Unexpected...

This blog is going to revolve around the idea of unexpected occurrences, which have been dominating my life for the past month. Well, where to begin? I guess I will begin by saying that I suppose it is part of the game of life to realize and understand that unexpected things will happen quite frequently. Moreover, they will take us by surprise and shock us to our core, but while they may be wonderful and can even bring satisfaction and pleasure, they may not be lasting. Again, that is a trend in what I will write about here.

First of all, it is no shock to those who know me personally or simply learn about my personality through my writing, that I am jaded by relationships and do not have the highest regard for them. Sure, I believe they are wonderful and have the ability to be lasting and heartfelt, but my experiences have shown me that they are anything but this. True to form, as soon as I decide relationships aren't for me, I get surprised.

Earlier in March, we'll say, I met a man who changed some of my ideas about relationships. Let me tell you, this man took me by complete surprise. I had just ended a relationship and was completely anti-man, as usual. However, this guy came out of no where. I'm not really sure how things began, but I started hanging out with this man, only a few times, and talking to him via text and phone. I have never met someone that I instantly liked so much or someone that I was so interested in within such a short time period. Conversations were actually of substance and I found him incredibly attractive. To me, it seemed I had finally found someone I could be good friends with, and if he was interested, something more. To prove a point further, we had a quick conversation one night about last names. A little background: I have no intention of taking my future husband's last name when I get married because (unless something changes in the next 3 years) I will be a PhD (Dr.) and published author (dissertation and articles) before I am married. Therefore, I find it silly to change my name once my name is already out in my field. I fully plan to hyphenate my last name, though, to show we are joined in marriage. Now, this particular conversation was the first time someone was able to justify why I should take the man's last name. His reasoning made sense to me and I actually respected what he said. Besides that, we were able to discuss politics and education which are important topics to me, that few people can seriously talk about. Finally, he understands being busy and is as much of a work-a-holic as me. There are other things, but I won't go on. Like I said, in such a short period of time and spending such little time together, I have never been so interested in someone.

Now, while that in and of itself was unexpected, worse was when I tried to bring up the topic of expectations. You know, my bluntness. Where is this going? What do you see coming of this? I always have to know (it's the control-freak in me). Unfortunately, while he is a great man and the kind of man I'm looking for, he's not one to look for a relationship. Bummer. (Back to batting 1000 on that front.) He was completely into continuing to hang out and "casually" see each other, but not necessarily anything more. Hmm...

This brings me to some questions floating around in my head. Are my expectations too high? Am I too forward too quickly? Is a serious relationship and marriage really in my future? Should I be ok with casual dating? Is this all I should really ever expect? I'd love to say that after mulling over these questions for the past week, I have answers but that would be a lie. If anything, I'm more confused (and yes, slightly bitter) towards the entire topic.

Onto the next unexpected occurrence. I apologize for the vagueness of this one as well, but I have to be somewhat coy. I am trying to pursue my dreams and the beginnings of living the life I truly want. In order to do that, I have to meet small goals as I continue on to achieve the ultimate goal I have: to help reform education. There is one small goal, in particular, that I have been unable to accomplish as of yet and not because I haven't tried, but because the economy and society have prevented this from happening. I am amazed at the things I am willing to go through, the sacrifices I am willing to make and the pride I am willing to push aside to make sure this goal becomes a reality.

It is incredible to me the unexpected occurrences that have jolted my life lately. While they have been blessings in disguise, they are also challenges that I must adapt to and work through. I'm staying optimistic and telling myself I will use these challenges to build character and continue working towards being the kind of woman I am proud to be. God will take care of the rest, so I should have no worries.

Here's to unexpected occurrences. :)

-Tracey