I am a first-year teacher and I cannot begin to describe the challenges and obstacles I have faced. I have grown more as a person in the past four months than I can remember growing during the past 23 years of life. I have changed and become more like the woman and person I want to be in the future. I owe much of this change to a group of very special 7th graders. They are a daily struggle for me and their battles weigh heavily on my mind at all times. I carry them with me to my grad classes, to church and home to the people I love every night. These kids have become as much a part of me as myself. Their struggles are my struggles and I want nothing but the best for them. I pray each night that they can find some comfort and peace in the craziness of their existences.
To say that I experienced a culture-shock my first semester of teaching is an understatement. I was transformed by the culture-shock I dove into. Not only did I experience and new culture and world of challenges, I learned what it is like to be a parent. All of a sudden, I became a mother to 65 13-year-old kids. This shock had such a profound effect on me that I spent most of my first semester of teaching crying and being stressed about what I was trying to accomplish. I wanted my students to be successful and most days simply felt like a brief battle in a war in which I was not the victor. I felt like I had no chance of succeeding and that I would be another disappointment and failure to the students I had so quickly grown to love. As the semester progressed, however, I realized how quickly I fell in love with each of my students and knew that if I put enough time and effort into my teaching, we could all win this war. I never knew so many unique individuals could capture my thoughts and and preoccupy my spare time. I didn't mind that I was working non-stop and constantly thinking about them and how I could help them be successful. Come to think of it, those things have not changed and if anything, have become more potent in this second semester.
During the fall, I had one student in particular who challenged me. This dear sweet boy, who we shall call John, was special. Not only did he come with a hoard of home-life issues, he was obviously ADD/ADHD with no medication, could not see very well without glasses which he could not afford and desired to consume all of my time and energy. He was a major discipline problem. His discipline management was so severe that I had to escort him to the principal's office numerous time, write countless referrals on his behalf and break up several fights between he and other students. I was certain this child had to hate me. I had never and have yet to yell at or discipline a student as much as I had to yell at and discipline him. Finally, around Thanksgiving, this darling child was removed from my class after continued problems, failing my class two 6-weeks in a row and damaging many items in my classroom. Now, I don't want it to seem like I didn't try several approaches. I bribed this kid with behavior charts, reinforcement and rewards and many after-school hours of tutoring. He just would not allow himself to be successful in my class. He scored very well on his benchmark tests, and I had come up with the theory that he would do better in a shorter, more challenging class (pre-ap). After speaking (and crying) with the principal about this, the switch was made.
I thought I wouldn't see this student again except for the occasional pass in the hallway. I have seen this child almost every day since. He comes to me after school repeatedly for help with assignments (that he would not do in my class) and come to talk to me between passing periods on a daily basis. The Monday after the big switch was made, John came to me. He said, "Ms. Hodges, I think I'm going to like pre-ap. I like to be challenged." I looked at him and said, "Ok, then...let's make a challenge." I asked him if he would like a reward from me if he would pass his ELA class next 6-weeks (remember, he failed the previous two). He said he was up for the challenge and we decided on an acceptable prize. It had to be something wonderful and worth his effort...after all, he would have to work extremely hard for the next 5 weeks to pass English.
A few days ago, John comes to me during the class day. "Ms. Hodges, it's time to pay up," he says as he stands with his hands in the pockets of his red hooded-sweatshirt. "Pay up?" I ask, "For what?" (I had forgotten about the deal we had made in the chaos of Christmas break.) "Our deal, Ms. Hodges. You said if I passed ELA, you would give me a prize." He announced, his chest puffed out with pride. "Of course, John. Well, you know the rules...you have to show me your report card." I answered. The next moment will stay with me for a very long time as it is one of the proudest moments of my short teaching career thus far. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "Ms. Hodges, I got an 80 in pre-ap." I could hear the pride in his voice and felt so ecstatic for the one child I felt I had failed most the first semester. I hadn't failed him at all...he just needed a different class style. He was bored and needed help in ways that a shorter, more challenging class could offer.
And, don't think I've forgotten...I'm certain you are curious as to what prize could be so magnificent that it would inspire a young man to go from failing to above average in a significantly more challenging class within a 5-week period...a Little Debbie Starcrunch. :)
Reason #1 that I love my job: Student success.
