So thankful I can't stop smiling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAMYIKfIVSQ

The above link connects to Bon Jovi's newest single "What do you got". This song emphasizes that life is about...loving others and finding love in return. In the past month, I have realized how much love is in my life. No, not romantically. To be perfectly honest, I am wonderful with that. Would it be nice? Sure. But, I'm talking about the love that comes from friends and family. I have realized how special the people in my life are and how grateful I am to have them. I am a busy, workaholic who moonlights as being judgmental and cynical much of the time, and I'm lucky enough to have a huge group of people who are ok with that. Not only are they ok with that, they love it.

In the past month, I have gotten to see new friendships grow, love blossom and my job improve greatly. On this Thanksgiving, I am so thankful and full of love, I just want to smile and share that feeling.

Happy Thanksgiving. This one goes out to all the people I love... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hQK6GIrpYU

-Tracey

Silver Lining

Every story has a silver lining. I am a 7th-grade ELA teacher and it has proven to be the most difficult thing I have ever done. I can't say that I love it every day. Most days, I feel worked to the bone and completely defeated. I often ask myself if my students learned anything at all. Most days, I feel like the answer is "no". However, to keep my spirits high, I try to find the "silver lining" each day.

I just finished a poetry unit with my kiddos. Tonight, I received a random email from one of my students. It contained nothing but an attachment. This is my silver lining for today. I'm so emotional, that this made me cry. :)

Treats her students best
Runs hard
Awesome
Cares for us
Extremely prettyful
Young.

For those who don't know, this is an acrostic poem, in which the author chooses a keyword and spells that keyword vertically. Each line describes the keyword. 

This made me feel so blessed, despite my struggles.

-Tracey

Wishing on stars, Living on faith and hope

"Starlight, star bright,
the first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
have the wish I wish tonight."

Such a simple child's request, but more and more I find myself uttering these words with a slightly different tone and under different circumstances. As a child, I used to say these words quite often, anytime I wanted things to go my way or anytime I felt dreamy. Anyone who knows me can agree that I am, in fact, a dreamer. It may not show because I like for dreams to be reality, but I dream about what I want all the time. In my dreams, I'm working my dream job, nights and weekends are filled with loved ones and fun and I come home every night to the most incredible man imaginable. In those dreams, happiness is the only feeling expressed. However, I am not a child anymore and I know that life isn't quite that simple.

Nowadays, I pray and place my hopes and dreams on my faith in God. Yes, I know He has things under control and He will do great and wonderful things with me. Yet, sometimes, I still feel the wishful thinking of my child-like self take over and I get upset that I don't have the things I want in life at this time. Truth be told, I don't have my dream job. I often work so much at my not-dream-job that I can't spend the time I want laughing and enjoying the people I love. I never come home to a man, and the men I date are far from "incredible". Nonetheless, I am trying my best to keep faith that things will turn out the way I feel is right in the end. I try to focus on all the blessings I have in my life and make the best of every situation, even the ones I cannot change.

I'm finally caught up on grading and lesson planning (but way behind in grad school stuff!), so I decided to be unproductive on this Saturday. I've been reading for enjoyment, something I don't get to do as often as I would like. I am reading the final book in a series I've come to love, despite it's embarrassing nature. It is a guilty pleasure for me and not really a work of literary genius, but everyone needs a guilty pleasure every once in a while. This book series reminds me, in some ways, of what I hope to have in my life one day. :)

I'm hoping to have some updates soon about exciting things that will make my mood and temperament much more pleasant. Stay tuned...God has plans.

-Tracey

It's all about Him

So, lately, I have been disenchanted and unmotivated in most every aspect of my life. I was going through a "poor me" and "feel sorry for me", selfish stage for a few weeks. Yes, there were things going on that I was less than pleased about, but I wasn't taking advantage of the opportunities to grow and learn. Instead, I was whining, complaining and generally being an unpleasant person. True, I could not change many of the things that were making me unhappy, so instead, I decided (with a little help from the Big Guy upstairs) to change me.

School has been rougher for me than I anticipated. The kids are rough, but I just wasn't taking advantage of teaching them and loving them. I complained nearly every day about how I felt that I was failing them and not living up to my potential. They weren't succeeding and it was my fault. Through some kind words and encouragement from my family, friends and roommates, I was able to feel a little better, but not much. I wanted to cry everyday, but never could. I have never not been able to cry, so this dilemma was particularly confusing and hard to deal with. However, as always, I have found my answers in God.


God showed me the answers to my problems through some fantastic ministries and quiet time. It didn't happen in one setting, but it definitely showed me that I am blessed beyond what I deserve. He showed me that I need to take full advantage of the beauty of my life. I get to go to work everyday and do the work I love. I read, write and teach for 10-12 hours a day and get PAID to do it! Plus, I get to dress basically however I want to, plan with great teammates and hang out with crazy 7th graders all day. Additionally, I get to be a role model and make a difference in the lives of students who have little to look forward to in life. They are broken and hurting and I am there to help them. That is such a rewarding and blessed feeling. I can't describe it.

