey
My favorite show, up until this semester, has been Glee. I first fell in love with it when the pilot episode included a stunning performance of my all time favorite song "Don't Stop Believin'". The finale of that season included a Journey medley that had my heart dancing. I fell in love with some great characters and good, wholesome comedy with a few crude comments in between. It seemed that Glee was made just for me and someone had somehow tapped into my brain to combine all things Tracey into one show. Now, I did say it was my favorite up until this semester. This semester, I feel like they have completely redefined and changed many of the characters. Additionally, the plot has begun introducing some heavy topic, in not so quite a classy way. Glee was good at dealing with tough issues before and in a tasteful manner, but now, they've fallen off the boat. I have begun wondering if the show hired new writers who hadn't watched the show before. A few weeks ago the show was all about drinking and the characters spent most of the show being drunk. This past week, the show was all about sex, of every kind, and the characters spent the majority of the show being obsessed with sex.
These new developments on a show that I truly enjoyed have left me saddened at the future of television. It's hard to find decent shows on TV that aren't plagued by drugs, sex, violence, etc. These topics permeate Primetime television. In addition, the news is not exactly known for it's optimism of the world. Many news broadcasts show the same kinds of things further adding to the pessimism of modern society.
However, today, I finally had time to watch shows I've recorded on my DVR and was pleasantly surprised, touched and emotionally moved by a show I randomly decided to record: The Secret Millionaire. Never have I been so touched by reality TV. I spent most of the show crying my eyes out, laughing and praising God for bringing this into my home. See, I am passionate about giving back to the community and have spent many years of my life participating in community service and watching how it helps people in need. I am surrounded on a daily basis by people living in poverty who deserve to have community members supporting and helping them. This is the reason this show hit home so hard for me. This show documents a millionaire who lives for one week in a poverty-ridden area while trying to discover what kinds of people are doing good in the community. At the end of that show, the millionaire gives deserving people and organizations money to help further their causes. On this particular episode, the millionaire gave money to a music organization that gives free music lessons to children, a soup kitchen that serves over 2000 meals a week, an organization that remodels bedrooms for terminally ill children and a family with a five-year-old daughter suffering from leukemia. I was so touched by the show and absolutely loved seeing Primetime TV show positive, good things that are happening in our world.
Today, I have been reminded of how potent God is in society. Despite the pessimism and suffering that happen in our world and are most often the focus of our lives, God is among us and is doing great things. I praise Him for that reminder. As always, when I am in doubt, He delivers my answers. I'm truly blessed to be able to have the luxury and privilege of discovering this truth daily. :)
God has proven to give me answers to questions in many other ways this week by bringing new friendships, opportunities and examples of His grace and mercy to the forefront of my mind. Why He spends so much time and effort on me is incomprehensible to me, but I am forever thankful and will live to glorify Him.
Philippians 4:6-7
-Tracey
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Choices
Every morning, I wake up and have a choice to make. I can choose to be stressed about work, unhappy about that stress and moody with my friends and family, or I can choose to put a smile on my face, rest assured that God will take care of all my problems and enjoy the day. Time for a confession: lately, I have not been doing the latter of these two options. Instead, I have been selfish, and somewhat bratty, to the people I love. Sure, I'm stressed. Sure, there isn't much I can do to change it. Oh, except there is. There are many things I can do to change my stress and attitude.
1. Above all else, KNOW and TRUST that God has my back. He has never failed me, in my most cherished times and my lowest points, so why do I doubt that he has me now? He is there for me and has a plan for everything. If I am feeling stressed or beaten down by things, it is because I am not allowing Him to be in control. This is my eternal fault. I am a control-freak and think my ideas and plans are better than the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). My goal for the next few weeks, and beyond, is to really focus on letting Him take the lead. Every time I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I want to stop and focus on Him and put things into His hands. It will be much easier on me and will lead to better outcomes.
2. Secondly, I can choose to wake up each morning and be happy. Even if things aren't EXACTLY the way I want them to be, I have more than I deserve and should be over-the-moon excited about those blessings each and every day. As a reminder to myself, I'm going to list the reasons why I should be grateful and joyous every day instead of moody and pouty.
A. Family and friends who love and support me
B. A job that keeps me out of financial stress
C. A job that affects the lives of others in a positive way
D. Co-workers who go out of their way to support and help me grow as a teacher
E. The ability to pursue a higher education
F. Mentors and classmates who go above and beyond to make sure I accomplish my goals
G. A puppy to play with, train and snuggle with after rough days
H. Free time to enjoy all forms of entertainment (reading, sports, Wii, movies, etc.)
I. A home to keep me sheltered
J. Food anytime I want
K. Savings to fall back on
L. A Lord that blesses me with more than I could ever deserve
M. I'm going to stop there, but I could continue...
All in all, I have acted selfishly and taken my stress out on those I love and care about most when all they have tried to do is be there for me. This serves as an apology coupled with a realization that I must actively make the choice every day to be happy, successful and stress-free. "If you want to be happy, be." I do and I will.
-Tracey
1. Above all else, KNOW and TRUST that God has my back. He has never failed me, in my most cherished times and my lowest points, so why do I doubt that he has me now? He is there for me and has a plan for everything. If I am feeling stressed or beaten down by things, it is because I am not allowing Him to be in control. This is my eternal fault. I am a control-freak and think my ideas and plans are better than the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). My goal for the next few weeks, and beyond, is to really focus on letting Him take the lead. Every time I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I want to stop and focus on Him and put things into His hands. It will be much easier on me and will lead to better outcomes.
2. Secondly, I can choose to wake up each morning and be happy. Even if things aren't EXACTLY the way I want them to be, I have more than I deserve and should be over-the-moon excited about those blessings each and every day. As a reminder to myself, I'm going to list the reasons why I should be grateful and joyous every day instead of moody and pouty.
A. Family and friends who love and support me
B. A job that keeps me out of financial stress
C. A job that affects the lives of others in a positive way
D. Co-workers who go out of their way to support and help me grow as a teacher
E. The ability to pursue a higher education
F. Mentors and classmates who go above and beyond to make sure I accomplish my goals
G. A puppy to play with, train and snuggle with after rough days
H. Free time to enjoy all forms of entertainment (reading, sports, Wii, movies, etc.)
I. A home to keep me sheltered
J. Food anytime I want
K. Savings to fall back on
L. A Lord that blesses me with more than I could ever deserve
M. I'm going to stop there, but I could continue...
All in all, I have acted selfishly and taken my stress out on those I love and care about most when all they have tried to do is be there for me. This serves as an apology coupled with a realization that I must actively make the choice every day to be happy, successful and stress-free. "If you want to be happy, be." I do and I will.
-Tracey
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)