-Tracey
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Saturday, December 25, 2010
New Year, New Resolutions
As 2011 approaches, I am thinking about what I would like to accomplish during the year. I am the epitome of a goal-oriented person; goals are what keep me moving forward in life. I love crossing off goals on my list and feeling the moment of accomplishment that comes with it...you could say this is my life's drug that keeps me high at all times. :)
I looked back at my "resolutions" post from this past year and realize that I was able to achieve all of my goals. I became more patient, maintained a 4.0 and continued focusing on my relationship with Christ as well as people around me. I have never not accomplished a resolution I have set, which gives me high hopes and expectations for my resolutions of 2011. So...here goes...
Resolutions of 2011
1. Finish my master's with a 4.0
I have 9 hours left and only have to make it to May! I can do it!
2. Develop a work out routine and stick to it
In the past year, I have tried multiple routines but haven't found something that sticks. I am really busy and the one thing I am always willing to let slide is my workouts; however, I feel much better when I work out and really need to get into better shape. I received the P90X for Christmas and have put the workouts into my phone as alerts so I have no excuses...:)
3. Retain my sanity as I begin my PhD studies
This is the thing I am most excited about in 2011. I feel like I have worked so hard for so long to achieve this one goal of earning my PhD and now, it is a reality in the making. This is the number one thing on my bucket list so far and I am eager to begin...let's just hope I keep up my determination, drive and sanity as this final academic journey begins.
4. CONTINUE to build relationships that make me happy
I want to continue focusing on my family, friends, co-workers, classmates and students to develop relationships that will help shape me into the woman I want to be.
5. Let go and let God's will be done
I continuously need to let God guide my life because His plans are more than me, more than this life and absolutely correct. He never fails and I can never cease to grow in my relationship with Him. If I do this, everything in life will work out.
I know this year will be the best yet (it seems to be a trend in life) and I am nothing but excited for it. I will continue to grow as a student, teacher and woman while sharing my life with others and allowing them to help me grow. :)
Here's to another wonderful, glorious year...
-Tracey
I looked back at my "resolutions" post from this past year and realize that I was able to achieve all of my goals. I became more patient, maintained a 4.0 and continued focusing on my relationship with Christ as well as people around me. I have never not accomplished a resolution I have set, which gives me high hopes and expectations for my resolutions of 2011. So...here goes...
Resolutions of 2011
1. Finish my master's with a 4.0
I have 9 hours left and only have to make it to May! I can do it!
2. Develop a work out routine and stick to it
In the past year, I have tried multiple routines but haven't found something that sticks. I am really busy and the one thing I am always willing to let slide is my workouts; however, I feel much better when I work out and really need to get into better shape. I received the P90X for Christmas and have put the workouts into my phone as alerts so I have no excuses...:)
3. Retain my sanity as I begin my PhD studies
This is the thing I am most excited about in 2011. I feel like I have worked so hard for so long to achieve this one goal of earning my PhD and now, it is a reality in the making. This is the number one thing on my bucket list so far and I am eager to begin...let's just hope I keep up my determination, drive and sanity as this final academic journey begins.
4. CONTINUE to build relationships that make me happy
I want to continue focusing on my family, friends, co-workers, classmates and students to develop relationships that will help shape me into the woman I want to be.
5. Let go and let God's will be done
I continuously need to let God guide my life because His plans are more than me, more than this life and absolutely correct. He never fails and I can never cease to grow in my relationship with Him. If I do this, everything in life will work out.
I know this year will be the best yet (it seems to be a trend in life) and I am nothing but excited for it. I will continue to grow as a student, teacher and woman while sharing my life with others and allowing them to help me grow. :)
Here's to another wonderful, glorious year...
-Tracey
Thursday, December 23, 2010
2011, you've got big shoes to fill
A year ago, I was optimistic about what the year 2010 would bring. The truth of what it brought is more than I could ever have imagined. So, let's take a look back at the year of "firsts" (first job, first home, first puppy)...
In January, I began teaching high school English and my master's degree simultaneously. I was blessed to have the opportunity to work with such an incredible teacher and mentor while at the high school. I also gained mentors and colleagues through my master's. Late January brought a snow storm and an enjoyable day with friends in my favorite weather that Texas does not see nearly often enough.
February brought buying my first home! :)
March gave me the little blessing I call "Jack"...my first puppy! I also had my tonsils removed and have yet to get sick since...hallelujah!
April came the end of my teaching the freshman at the high school but gave me the opportunity to take over in a senior English class (by far my favorite grade to teach so far). On the 1st, I officially closed on my home and moved in. Almost a year later, I am still working to make it "my home" but it's getting there.