Additionally, I still have time to do all the things I love. I get to read great novels, play with my puppy, enjoy video games and spend time with the people I love every day. I get home and get to spend 3-5 hours enjoying my day before bed. I have the world's greatest puppy who I walk every day and get to train. He has been such a joy and is so much fun to have around.

Finally, all the people I love and care about are around me all the time and in great health. Seriously, I have no worries in life and live a beyond blessed existence. I have nothing to whine or complain about. Thanks, God, for forcing me to look at things with a new perspective and understand how good I have it.

"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all. I'll stand my soul, Lord, to you surrendered. All I have is Yours."

-Tracey

7 weeks in...Many, many more to go!

It has been a while since I've written. Primarily, this is due to my busy-ness with work, school, Jack and other, fun activities.

I have successfully completed my first 6-weeks as a full time teacher. It was exciting, tough, exhausting and fun. Teaching 7th graders is far more difficult and more challenging than I could have imagined. Especially, my 7th graders. My 7th graders are especially difficult to handle and "rough". I love them dearly, but I am exhausted all the time, and I often wonder if they are learning anything from me. Then, when I feel hopeless and like I can't do this, they surprise me. They are quite special and I care about them dearly. I hope they learn as much from me as I do from them in the next 32 weeks.

Graduate school is going well. I am working on 2 research projects plus an independent research project and one class. It is keeping me very busy reading and writing. I will be applying to the PhD program later this semester (once the department gets organized and releases the application). I am excited about that and know it will be challenging but rewarding. Additionally, I am in the process of deciding what courses to take in the spring. I have 9 hours left to finish and am considering whether I would like to graduate in May or August. May would be rushing it and would be difficult but I think it will be nice to have a summer with no worries or course work to complete.

Jack is great as usual. Earlier this semester, he graduated from intermediate puppy training class! I was so proud of him and what he accomplished. He really is a hard-working and neat puppy. We will beginning an Advanced training class soon. I'm excited to continue his training. It is great for him to be able to learn things and socialize with other dogs and it helps me be a better owner, too. I love that he will be so well trained as well. It will make our life together easier and more enjoyable. Above is a picture of Jack (left) and his friend (Ari) at their graduation. Ari's mama is a PhD student with me and they will be in the advanced training class as well.

In addition to all of the above, I am just trying to enjoy my first-year teaching. I try to find plenty of time to go out with friends, play Wii, read, write and exercise. Last weekend, I went to visit my family for the first time in 3 months. It was so relaxing and enjoyable. I rode the 4-wheeler, cooked at the deer lease and was pampered incesantly by my family. It was so nice. I forgot how nice it can be to just go visit family. Life at the house is good. I finally began decorating my living room and put up curtains. I still have a long way to go before my house is completely put together, but it is slowly but surely getting there. Give me another year or so and it will feel the way it should. Much to my dismay, I have not had as much time for reading lately as I would like. I am too busy and too exhausted at the end of the day to read. I lay in bed and just fall asleep quickly.

Recent Reads:

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
In the Fall by Jefferey Lent
Charlie St. Cloud by Ben Sherwood
Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks

Stay tuned for more adventures of a 7th-grade teacher!

-Tracey

First week success!

Wow! I have successfully finished my first week as a middle school English/Language Arts teacher. :) It was a great success, and I've learned so much already. I have made some mistakes already, but I have a great team that is supportive and helping me learn what I need to do. I have already learned a great deal about my students and feel great compassion for them. I hope that I will be able to teach them skills that will lead them to better lives in the future. I'm so excited to see them every day (even though they are far from perfect angels).

This week was also my birthday. Looking back, I realize that I have experienced the best year of my life. I have very high hopes for this coming year. It will be even better as I learn to be a good teacher and finish my master's degree.

Tracey

As the last rays of summer sunshine pass me by...

I just wanted to update the blog with the last little bit of happenings and readings from my summer. I started work, officially, last week in the form of "new teacher training" and have spent this week at teacher inservice. The students come to school on Monday, which is less than 5 days away. I am getting so silly excited waiting for them. I have been hard at work fixing up my classroom, planning lessons and basically dotting every "i" and crossing every "t". It has been a ton of work, but it will all be worth it when I see those bright and shiny faces walk through my door!

Last minute summer reads:
I finished the summer off with a few more books. Ask me if you have any questions.

Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
The Count of Monte Cristo
Three Cups of Tea
The Angel Experiment

I'm not near my bedside table, so I can't list the authors right now. I am currently reading Columbine by Dave Cullen which is a real-life account of what led to the Columbine Shooting in 1999. All of the books above were recommended to me, including Columbine.

I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of the third book in the Hunger Games Trilogy. The book is the final one and I can't wait to see what happens to the characters. It comes out on August 24th (the day after I meet my kiddos!) and I already pre-ordered it, so it should be here shortly after my birthday. I'm hoping I can spend that weekend reading it. :)

In other news, Jack has been doing wonderfully at his intermediate puppy class. He tries and works so hard that it really makes me proud. Right now, I am trying to get him adjusted to his new schedule with me teaching every day. We have a few weeks still before my classes start at A&M, so I still come home at a decent hour. When I get home in the afternoons, we go for walks and play until bedtime. I have to get rid of all of his stored-up energy from the day. :)

Tracey