Thinking Ahead

I have had the most incredible Spring Break. :) I can't explain the feeling of being rejuvenated, refreshed and re-inspired that I am feeling towards the end of this break. Now, I can't completely explain where this feeling is coming from. Maybe it was the time away from work, maybe it was spending time with family and friends, maybe it was having extra time to enjoy my favorite things. Anyway, whatever the reason, I am truly grateful to be feeling so happy again. It has been far too long since I've felt so good. :)

That being said, while I am feeling this incredible, I am also somewhat bored. Anyone who knows me can testify that I can do everything...except relax. When I stop and relax, I think and think and think...usually getting me into some kind of trouble. It is a well-known fact that I tend to think too much and over-analyze everything. So, at the end of this break, I have been thinking about life. What do I hope to accomplish in the next 5 years? Where will I be? Who will be with me?

Here are the answers I have come up with:

1. I WILL be finished with school. Graduated. Done. As far as I can see, I'm 3 years away.
2. I have NO clue where I will be living.
3. I have NO clue who will be with me.
4. I'd love to be married or have a family by then, but at this rate, I'm batting zero.
5. I don't have many answers...

The control-freak inside of me wants to be worried about the fact that I don't know much about what the next 5 years hold for my life except that they include finishing the very long journey of school. However, a new-found peace-maker side of me says "It's ok. Trust God." So, that is what I am trying my best to do. Amongst the changes of life, I am trying to stay calm. I am watching friends have babies, get married, move away, pursue new jobs, etc...yet I am staying right where I am, working and learning, and loving most of it.

For the number one on my list, school, I know that I have the ambition and drive to make it happen, while God has placed every possible resource at my fingertips to ensure that I am successful. As far as where I will be living, God hasn't let me down yet in providing for me a place to live. I have no doubts that He will continue to do this in the future, no matter where I am. He will lead me to wherever I am needed to live His calling. When it comes to who will be with me, God has placed incredible people in my life and brings new people into my life all the time. I have never once been without friends, family, mentors and people who care about me. I know He will continue to bring special people into my life to help me along my journey. Finally, when it comes to marriage and children. Besides being a great teacher and making changes in the public education system, it is my greatest ambition to be a mother. I get to play the "mom" role in my group of friends and try to take care of people as well as I can, plus I have my little puppy to take care of. For now, this will have to do. When the moment is right, God will introduce me to the man He created just for me, then I'll have the opportunity to be a mother. I have no doubts.

I'm not sure if it is part of growing up, or something inside of me changing, but I have felt a renewed sense of peace in my heart. I don't worry about things nearly as much as I used to and I feel very at ease with people around me. I feel myself becoming more trusting, not only in the Lord but in mankind as a whole. I'm going to give the credit for this to "growing up". :)

Here's to a hopeful future.

-Tracey