May saw an end to my first semester teaching but brought with it a full time job offer teaching 7th grade ELA, which I accepted.
I spent the summer taking classes, working on my house, training my puppy and spending as much time as possible with my friends and family. It was a blast and I will always remember it as a relaxing time before "the real world" took over.
August was the beginning of me turning into an "adult". I began working full time in mid-August, started teaching "for real" and turned a year older. My life changed drastically as I said goodbye to sleeping in and staying up late. My alarm began chiming at 5 every morning and I was in bed sound asleep by 11 each night. However, I loved and embraced the change with open arms.
September and October were a whirlwind of emotions and events as I struggled to get my bearings in my classroom while juggling the demands of my master's degree, puppy, friends and family. There were many, many lows and some ups that kept me on my toes. In between all of the demands of life, I tried to still have fun and maintain my sanity. I won't say I completely succeeded, but I'm still alive now. :)
November started to see changes in 2010. Work became much more manageable, school became less stressful and I actually started having more fun. I started letting myself go out and hang out more with friends. Along the way some new friendships formed and developed into more.
December has been one of the best months I've had in a long time. I've started a new relationship with a boy and it's been great so far. ;) I learned from my students that they actually learned something during the semester which is the greatest blessing I could ask for this year. In addition, I survived another semester in graduate school and am 5 months away from graduating with my master's. My relationships with my friends and family have strengthened and I feel so happy all the time.
Needless to say, I have high hopes for 2011 and hope it can be half as wonderful as 2010. :)
-Tracey
In January, I began teaching high school English and my master's degree simultaneously. I was blessed to have the opportunity to work with such an incredible teacher and mentor while at the high school. I also gained mentors and colleagues through my master's. Late January brought a snow storm and an enjoyable day with friends in my favorite weather that Texas does not see nearly often enough.
February brought buying my first home! :)
March gave me the little blessing I call "Jack"...my first puppy! I also had my tonsils removed and have yet to get sick since...hallelujah!
April came the end of my teaching the freshman at the high school but gave me the opportunity to take over in a senior English class (by far my favorite grade to teach so far). On the 1st, I officially closed on my home and moved in. Almost a year later, I am still working to make it "my home" but it's getting there.
May saw an end to my first semester teaching but brought with it a full time job offer teaching 7th grade ELA, which I accepted.
I spent the summer taking classes, working on my house, training my puppy and spending as much time as possible with my friends and family. It was a blast and I will always remember it as a relaxing time before "the real world" took over.
August was the beginning of me turning into an "adult". I began working full time in mid-August, started teaching "for real" and turned a year older. My life changed drastically as I said goodbye to sleeping in and staying up late. My alarm began chiming at 5 every morning and I was in bed sound asleep by 11 each night. However, I loved and embraced the change with open arms.
September and October were a whirlwind of emotions and events as I struggled to get my bearings in my classroom while juggling the demands of my master's degree, puppy, friends and family. There were many, many lows and some ups that kept me on my toes. In between all of the demands of life, I tried to still have fun and maintain my sanity. I won't say I completely succeeded, but I'm still alive now. :)
November started to see changes in 2010. Work became much more manageable, school became less stressful and I actually started having more fun. I started letting myself go out and hang out more with friends. Along the way some new friendships formed and developed into more.
December has been one of the best months I've had in a long time. I've started a new relationship with a boy and it's been great so far. ;) I learned from my students that they actually learned something during the semester which is the greatest blessing I could ask for this year. In addition, I survived another semester in graduate school and am 5 months away from graduating with my master's. My relationships with my friends and family have strengthened and I feel so happy all the time.
Needless to say, I have high hopes for 2011 and hope it can be half as wonderful as 2010. :)
-Tracey
Sunday, December 5, 2010
You always know exactly what I need exactly when I need it...
Last Sunday in church, the sermon was about being thankful and rejoicing in the Lord even when it seems like He is doing nothing special in your life. The preacher spoke about the "lost son" who ran away from his father and squandered his inheritance, yet when he returned to his father, the father welcomed him with open arms and let his blessings pour out. The good son who had stayed home with the father and worked diligently for him his entire life because jealous at the father's love and support of the other son. The point of the sermon was that we should strive to be like neither son, but should love the Lord completely and without expectation of anything. Moreover, our actions should be driven by our love for God, and only by that. Then, this week at Breakaway, the sermon was about being positive and rejoicing in every blessing the Lord pours out, even when this seems difficult.
I have personally been struggling greatly with the upcoming changes in my life. My very best friend and amazing roommate for the past two school years is moving back home for student teaching and to hopefully get a job and settle down there. While I could not be more proud of her or excited about the amazing opportunities she has, I have been saddened by the loss. I won't get to see my best friend everyday? Laugh with her about silly things? Quote "Bring it on" while cleaning the kitchen after dinner? Sing "Our God is Greater" at the top of our lungs? Stay up late at night watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and coloring firemen and cop hats for a project? Talk for forty straight minutes about how much I love my kids while she listens intently? It is strange to me to see these wonderful memories and blessing will leave. These thoughts have been clouding my brain for the past few weeks, keeping me from seeing that, as always, God knew what He was doing.
First, God brought me some new friends. He brought them in suddenly and didn't let me know that they would become some of the best friends I could ask for. These friends include:
-An old work friend: She is beautiful and kind and knows the demands of being young and pursuing a PhD. We have fun shopping, watching movies and chatting incessantly about life, school and what we hope to accomplish in the future. It is so nice to have her around.
-Reuniting me with three of my best friends from high school. These girls were so important to me for nearly twenty years, then life happened in college. We have been reuniting and our opportunities to get together have grown more frequent over the past few months. I had forgotten how much I loved their company and how much I rely on them for support, guidance and love. They are wonderful girls who are truly going to make a difference in the world.
-my writing group. God gave me the opportunity to join a writing group with other women who are pursuing PhDs while dealing with full-time jobs, families and the stresses of life. These women are caring, truly beautiful women who inspire me. They show me the kind of woman I would like to be when I "grow up" while being a wonderful support to help me with my degree.
-my co-workers, especially my lunch group. I have had the wonderful opportunity to work at a school that is anything but easy. However, God didn't leave me alone and gave me a group of co-workers that show me how much hard-work, patience and love can do for children. They have taught me so much, and our daily lunch conversations have become something I look forward to at work.
-my boys. God introduced me to some wonderful young men this semester. In the past few years, I have struggled with trusting men and not being so bitter about relationships and such. These guys are some of the nicest people I have ever met who have no hidden motive behind their niceness. They do it because it's right. I am thankful that God gave me some people who can alter my negative views. One of these guys has turned into a great friend who I trust and enjoy having around. The other has turned into more than just a nice friend and makes me so happy. :)
-strengthening my relationships with my roommates. While bringing all of these new relationships into my life, God did not forget the ones I already had that were strong. Instead of just saying, "Tracey's good" and letting them go, he gave me opportunities to strengthen these bonds as well. I feel I have become even closer to my roommates than before and continue to fall more in love with them every day.
-family, as always. God has also strengthened the already insanely close bond I have with my dad, mom, sister and grandmother. We already share and incredibly close bond, but it has become stronger as I have dealt with the struggles of school, work and life. It is beautiful to see how God can guide such close relationships to find a deeper bond still.
While God gave me all of these wonderful relationships, he did not forget the point of all of this. So, the second thing He did this semester was show me that all of those wonderful memories I have with my best friend will not come to an end. They will continue and I look forward to seeing what He has planned.
It took two sermons this week for me to stop, look around and realize what wonderful things God has been working on in my life all semester. I realize once again that I am selfish and eternally broken. I am nothing without His love and guidance. All I really have to do is stop and let His will be done.
-Tracey
I have personally been struggling greatly with the upcoming changes in my life. My very best friend and amazing roommate for the past two school years is moving back home for student teaching and to hopefully get a job and settle down there. While I could not be more proud of her or excited about the amazing opportunities she has, I have been saddened by the loss. I won't get to see my best friend everyday? Laugh with her about silly things? Quote "Bring it on" while cleaning the kitchen after dinner? Sing "Our God is Greater" at the top of our lungs? Stay up late at night watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and coloring firemen and cop hats for a project? Talk for forty straight minutes about how much I love my kids while she listens intently? It is strange to me to see these wonderful memories and blessing will leave. These thoughts have been clouding my brain for the past few weeks, keeping me from seeing that, as always, God knew what He was doing.
First, God brought me some new friends. He brought them in suddenly and didn't let me know that they would become some of the best friends I could ask for. These friends include:
-An old work friend: She is beautiful and kind and knows the demands of being young and pursuing a PhD. We have fun shopping, watching movies and chatting incessantly about life, school and what we hope to accomplish in the future. It is so nice to have her around.
-Reuniting me with three of my best friends from high school. These girls were so important to me for nearly twenty years, then life happened in college. We have been reuniting and our opportunities to get together have grown more frequent over the past few months. I had forgotten how much I loved their company and how much I rely on them for support, guidance and love. They are wonderful girls who are truly going to make a difference in the world.
-my writing group. God gave me the opportunity to join a writing group with other women who are pursuing PhDs while dealing with full-time jobs, families and the stresses of life. These women are caring, truly beautiful women who inspire me. They show me the kind of woman I would like to be when I "grow up" while being a wonderful support to help me with my degree.
-my co-workers, especially my lunch group. I have had the wonderful opportunity to work at a school that is anything but easy. However, God didn't leave me alone and gave me a group of co-workers that show me how much hard-work, patience and love can do for children. They have taught me so much, and our daily lunch conversations have become something I look forward to at work.
-my boys. God introduced me to some wonderful young men this semester. In the past few years, I have struggled with trusting men and not being so bitter about relationships and such. These guys are some of the nicest people I have ever met who have no hidden motive behind their niceness. They do it because it's right. I am thankful that God gave me some people who can alter my negative views. One of these guys has turned into a great friend who I trust and enjoy having around. The other has turned into more than just a nice friend and makes me so happy. :)
-strengthening my relationships with my roommates. While bringing all of these new relationships into my life, God did not forget the ones I already had that were strong. Instead of just saying, "Tracey's good" and letting them go, he gave me opportunities to strengthen these bonds as well. I feel I have become even closer to my roommates than before and continue to fall more in love with them every day.
-family, as always. God has also strengthened the already insanely close bond I have with my dad, mom, sister and grandmother. We already share and incredibly close bond, but it has become stronger as I have dealt with the struggles of school, work and life. It is beautiful to see how God can guide such close relationships to find a deeper bond still.
While God gave me all of these wonderful relationships, he did not forget the point of all of this. So, the second thing He did this semester was show me that all of those wonderful memories I have with my best friend will not come to an end. They will continue and I look forward to seeing what He has planned.
It took two sermons this week for me to stop, look around and realize what wonderful things God has been working on in my life all semester. I realize once again that I am selfish and eternally broken. I am nothing without His love and guidance. All I really have to do is stop and let His will be done.
-Tracey
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
So thankful I can't stop smiling
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAMYIKfIVSQ
The above link connects to Bon Jovi's newest single "What do you got". This song emphasizes that life is about...loving others and finding love in return. In the past month, I have realized how much love is in my life. No, not romantically. To be perfectly honest, I am wonderful with that. Would it be nice? Sure. But, I'm talking about the love that comes from friends and family. I have realized how special the people in my life are and how grateful I am to have them. I am a busy, workaholic who moonlights as being judgmental and cynical much of the time, and I'm lucky enough to have a huge group of people who are ok with that. Not only are they ok with that, they love it.
In the past month, I have gotten to see new friendships grow, love blossom and my job improve greatly. On this Thanksgiving, I am so thankful and full of love, I just want to smile and share that feeling.
Happy Thanksgiving. This one goes out to all the people I love... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hQK6GIrpYU
-Tracey
The above link connects to Bon Jovi's newest single "What do you got". This song emphasizes that life is about...loving others and finding love in return. In the past month, I have realized how much love is in my life. No, not romantically. To be perfectly honest, I am wonderful with that. Would it be nice? Sure. But, I'm talking about the love that comes from friends and family. I have realized how special the people in my life are and how grateful I am to have them. I am a busy, workaholic who moonlights as being judgmental and cynical much of the time, and I'm lucky enough to have a huge group of people who are ok with that. Not only are they ok with that, they love it.
In the past month, I have gotten to see new friendships grow, love blossom and my job improve greatly. On this Thanksgiving, I am so thankful and full of love, I just want to smile and share that feeling.
Happy Thanksgiving. This one goes out to all the people I love... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hQK6GIrpYU
-Tracey
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Silver Lining
Every story has a silver lining. I am a 7th-grade ELA teacher and it has proven to be the most difficult thing I have ever done. I can't say that I love it every day. Most days, I feel worked to the bone and completely defeated. I often ask myself if my students learned anything at all. Most days, I feel like the answer is "no". However, to keep my spirits high, I try to find the "silver lining" each day.
I just finished a poetry unit with my kiddos. Tonight, I received a random email from one of my students. It contained nothing but an attachment. This is my silver lining for today. I'm so emotional, that this made me cry. :)
Treats her students best
Runs hard
Awesome
Cares for us
Extremely prettyful
Young.
For those who don't know, this is an acrostic poem, in which the author chooses a keyword and spells that keyword vertically. Each line describes the keyword.
This made me feel so blessed, despite my struggles.
-Tracey
I just finished a poetry unit with my kiddos. Tonight, I received a random email from one of my students. It contained nothing but an attachment. This is my silver lining for today. I'm so emotional, that this made me cry. :)
Treats her students best
Runs hard
Awesome
Cares for us
Extremely prettyful
Young.
For those who don't know, this is an acrostic poem, in which the author chooses a keyword and spells that keyword vertically. Each line describes the keyword.
This made me feel so blessed, despite my struggles.
-Tracey
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Wishing on stars, Living on faith and hope
"Starlight, star bright,
the first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight."
Such a simple child's request, but more and more I find myself uttering these words with a slightly different tone and under different circumstances. As a child, I used to say these words quite often, anytime I wanted things to go my way or anytime I felt dreamy. Anyone who knows me can agree that I am, in fact, a dreamer. It may not show because I like for dreams to be reality, but I dream about what I want all the time. In my dreams, I'm working my dream job, nights and weekends are filled with loved ones and fun and I come home every night to the most incredible man imaginable. In those dreams, happiness is the only feeling expressed. However, I am not a child anymore and I know that life isn't quite that simple.
Nowadays, I pray and place my hopes and dreams on my faith in God. Yes, I know He has things under control and He will do great and wonderful things with me. Yet, sometimes, I still feel the wishful thinking of my child-like self take over and I get upset that I don't have the things I want in life at this time. Truth be told, I don't have my dream job. I often work so much at my not-dream-job that I can't spend the time I want laughing and enjoying the people I love. I never come home to a man, and the men I date are far from "incredible". Nonetheless, I am trying my best to keep faith that things will turn out the way I feel is right in the end. I try to focus on all the blessings I have in my life and make the best of every situation, even the ones I cannot change.
I'm finally caught up on grading and lesson planning (but way behind in grad school stuff!), so I decided to be unproductive on this Saturday. I've been reading for enjoyment, something I don't get to do as often as I would like. I am reading the final book in a series I've come to love, despite it's embarrassing nature. It is a guilty pleasure for me and not really a work of literary genius, but everyone needs a guilty pleasure every once in a while. This book series reminds me, in some ways, of what I hope to have in my life one day. :)
I'm hoping to have some updates soon about exciting things that will make my mood and temperament much more pleasant. Stay tuned...God has plans.
-Tracey
the first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight."
Such a simple child's request, but more and more I find myself uttering these words with a slightly different tone and under different circumstances. As a child, I used to say these words quite often, anytime I wanted things to go my way or anytime I felt dreamy. Anyone who knows me can agree that I am, in fact, a dreamer. It may not show because I like for dreams to be reality, but I dream about what I want all the time. In my dreams, I'm working my dream job, nights and weekends are filled with loved ones and fun and I come home every night to the most incredible man imaginable. In those dreams, happiness is the only feeling expressed. However, I am not a child anymore and I know that life isn't quite that simple.
Nowadays, I pray and place my hopes and dreams on my faith in God. Yes, I know He has things under control and He will do great and wonderful things with me. Yet, sometimes, I still feel the wishful thinking of my child-like self take over and I get upset that I don't have the things I want in life at this time. Truth be told, I don't have my dream job. I often work so much at my not-dream-job that I can't spend the time I want laughing and enjoying the people I love. I never come home to a man, and the men I date are far from "incredible". Nonetheless, I am trying my best to keep faith that things will turn out the way I feel is right in the end. I try to focus on all the blessings I have in my life and make the best of every situation, even the ones I cannot change.
I'm finally caught up on grading and lesson planning (but way behind in grad school stuff!), so I decided to be unproductive on this Saturday. I've been reading for enjoyment, something I don't get to do as often as I would like. I am reading the final book in a series I've come to love, despite it's embarrassing nature. It is a guilty pleasure for me and not really a work of literary genius, but everyone needs a guilty pleasure every once in a while. This book series reminds me, in some ways, of what I hope to have in my life one day. :)
I'm hoping to have some updates soon about exciting things that will make my mood and temperament much more pleasant. Stay tuned...God has plans.
-Tracey
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